Previously delightful toddler turned AWFUL at 3 - normal or cause for concern?

[CateCroc]

DD is 3.5

Up until a couple of months ago she had always been a delight. Obviously we'd had the odd meltdown but she was generally a very content, happy child.

Now we are experiencing the following:

• Meltdowns / tantrums about everything we suggest doing. Doesn't even want to do the fun stuff like playground / swimming anymore

• Claims to be "scared" of everything, especially loud or noisy things. Constantly saying "Mummy I am scared", eg if we try to take her to the playground "mummy I am scared" followed by epic meltdown

• Refuses to be potty trained for poo (wees are not a problem, uses potty nicely for wee)

• Hates me leaving the house, eg to go for a run or something - again massive meltdown

• Constant, unrelenting moaning

We have a secure, stable home environment, there has not been any upheaval or changes in her life. She attends pre-school 2.5 days per week and has a regular weekly day with her Granny, who is great with her.

Is this normal or cause for concern? It is making life very difficult at the moment so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

At the moment we are taking the stance of being firm but fair and not giving in to her meltdowns - eg last time she had a massive meltdown at swimming pool and demanded to go home I said no we are not going home, if you don't want to get in the water we will sit and watch Daddy swim. DH got in the water and eventually DD decided she did want to swim and really enjoyed it.

I also refuse to respond to moaning and say "Mummy doesn't understand that voice please speak normally" or similar

My DD was more difficult aged 3-4 than at any other time (apart from first few months colicky banshee from hell stage).

Bedtimes were particularly challenging, and she had big opinions about clothing which was sometimes frustrating but mostly quite comical.

Is there anything going on that might be unsettling her? I had surgery and then went through redundancy procedures shortly afterwards and she was definitely worse when I was stressed but it did all blow over in the end.

For unreasonable tantrums I used to take her to her room and sit in there with her, back against the door and just not engage until she'd blown herself out. Then we'd have a cuddle and move on which worked pretty well.

In a nutshell...I'd say keep doing what you're doing.

It’s all communication so whilst it’s good you don’t give in to her I think acknowledging her feelings might help rather than refusing to listen. I.e ‘I see that you’re upset about this and that’s hard for you. The problem is we have to leave the house/ have a fun time swimming/ put shoes on’

I could have written this exact same post about my 3yr old DD and it’s so reassuring to hear that someone has the exact same issues. I’ve not found a solution as of yet but can only say that I agree with wnikat about naming the emotion that’s she having as that has seemed to help a bit (but not stopped the relentless tantrum img!)!

My daughter was like this. I know now that it was anxiety. The best strategy is to try to get to the bottom of it. Chat to her when she is calm and happy, chat to pre school and granny and see if anything is bugging her

Sounds like a typical threenager

My 3 year old is exactly the same at the minute and I remember DN also being like that at 3, I think it's normal

Thanks all sorry others are struggling but reassuring to know I’m not alone

Yeah it's normal. They're like Attila the huns at 3. It does pass though.

DS was worse at 3 than 2. Was quite smug that we had got through the terrible twos pretty much unscathed, then he turned 3

Completely normal. Good luck. It gets better at some point.

God. Yes normal. My 4.2 year old exactly like this and it lasted a good 6 months. Since turning 4 he is more like his old self and generally fun and lovely to be around… with the odd tantrum thrown in to keep me on my toes.

Preschool had to have a word with me today about DD Just feel so sad & worried

No real life friends I can talk too

What are preschool's concerns OP?

My DD was very like this at 3. She is 6 now and has never been harder work than she was at 3. I felt like nothing could make her happy. She is delightful now! Don't want to dismiss your worries as it may be there are other things going on with your DD, but that was my experience.

Thanks @Herald44 it’s comforting to know other people have experienced similar.

Preschool just mentioned she had a massive meltdown today and they struggled to calm her down. They weren’t really sure what triggered it.

Im in the same boat with DS (3.5). Also never had terrible twos - just late starters maybe!

I do the same thing as you with going to the room. Did it just this evening. Sat outside reminding him that I was there and we could have a cuddle when he was ready to stop hitting and kicking.