2 yo DS just constantly gets on at me...

[winolady]

.. hi all, I'm not really sure why I'm writing just for a moan really and hopefully some advice..
My DS has always been hard work, he's slept yes, but whenever he's awake, he's hard work.
I love him dearly and he's very cute to look at but my god I find he just constantly winges and moans, never conforms and is loud.
I tend to get on with it okay, but the. If I see another child a similar age, walking along looking content and holding their parents hand, (I know they won't be like this all the time) but for me it feels like my DS just forever moans at me and gets on at me.

He won't play alone yet for any longer than 2/3 minutes and when I do play with him I'm forever doing the wrong thing and he always ends up getting angry and chucking things everywhere.
His speech is pretty good and getting better all the time but the volume he speaks at is ridiculous to be honest and I feel like I'm struggling to parent him and get any enjoyment out of it.
When I talk to my parents or neighbours/friends about the issues they only see this cute boy so no one knows where I'm coming from other than DH.
I don't know how to get him to feel more content and happy, so he stops moaning and winging all the time, I'd love to have a good day with him just the 2 of us, but right now i dread it..

I found 2 quite hard too tbh.
I then put him in nursery and it's changed everything!

What's your typical day? Do you get out the house?

Hi op. I know sometimes kids are kids and it's just their personality. However if he likes thinks going a certain way begging he isn't moaning or being difficult. Maybe he's on the autism spectrum don't I don't think they will look into until until he is 3/4. I say that as I'm autistic.

Toddlers are hard.

I feel there's no easy answer. I think it's just trial and error. Do you have a daily or weekly routine? Some toddlers love consistency, they get a sense of security knowing what's about to happen next.

Do you do enough toddler groups? Are you wearing him out enough? Long park walks?

Are you getting enough toddler free time to de stress? This is SO important.

I wish you all the best 💐 this stage only last, his concentration will increase. Also his understanding of his own emotions will increase.

Thanks all - I work 3 days a week, so we have 2 days off together, and one of them we go round my parents and my mum takes over which really helps.
So the other day I tend to dread a little bit which is a Friday. To be honest I don't tend to do very much with him fridays other than go to the shops and run errands and play with toys etc. he has sooo many toys it's untrue. I do take him to swimming occasionally which he quite likes but without sounding like a totally lazy parent, I find the whole changing thing after we've got out pretty stressful and I end up a hot mess when we leave.
I think part of my issue is I know I've found being a parent really hard, and I partly blame DS for making it harder than it already is.. sounds awful doesn't it?

Also DS has stopped napping now and I think that hour break in the middle of the day was pure bliss for a while, I certainly miss it, especially as I think DS still needs it really but refuses..

Oh god I thought I'd subconsciously created a post. My 2 year old is getting on my nerves today, it honestly feels like unless he's got a mouth full of food all he has done is stand in front of me and whinge.

I swear I've uttered the phrases use your words and show me about 2 million times today.

I wouldn't take my similar aged boy swimming like you said it's too stressful the getting changed after. I'd need to strap mine into something for me to get dressed.

It sounds like you need a routine. Something like
Breakfast
Park or toddler group
Lunch
Quiet reading time or watching TV to give be you a break.
Another activity like a class or walk
Dinner
Bath
Reading
Bed

I have two and felt they turned the corner at 2.5 and at 3 it definitely got better and better. Mine is going to be 3 in April and we have good days now lol

What really jumped out to me in your post is how you think you don't do much on Fridays because you 'just' go to the shops, run errands or sometimes swim. That is one hell of a full day with a toddler. You said that to justify not being a 'lazy' parent. Well how about rebranding 'lazy.' Are you lazy? Or do you just know your self and your child really well. That after a busy week what you both need is a balance between running some errands and getting some down time. Who says you should be out every day or achieving loads? Some days with a 2 year old 'fed and not dead' is good enough. Other days you have more energy, want to explore or do something fun, that's great too. But it really is ok to just take a down day or duvet day, to stay home and watch Disney movies, give little one an extra long bath with some cups and containers to play with, and catch up on the laundry. That's what toddler mums everywhere are doing. Of course nobody is posting those days on social media, but it doesn't mean that isn't the reality for most toddler mums.

I think you need to do something on a Fridays
Thursdays seem casual days seeing family which is great.
Some ideas for Fridays;
Park
Feed ducks
Soft play
Toddler group
Out on scuttle bug/scooter in street
Agree with bath in afternoon- I used to do this, I bought some bath slime, toys in. He loved it.

An hours fresh air for a toddler sometimes does them the world of good and I think it will for you too.

That you are happier when you are at your mums, is it because you don't feel confident being alone with a toddler? Or that you are lonely and grateful for the adult company? I imagine it's a bit of both. Are you getting enough child free time?

I think a lot of people working part time are actually working more in that time, if that makes sense? So you might work 3 days a week but actually do 3.5-4 days work in that time. So the time you have off you're too exhausted to do anything as you've 'borrowed' energy to work that hard on those days. I find working as a parent is so much tiring than as a non parent because the whole time you're at home all you are doing is turning things around for the morning. Add in any less than perfect sleep and you're going to need to recover from those days. Some people of course have bountiful energy somehow, but I do think that the combination of toddlers and working, it's like it uses every part of your brain and body so that you are tired in previously inconceivable ways. Because when you are with your toddler you are worrying about work and when your at work your worrying about your toddler. A constant double shift. It's ok if your Brain is jelly and your all out of fucks to give come your day off. You're only human.

Toddlers are very demanding, but it does get easier I promise. Personally I found the 0-3 but the hardest with all three of my DC (although they aren't at the teenage years yet so who knows!) I find it much easier with kids I can talk to and reason with. I like that they are more self sufficient. What did help me was lowering my expectations of what I could get done in a day with a toddler home. Just trying to take it as it comes and be more patient and practice mindfulness. Find some peace in the chaos. And be lazy sometimes

@Andtheyalllookjustthesame thank you for your post.. it actually made me cry but not in a bad way.. More of a relieved way because I think I needed to hear that, it's true, I work in finance and my job is demanding, I regularly feel like I work more than 3 days a well even though I don't, but in reality I am doing the work and my phone will ring so it's like I'm always on call.
So I guess my days off are never days off because they go from one world of challenges to another completely different world of challenges. No wonder I like a wine at the weekend!
I guess this is life?

If he's got loads and loads of toys, it's worth putting them into smaller boxes and rotating them to avoid over stimulation/whingy behaviour

@Andtheyalllookjustthesame

What really jumped out to me in your post is how you think you don't do much on Fridays because you 'just' go to the shops, run errands or sometimes swim. That is one hell of a full day with a toddler. You said that to justify not being a 'lazy' parent. Well how about rebranding 'lazy.' Are you lazy? Or do you just know your self and your child really well. That after a busy week what you both need is a balance between running some errands and getting some down time. Who says you should be out every day or achieving loads? Some days with a 2 year old 'fed and not dead' is good enough. Other days you have more energy, want to explore or do something fun, that's great too. But it really is ok to just take a down day or duvet day, to stay home and watch Disney movies, give little one an extra long bath with some cups and containers to play with, and catch up on the laundry. That's what toddler mums everywhere are doing. Of course nobody is posting those days on social media, but it doesn't mean that isn't the reality for most toddler mums.

This is excellent advice and really resonated with me. It took me a while to learn!

I see another child a similar age, walking along looking content

When I talk to my parents or neighbours/friends about the issues they only see this cute boy so no one knows where I'm coming from other than DH

Like you said it’s only a moment they catch, just like your neighbours.

Today was a fed and not dead(great saying) day for us 🥲you’re not alone.

Firstly if he is loud have you had his hearing checked recently? Lots of children who shout have poor hearing which could come following ear infections etc.

As far as changing after swimming go before bedtime, put him straight into Pj's with a fleecy onesie over the top and a warm hat on. Hell sleep well. Or I used to take DDs buggy and strap her in and give her a snack whilst I got changed, or sit her on the bench with a snack. Avoid jeans or anything hard to put on for both of you stick to trackies and hoodies so you can just pull them on easily.

Childrens concentration limit is about their age in limits plus a minute or two so about 4 minutes or so for your 2 year old.

Let him watch some TV. Toddler club on TV? It's not called the terrible twos for nothing!

Yes to fewer toys - put some of them out of sight for a week or two do he's got less to play with, or move toys into different rooms. It's a bit of a hassle but a toy rotation has been a game changer. I try to have half a day playing at home/doing housework/baking etc and half the day out so that might be the park, soft play, playgroup or errands - if we're doing errands I always throw in a trip to the cafe as well. If he's dropped his nap definitely put in some quiet time - either ready or put the TV on.

And yeah, whatever you see is just a snapshot. We looked like a dream family on our walk home from the post office today but luckily no one saw DS having a big strop because his favourite top was in the wash basket.

A lot is personality. Dd1 was like that at 2,just quite full on and demanding. No nap so just 12 hours straight of being on. Dd2 on the other hand was so placid and easygoing.

They are 8 and 10 now and the personalities are essentially the same - dd1 much harder to please.

Running errands used to be horrendous with dd1 at 2 - she would run off or have a tantrum and make everything take longer. I would avoid it and just do something child centred like playgroup or another toddler activity. Out in the morning, out in the afternoon. She didn't have the attention span to play at home. It's a pain as I wanted to get things done like the supermarket shop but it wasn't worth it.

Great advice here everyone, and thanks for being kind. I got worried after writing OP that I'd get a load of "this is what toddlers are like!" Posts, so I appreciate you ladies empathising with me on this one 😊

Maybe it's because you don't have him often by yourself? The more you're alone with him the more you will know how to deal with him.