Struggling (new parent with newborn)

[1sttimemummax]

My baby is just over 2 weeks old. I love them more than life itself - the past few days have been relentless.

They’ve cried so much, the first 10 days or so they were so chilled and would settle. Now even after a feed if I’m not holding them they scream.

I get newborns cry and want to be held , I am just struggling as I can’t get anything done I feel like I’m just sitting holding my baby or doing whatever chores I can one handed.

DH has said I don’t let anyone help but I don’t feel the willingness is there? I feel like I have to say do you want to do this etc that. We’ve already sniped over duties who does what etc so I don’t want to bring it up again in case of an argument.

I’m worried my baby hates me. Pregnancy was really tough for me mentally and the connection And love to my baby only arrived when I met them but now I worry did they sense my emotions and mental state in the womb and now hate me?

Is this all normal I don’t know what I’m doing it’s my first baby and I feel I’m failing massively already

Oh gosh! You poor thing! This is all totally normal. Your baby loves you and just wants to be as close to you as possible. You're doing all the right things. You don't need to do chores at all, just sit there with your baby and binge watch Netflix or eat biscuits or whatever you want to do! The first few weeks are tough but you sound like a great mum.

He is offering help, take it.
You need to get into a routine.
Can DH have the baby while you jump in the shower before he goes to work ?
You can leave baby to cry for a few minutes while you put a load of washing in/have a poo etc.

Thank you it’s so hard and I feel guilty saying it

I could I just am still struggling with the baby crying thing. Sounds stupid I know but I get so tense and start panicking when they cry

I do need to take his help. It’s not trust but I always just think he’s not doing it my way I’d do it like this etc and I just take over but I’m really rundown and exhausted

I've got a 6 week old baby who loves to sleep on me... ive just started using a sling and it's the best thing!!

@sageandbasil

I've got a 6 week old baby who loves to sleep on me... ive just started using a sling and it's the best thing!!

Please remember that you will both have different ways of doing things and neither of you are right or wrong. Unless he is putting the baby in danger let him do things his way or in two years time you'll be here saying you want to leave him as he never helps. Baby is two weeks old, just sit and cuddle them. Everything else can wait for now. Just enjoy the snuggles! And congratulations on your little one 😊

You need to let him do it his way, or he’ll stop offering. I know it’s hard.
Babies cry a lot, and it’s a frustrating sound, but if baby is fed, clean and well you can leave them crying for a few minutes like I said.
The most important things to make sure if at this early stage is that both you and baby are clean and fed.

Your baby doesn’t hate you

Your baby is very new and just wants the warmth and comfort of mama. Google the fourth trimester.

When I had my daughter 18 months ago, I couldn’t have been more shocked at what life was like with a newborn. It is relentless. She would cry whenever I put her down. I felt like I was doing something wrong. Even now when she cries it sends a jolt through my body…I think it’s an anxiety thing.

It’s hard to accept help but I wish I had. Be clear with people about what you need. Eg hold the baby so I can shower or can you empty the dishwasher for me? I remember thinking after I had my daughter if any of my friends or family have newborns practical help is so appreciated.

Your baby loves you and you are doing an amazing job. It was about 2 weeks in I hit a wall. Ignore the chores and cuddles your baby xxx or get a sling yo help with chores, my daughter used to sleep in the sling while I hoovered etc xxx

Hi
I am 39, went to see my GP who referred me to some infertility tests. One of them is the fertility scan to do at a London hospital in the radiology department. My Gp asked me to see directly with them when I need to do it because it should be on or a bit before ovulation day if I understand.
I called the hospital 3 times and had 3 different answers:
1- the receptionist told me that's so not provide this information in the hospital and I need to call my gp again but the GP told me to check with them in the past
2 - the new receptionist told me it has to be on ovulation day
3 - another receptionist told me I can come any time of the month it does not matter.
The 3 of them told me it's an internal fertility test when I checked on the internet there are several type of internal fertility tests (follicular, ovulation) and they all require for you to come in different number of days after the first day of your period.
My cycle are 28-30 days (the 2 last cycles at 30 days) and the scan schedule date is currently set on the 13th days after the start of my period. From my clue app it says that my ovulation day should be on the 16th days.
Did anyone go through this and knows what type of infertility tests they do through the NHS and WHEN I need to do the tests?

Many thanks everyone.
Em

I remember feeling exactly like this, happy to say that it all really does get easier.
2 weeks is so so early, be kind to yourself and really don’t try to get anything done - just enjoy the cuddles! Chores can wait or be done by someone else, you’ve just had a baby you need to rest and recover.
When my baby cried I used to panic too, it’s so hard to hear - try and remember that they have no other way of communicating, crying is the only thing they can do to express even the simplest need (like an itchy nose) so try and stay calm when they cry.
You are still full of post natal hormones which will be affecting your mood, please be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job xxx

How are you feeding him or her and how often. I think once you get into a good feeding routine things settle down a lot. This is all completely normal for a new baby and it doesn't last forever.

@Phoenix2022

Hi I am 39, went to see my GP who referred me to some infertility tests. One of them is the fertility scan to do at a London hospital in the radiology department. My Gp asked me to see directly with them when I need to do it because it should be on or a bit before ovulation day if I understand. I called the hospital 3 times and had 3 different answers: 1- the receptionist told me that's so not provide this information in the hospital and I need to call my gp again but the GP told me to check with them in the past 2 - the new receptionist told me it has to be on ovulation day 3 - another receptionist told me I can come any time of the month it does not matter. The 3 of them told me it's an internal fertility test when I checked on the internet there are several type of internal fertility tests (follicular, ovulation) and they all require for you to come in different number of days after the first day of your period. My cycle are 28-30 days (the 2 last cycles at 30 days) and the scan schedule date is currently set on the 13th days after the start of my period. From my clue app it says that my ovulation day should be on the 16th days. Did anyone go through this and knows what type of infertility tests they do through the NHS and WHEN I need to do the tests?

Many thanks everyone.
Em

You need to start your own thread and ask this.

@Phoenix2022

Hi I am 39, went to see my GP who referred me to some infertility tests. One of them is the fertility scan to do at a London hospital in the radiology department. My Gp asked me to see directly with them when I need to do it because it should be on or a bit before ovulation day if I understand. I called the hospital 3 times and had 3 different answers: 1- the receptionist told me that's so not provide this information in the hospital and I need to call my gp again but the GP told me to check with them in the past 2 - the new receptionist told me it has to be on ovulation day 3 - another receptionist told me I can come any time of the month it does not matter. The 3 of them told me it's an internal fertility test when I checked on the internet there are several type of internal fertility tests (follicular, ovulation) and they all require for you to come in different number of days after the first day of your period. My cycle are 28-30 days (the 2 last cycles at 30 days) and the scan schedule date is currently set on the 13th days after the start of my period. From my clue app it says that my ovulation day should be on the 16th days. Did anyone go through this and knows what type of infertility tests they do through the NHS and WHEN I need to do the tests?

Many thanks everyone.
Em

Start your own thread

Sorry guys!! I'm new to the forum and I posted my question on the wrong page! I don't know how to delete so sorry for that!!

@Phoenix2022
I had all tests done 4 miscarriages and 1 cp, blood tests Inc, day 2 blood tests that's day cd2 of your period, 7 days after ovulation so if you ovulate on day cd16 it should be done on day cd23 they say cd21 but that's only for people who ovulat on cd14, I had internal scans mri scans a load of other bloods for blood clotting only thing flagged up was low vitamin d, good luck.

Hello, my baby was a nightmare from hell too in the first months of her life, she screamed and screamed and wouldn’t accept sleeping anywhere except while being held, which became dangerous at some point as I couldn’t sleep myself and was exhausted beyond belief. It was so tough.

However, I think it’s quite normal, and every baby is different, but I can guarantee you your baby is NOT crying because they hate you, there’s probably one or several very simple reasons for why they’re crying.

I can only share my experience, but it turned out my daughter cried relentlessly because:

1. the mattress in her Moses basket was too hard/uncomfortable. They’re quite cheap and she slept miles better on my bed, so I bought a proper kids mattress and put it on the floor next to me for east access and the option to just put out my arm and pat her when she stirred instead of having to get up every time - today there are things like next to me cribs with one open side you can dock onto your bed, which at the time either didn’t exist or I didn’t know about, worth a try perhaps if you don’t have sth like that already.

2. she was extremely colicky and had constant pain from wind. Everyone tells you to put your baby on their back and not on their tummy due to SIDS, but all babies in my family have only ever slept successfully on their fronts as it helps immensely with wind and reduced crying a lot. To reduce the SIDS risk we made sure the room was quite cool at night and baby was wearing a sleeping bag rather than lying under a blanket and had no pillow or cuddly toys she might have suffocated under.

3. the room was too quiet at night. She needed white noise. It took me ages to figure that one out, we eventually put her to sleep with some classical music playing on very low as well as YouTube videos of muted street traffic, worked wonders.

4. it turned out, after months of agony after we switched to formula a few months in, that she was lactoprotein intolerant and was having terrible stomach aches after every feed. Was told an intolerance like this is more common than people think, which could also be against something the mother has eaten such as bloating agents like garlic or onions or gluten if breastfeeding. She was subscribed a special formula and was a changed baby.

There are many more reasons why your baby might be upset, trying to say there is usually one or more concrete reason and it’s never that they don’t like you, you’re doing everything you can but are still getting to know your baby, and these investigations take time. X

Re:the chores thing,, I found it very annoying when people said I didn’t have to do anything, and just to sit and cuddle baby.. I mean yes, I’d live that BUT sitting surrounded by mess and clutter is so utterly stressful! If I want to make a tea with a clean mug, in a clean kitchen, and sit on a sofa with a nice hoovered sitting room floor and get into clean sheets at night, not blood/milk stained ones then chores need doing!!!!! And I’m sorry but it’s so hard saying to your partner clean the kitchen, Hoover, do the sheets! Especially once paternity leave ends. I get you, it’s hard