My ex partner and I have decided to do all custody, maintenance arrangements etc outside of court to save money. We have a two year old and a 8 month old together. He also has a 12 year old daughter from his previous marriage.
Currently, I’m not working so I have them both all weekdays (mon-fri). Ex gets 2 year old all weekend long, couple of hours on sat/sun for our baby because she’s breastfed and gets bad separation anxiety but I stipulated that once she is 1 she can start to have full days.
So anyway, as I don’t have my residency through yet (Brit in Australia), it works out cheaper for me to be a stay at home Mum until I can get rebates for daycare (otherwise I would be going back on myself finance-wise). I said to him that once I can get this daycare discount (realistically not for another year), I would like to go back to work and then change the routine so that my ex has them every other weekend, plus one weeknight dinner. He started complaining that this time seemed ‘too little’, despite the fact that I’ve been told this is the standard and I too would like some weekend time with them once I start being busy during the week. I might also add that he says his time spent with them even now on the weekend is also too little which seems bizarre to me because he has a business to run. I’ve also said to him the door is open if he wants to pop in and say hi.. but he doesn’t because me being there makes him uncomfortable apparently. Wouldn’t stop me if I were missing my kids but sure.
He then also started saying that he wanted 1/2 school term time/holidays which seems bizarre to me because they are infants and not of school age... surely that would be something to consider once they are old enough? Seems bizarre for me to be separated from both my infants for a week at a time. I would have thought this wouldn’t be a consideration until they turn 5 (attend school).
What are your thoughts on this? What are your arrangements, or if you are still partnered, what would you do?
He complains about having them every weekend (that it isn’t enough).. and then complains when I suggest every other weekend and 1 weeknight dinner from once I commence work. He started saying he would just have them midweek then and I can work and live alone.. seems highly inappropriate given their ages, in my opinion. He wants the school term time mainly for his daughter to spend extra time with them (he gets his 12 year old every weekend also, so she sees them often anyway). I mean it in the kindest way when I say he doesn’t have the patience or competence to take care of them. He feeds our two year old banana bread, pancakes and ice cream all weekend despite my protests and packing lunches for him. He snaps and yells at any tantrum my son has and my ex is worn out when he drops off just our two year old on a Sunday - so how would he expect to handle extra time with two of them?! I’m starting to get the impression that he wants to pick and choose all the fun bits, and then when actual parenting is involved, he drops them back onto me like a sack of potatoes.
I can’t really afford court... any advice on how to negotiate with Disney dad please.