Just some reassurance needed

[ThelastRolo20]

Hi everyone, just looking for some positivity to help me through the early weeks of being a parent.

I really wanted to bf but the hospital completely missed a severe tongue tie which was only sorted privately a couple of days ago. Pumping was so painful so bf as much as possible and topped with formula between days 5 and 11 (day 5 they picked it up due to too much weight loss).

I'm trying my hardest to now get bf back on track but I'm finding it so so difficult and the weight gain is steady but slow and I can't help but feel it's my fault as I'm trying to bf (still topping up with formula).

I know I can also go to just formula but for some reason I feel so guilty for doing this/ as if I should and could be doing more.

I'm not even sure what I'm after but I just constantly feel so guilty and I'm trying to enjoy this time (she is just perfection) but I have this hanging over me and we're needing to do weigh ins every two days - just feel like I've very much failed at the first hurdle. Any words of wisdom for an emotional ftm?

I just want to say no matter how you feed your baby you shouldn't feel guilty, you are probably overwhelmed and tired. BF is hard, it's emotionally and physically draining when you don't find it easy and you are doing a great job.

When I had my son I couldn't feed him, was ignored by the midwife as he was gaining weight but I was spending hours pumping and bottle feeding the milk. I went to the infant feeding team at the hospital and they were amazing, they cut his tongue tie I didn't know he had and showed me some tips to help establish feeding again. Do you have a feeding group be it a voluntary one or at the hospital you can reach out to? I found mine via local Mum's chat on Facebook.

One tip to help with feeding I found amazing was to circle the crown of their head with your finger while feeding, not sure why but he stayed on a lot longer when I did that.

When they cut my sons tongue tie he didn't latch straight away, they said some babies do and some need to learn. I offered him the boob every feed and tried for several minutes and then gave him the bottle if needed. I told myself I would try and if it didn't work out it wasn't my fault. He took 6 weeks to go over to bf solely. It was hard work but for me worth it in the long term. Keep offering him your breast each feed. I feel so many people give up feeding because they aren't offered the right support so I hope you can find some near you. I could only feed rugby hold at first too, so try some other positions if you haven't already.

Formula is absolutely fine but your body won't make enough milk to feed solely bf if you are giving formula as it only makes what it needs. Could you try pumping again or even hand expressing...it shouldn't be painful once latched on to the machine, but everyone is different. Does the pain go away after a while expressing or there all the time?

You will get there, you sound like a great Mum already because you care. There is nothing like becoming a Mum, it's relentless and wonderful at the same time. These early weeks can feel so intense but they are also over so fast and onto the next phase.

Posters can give you BF tips if you want them.

I persevered with BF and I'm glad I did because in the long run it saved money and faff, but do not feel you have to if it isn't working for you!

When you say weight gain is slow - is baby dropping centiles on the chart?

I never used formula at all so I'm probably not the best to advise on supply issues (my issues were more about my pain), but try to bf as much as you can, especially in the evenings, as this boosts supply. Don't be afraid of letting them 'comfort feed' as this may boost supply as well.

How much formula are you currently using? Can you pump at all?

Thanks both. I've tried both an electric pump and manual Hakka one. I think the electric was slightly better so may try and go back to that.

I've tried a bit of hand expressing, not much really comes out.

Luckily she likes going on the boob so I'm hoping it will increase but terrified that if I eventually go back to ebf she'll lose weight like she did in the first week. Perhaps I'll go to combi feeding so she at least gets some breast milk.

Just wish I didn't feel so rubbish about the whole thing.

I was thinking if you could pump you could build a supply of breast milk and start topping up with that instead (and try to pump while she's being topped up) then you can eventually match the timings secure in the knowledge that you are producing enough.

You can add to the same pot in the fridge over 24 hours and it's good for a few days (I think 6, but it's been a few years so don't quote me)

You sound like you’re doing amazing!
Honestly, just keep going. Offer breast first and top up with formula if needed if she’s still hungry. If you can pump after a feed and offer that instead that’s great but breastfeeding doesnt have to be all or nothing. Some breast and some bottle is fine!
My little boy took almost 12 weeks to fully get the hang of breast feeding and over that time I very gradually reduced the amount of formula he was having and tried to offer breast as often as possible. It was a long slow and sometimes stressful road but we got there and he’s been breast fed ever since (with the advantage that he will take a bottle of formula if I need to go out etc)
La Leche Legue has some brilliant advice online or over the phone regarding practical tips for breast feeding and how to do paces bottle feeding so baby doesn’t end up with a preference for the ease of a bottle

@ThelastRolo20

Hi everyone, just looking for some positivity to help me through the early weeks of being a parent.

I really wanted to bf but the hospital completely missed a severe tongue tie which was only sorted privately a couple of days ago. Pumping was so painful so bf as much as possible and topped with formula between days 5 and 11 (day 5 they picked it up due to too much weight loss).

I'm trying my hardest to now get bf back on track but I'm finding it so so difficult and the weight gain is steady but slow and I can't help but feel it's my fault as I'm trying to bf (still topping up with formula).

I know I can also go to just formula but for some reason I feel so guilty for doing this/ as if I should and could be doing more.

I'm not even sure what I'm after but I just constantly feel so guilty and I'm trying to enjoy this time (she is just perfection) but I have this hanging over me and we're needing to do weigh ins every two days - just feel like I've very much failed at the first hurdle. Any words of wisdom for an emotional ftm?

My word of wisdom would be to give up the need for either you or your little girl to b perfect and instead aim for "good enough on the whole".

You'll save yourself and your daughter much misery if you do!

I am sure she is a beautiful baby. But it's ok to know also that she is demanding and confusing and challenging. She doesn't need to be perfect for you to love her.

I'm sure you're a lovely mum. But you've found breastfeeding is maybe not going to happen for you. At times you wish you could have your old life back. Perhaps you're impatient when you're tired. You don't need to be perfect for your little girl to love you.

@ThelastRolo20

Thanks both. I've tried both an electric pump and manual Hakka one. I think the electric was slightly better so may try and go back to that.

I've tried a bit of hand expressing, not much really comes out.

Luckily she likes going on the boob so I'm hoping it will increase but terrified that if I eventually go back to ebf she'll lose weight like she did in the first week. Perhaps I'll go to combi feeding so she at least gets some breast milk.

Just wish I didn't feel so rubbish about the whole thing.

I'd say it took about 2 weeks for my son to fully latch properly after his tongue tie being snipped. Almost like they're trying to find control of their tongue that's they've never had from being a tiny little bean.

Keep doing what your doing and get baby to feed as often as you can and your body will get the message.

I did a good feed then a little top up but he rarely needed the top up.