Told 4 year old about funerals

[hoomae]

Oh god, I feel really guilty.

My partner is going away to a funeral for a few nights. My 4 year old asked where he's going and I said Daddy's friend passed away (she knows what this means and has visited Grandads grave etc - she's also very clever and switched on so understands a lot).

She then asked a million questions about what happens at funerals and who had passed away etc.

I feel sooo awful that I have told a 4 year old all about funerals! Am I an awful parent?? I'm not a very good liar and it just came out 🙈🙈.

It's absolutely fine. Better to tell the truth in an age appropriate way.

Of course you’re not: 4 year olds have grandparents who die, siblings who die, parents who die, more frequently than you think.

My dad died when my 3 were 6, 4 and 2. They knew what death was, they knew what funerals were.

Not awful at all. My DS (aged 4) has been to funerals. Just give age appropriate and honest responses

I told my 4yr old about death the other day as it came up- my husband looked horrified- I didn’t go into detail but surely it’s more scary to lie and act secretive.

Ime better than being vague. Our ddog was pts when ds was 5.. I told him ddog was poorly and had to go to the vet to be pts... A month later he asked if ddog could come home from the vet now.
We have never had a death since he was born and tbh not in 20 years..
I made a hash of it for sure..

Why would you need to lie? Funerals and deaths are a part of life and shouldn’t be taboo.

Obviously you're not an awful parent It's a normal age to find out about death.

I am so glad everyone thinks it's ok!

I've just got visions of her telling her Nanna about it and her being horrified.

Ok phew!

We have always said if they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to know (obviously in an age appropriate manner), my oldest son likes to know the ins and outs of everything so has learnt things earlier than maybe we would have wished but I don't see the point in lying to them

No need to feel guilty. You did the right thing. It's also best not to speak in euphemisms to children because they don't understand the nuance. Use plain language like dead and died. Death is just a part of life.

You did the right thing by being honest! I aim to answer all questions like that honestly, but age appropriately.

They need to know about stuff. I don’t think there’s any point sugar coating or fluffing.

My 4 year old went to a funeral. It was my Mum's step-mum (pretty much my Gran). She was fine.

Your child will appreciate your honesty in this. It's a kindness and sets a good precedent for building a trusting, honest relationship with your children for many years to come! You definitely did the right thing.

It's great. I love teaching my girls all about anything they ask about in an age appropriate way. My mum died when I was a child and I've always talked about how they have another granny who's dead, and explained cancer and death in an age appropriate way.

No I think it's fine. My dad died when my DD was 7 and I worried she was too young for the funeral but the celebrant said it will help her process it more easily. I know that's older but I think it's ok

You've done nothing wrong at all. Not sure why you think you have. Lying would have been a much worse option.

It's fine. My dc were 7, 5, 3 and 9 months when my dad died. They all went to the funeral and were completely matter of fact about it. My 3 year old was a bit confused though and called the funeral "Grandad's wedding"

Absolutely not awful at all. Funerals are a normal part of life. Many children of her age will have lost very close family members.

I’m pretty sure I saw a dead body by the time I was 4 (open coffin at a removal) - I was fine! It’s better to be honest about death with kids. They can be surprisingly matter of fact about these things. Understanding the circle of life is a very positive for a child IMO. Growing up on a farm and attending funerals of family members made it all very normal to me - In fact I remember being really shocked in my 20s when a work colleague said they had never seen a dead body!