Bloody in-laws.

[MrsThierryHenry]

There's nothing new under the sun, I know. Every mum has to face her older female relatives (in my case, MIL and SIL) telling her that she knows nothing about how to bring up a child, that they know everything and that if she doesn't do things their way her child is probably going to experience a slow and horrible decline into hooliganism and have an ASBO by the age of 18 months and it will be too late to change anything so you should have left him cry it out instead of using your new-fangled bookish parenting methods, etc etc. Blah blah. Blah.

I'm not the only one. I know. So this year I've decided to put a stop to it. How would YOU do it?

Such a difficult one! I find lots of mmmming when ludricrous suggestions made by MIL and then just do it my own way anyway. Arguing back just wastes your energy and will go over their heads anyway if they have they are lacking in tact in the first place.

You are the mum. End of.

Just laugh at it when it happens. I have so many funny stories to tell, not that it hasn't been acutely painful. Expecting #3 in Feb and DREADING her visit when she will stick her oar in wherever she can....

Good luck!

I used to play minesweeper in my head when people proffer unwanted advice. Now I play Scrabulous.

Not sure what to advise, as anything you say will likely cause offence,and possibly be twisted round.

Thank them for their advice, though you feel dissapointed that as women they feel the need to disrespect you in this manner. You do generally apreciate their wisdom on things but as the mother of your child it is your responsibility and if you need advise you will ask for it?

Had a real weird conversation with a woman friend who in the past felt justified criticising our parenting style. 'Do you think you would have brought DD up differently if you had known about her condition earlier?' 'Yes' 'So it's a good thing you didn't know about her Aspergers when she was younger as she is turning into a beautiful young woman'

Her thinking was had we known earlier we would have mollycuddled her. So I pointed out that she accused us of that many times when she was younger and warned us we were creating problems for ourselves. The irony was not lost on the small group of friends who were there and know how much we have helped her out with her own kids.

Sadly one thing I've learned is no matter what you do there will be someone who will be more then happy to tell you as a parent you are doing it wrong.

Smile tightly and say "Thank you for your input. We do it like this" and carry on regardless.

They will soon realise that you are one of those who "Won't be told" and will stop wasting their breath.

I have a major problem with my in-laws.

Perfect example today they can round for a "cuddle" from ds (only 12 wks old and not a very cuddly baby). After being jiggled and poked for 20 mins he started to get cross and cried to be put down. Dh said to his mother please put him down. MIL answer "oh but I want a cuddle" so while DS cried MIL sang songs and jiggled some more til I said he needs to go in his cot would you like to put him down now or I will.

FIL stepped in and said to DH you WILL bring him to see us tomorrow and we WILL come on friday to see you again. I said we were busy and I would let them know when we were free again. FIL looked at DH as if to say you will do as your told. They are very very controlling.

I dread every time they are going to see DS because they either play with him so much he gets over tired or pass him round like a bloody toy and he cries for hours after most visits. He has got to the point where he doesn't settle in there house, he cries at MIL and will now only settle for me or DH. He settles for my mum in her house, my sister in her house etc etc.

If you find an answer please share it with us all. At the moment I am going to really upset them.

hard one I know

but time will tell as they say

when your children are older and are nice kids with manners/trying hard at school/nice friends you can say you did the right thing with them!

Cupcake, your nlaws are with you for life - now that you've had their dgc, this means even if your marriage goes kaput.

My inlaws can be rather 'full on', and I found the following helped whenever they were visiting us. I would leave them with my dd in the lounge and go and attend to pressing business elsewhere in the house. They needed to try and develop their own relationship with dd without my interference, and I needed to not go mental watching them do this. . This can only work if your dp is present and sensible and your inlaws mean well/are not evil.

I solved the problem of the in-laws by leaving all contact to be made by DH , his parents he deals with them. I no longer remind him to ring them or tell him we need to go and see them as we haven't seen them a month. It makes so much easier .

Lucky for me he will only ring them every 2 or 3 months or MIL will catch him on his mobil.