Advice on separation

[questionnnn]

Hi,

Me and my husband have not been getting on and it seems to be getting worse. We have an 11 month old and I’m 3 months pregnant but I think it’s time to call it a day. I’m happy to leave the mortgaged Marital home for now but he is saying if I leave I can’t take our son. Of course I’m not leaving without him! Can I just take him and leave? I won’t be stopping my husband seeing our son at all he’s welcome to come to wherever I rent and visit and take him overnight a few days a week etc. I wanted to do it amicably without the need for court and nastiness but i guess if he’s saying that I have to go down the court route for child custody agreement? Any advice welcome!

I'd talk to a solicitor about the financial arrangement (mortgage CMS etc). And I would do this pronto.

Always better to agree on co-parenting. I would get things in writing (email/messages) i.e. (if this is safe) tell him where you are going, and what you feel is appropriate in terms of him seeing the child/children. Ask his opinion, see if you can agree. Be ready for nasty. I would keep paper trail and if he wants to go down the court order route it will take him a while, way easier to agree.

I do not know if you can just pick the child up and leave (i.e. go to your parents or friends) but I would assume that if you give him the address and details, then yes, you can go. Be ready for him harassing you there and I'd say in no uncertain grounds that if he makes you feel in any way unsafe you will involve the police.

Even better if you are the child's primary carer (feeding, childcare, breastfeeding and other feeding etc). I am sure more knowledgeable people will give you way better advice.

Well done on deciding to leave, when the relationship does not work best to go before it's too late.

You can only sort child arrangements amicably if your husband cooperates. If he won’t, then court (after mediation) is the inly option.

In your circumstances I think you both need go pull together and make a huge effort to make things work. A lot of couples have periods when they don't get on very well. Of course removing a loved child ftom a parent is going to cause upset.

I took our ds and left. My ex had made life impossible so I didn't ask his permission. I was primary carer, ex had changed maybe 10 nappies in 2 years and had never done a night feed so the idea of leaving 2yo ds with him was laughable.

But I wasn't married, I didn't have a shared mortgage to worry about. I just called his bluff.

If you think your dh is serious and not just issuing empty threats, you'll need legal advice.