2.5yo DD adores her dummy. Do I need to make her quit it?

[Tulipmonster]

Our DD is confident, happy and speaking well. In the past year though she’s gradually pushed her dummy from something she only uses at nap time to a constant presence. She will happily hand it over at the nursery door but also demands it back as soon as she sees us at the gates and will get upset if it’s not immediately to hand. At the weekends and evenings she uses it constantly and becomes unsettled if she can’t find it.

We’re discussing whether it’s time for her to give her dummy up. We’d been putting it off to potty train her but that’s done now. Part of me feels we should let her decide when she’s ready to go without, but clearly she’s fine without it during the day at nursery, so should we be encouraging her to stop?

Anyone else managed to persuade a similarly fiercely attached toddler to relinquish their treasured dummy?

No, she is only 2.5.

We got ours to relinquish theirs at 3 y.o. to 3.5 y.o. by saying they would get more Christmas presents if they gave their dummy to the fairies.

(Yeah, yeah I know!)

It worked though!

Dummy fairy at our local toyshop worked wonders at'3'. Old enough to reason with!

I would have stopped it at 9 months or so. Maybe keep it for naps if absolutely necessary but I would find it a bit embarrassing walking around with a 2 year old with a dummy

The fairy worked for us but wasn't magically overnight in terms of accepting this haha took a while of convincing DD.

@JustWonderingIfYou that's so funny that you think a dummy is embarrassing there's so much more to be embarrassed about when they are 2. The things my DD would come out with in a shop queue never mind the potential smells, dribbles, vomits lol

Our daughter loved her dummy and bottles but happily went all day at nursery without them. The dummy went over night when she was staying with my Dad. It had been lost in a sea of toys somewhere and after looking for it for most the evening my Dad just calmly told her they couldn’t find it. She never had it again. A week tops of her asking for one at bedtime and us just reminding her that she was a big girl and she didn’t need it anymore. That was around 2.5 years old.
The bottle has gone in the last 2 weeks, she was 3 in Sept. Again, but not on purpose, a stay at my Dads, the bottle teat which had a hole in it got ripped and she couldn’t suck it. My Dad made a fuss of her and got her to put it in the bin. Never to be asked for again.
Strange really as when she was at home even the bottle being in the washing up bowl would lead to hysterics. We had planned to take it away anyway and were down to our last bottle. Maybe my Dad has magical powers.
My son on the other hand had a dummy until he was 4. It was his only comfort and it took alot for him to give it up.
I guess only you will know when your daughter is ready, I don’t think it’s such a big deal x

Our granddaughter gave hers to Mickey Mouse when we visited Disneyland when she was about 3. I was astonished. No fuss, no crying and she never asked for it again,

@JustWonderingIfYou I wouldn't think twice about seeing a two year old with a dummy!

If she's sleeping and eating fine and potty trained I'd work on removing it tbh.

I'd say if you are asking the question then the answer may well be 'yes'. Ours went to the dummy fairy at this age. Make sure there are no other big things happening (rooms/beds/toilet training) and stand firm. I had to throw them all away to make sure I didn't buckle. Buy presents! Good luck.

Why do they need to give them up? If their speech isn't affected, and it's now understood that they don't cause permanent tooth damage - what harm does a dummy cause?

My DS is the same age and is majorly attached to his too, goes to bed with one in each hand 🙈 I'm also having the potty training/remove dummy debate right now, but I'm thinking potty training will be the first one we tackle. Definitely no issues with his speech either, trust me 😂 good luck!

I'd move them to just being for sleep first tbh. It seems like a massive change to get rid completely in this context. We've finally got our 3.5yo's off her over Xmas but she only had it for sleeps since she was about 18m. The ability to reason and explain to her was vastly better this year - we billed it as an Xmas present exchange which she was on board with. We floated that idea last Xmas when she was 2.5 and the mere idea upset her so we dropped it. Removing them from the daytime will be easier to get her used to it first hopefully without causing too much stress for everyone as it hopefully won't impact her sleep, and you can distract her easier in the day with activities so the upset will probably be quite short lived.

I wouldn't want a child having one beyond one, and I never used one with any of my children, but I understand for some it is helpful when very little. I don't like seeing kids walk around with it in their mouths.

My son had a dummy until he was 4 but only for naps and bedtime. Then they went to father Christmas to give to all the newborn babies in exchange for a present! He was completely fine with it because he was older. I mentioned his dummy a couple of times but we reminded him that the babies had them now. Really I'm just a lazy patent and I do whatever makes for an easy life! He slept well with a dummy so I let him and letting him have one until he was 4 meant it was easy to get rid of it!

@Cotswoldmama

My son had a dummy until he was 4 but only for naps and bedtime. Then they went to father Christmas to give to all the newborn babies in exchange for a present! He was completely fine with it because he was older. I mentioned his dummy a couple of times but we reminded him that the babies had them now. Really I'm just a lazy patent and I do whatever makes for an easy life! He slept well with a dummy so I let him and letting him have one until he was 4 meant it was easy to get rid of it!

Same for me. Eldest didn't have one, 2nd and 3rd gave them up without a fuss at 4ish. The dummy gave them both a lot of comfort.

We waited until 3 and did the dummy fairy, was easier when she could be bribed!

Ours only used it a bedtime but both gave it up at 3. Used Easter as a brilliant excuse, gave them to the Easter bunny to give to the babies and the next day chocolate eggs appeared, never had an issue after that

I don’t think it’s awful to have a dummy, my only fear would be these things always become a bigger battle the later you leave it

I had to cold turkey it with my dd when she was about 2.5. She was the QUEEN of dummies, would run straight past me at nursery pick up to her bag and get her dummy.
The fairies brought her 2 beautiful dresses and took her dummies in exchange.
The first night she couldn't sleep as her mouth hurt but from then on it was gone, and she never asked for it again.
Bribery and cold turkey is the only way IMO.

@Wallawallakoala

The fairy worked for us but wasn't magically overnight in terms of accepting this haha took a while of convincing DD.

@JustWonderingIfYou that's so funny that you think a dummy is embarrassing there's so much more to be embarrassed about when they are 2. The things my DD would come out with in a shop queue never mind the potential smells, dribbles, vomits lol

Those things wouldn't embarrass me. A 2 year old with a dummy would.

Smells, dribbles, vomits, tantrums are natural parts of toddlerhood, walking around with a lump of plastic in their mouth is not- that's a parenting decision. Sorry I can't help it, some of my friends children have/had dummies/bottles very late and that is fine but I wouldn't do.

Thanks everyone, some really helpful points and advice! Like some other posters I really don’t like how it looks, and sometimes feel people are judging her (and me, of course) for it, but it’s hard when it clearly gives her so much comfort.
I’m going to set Easter as my deadline for persuading her to part with it based on PP’s experiences…

No advice really, but I was this kid. I had a dummy until I was 6. I’m 35 now and still quite vividly remember blasting through the door after school, running upstairs to get my dummy from under the pillow and the immediate full body comfort it brought me.

I couldn’t sleep without it, and my parents couldn’t send me to grandparents for the night without making sure there was a dummy packed.

I think in the end it was gradual comments about being “a big girl now” and one final act of bribery in the form of a paddling pool that cracked it.

I got off very lightly with my teeth, they’ve always been perfectly straight and even.

You get to decide! I have seen 4 year old with them still. Personally I got mine off theirs at 2. My first child I bribed with a cake to celebrate. I did this because she wanted it in her mouth all the time and I was pregnant again and didn't want her on them and a baby. My son got rid of them the week he turned 2 because he was biting holes in them.

Whenever it's time just do it. Within 48 hours they are over it!! They soon forget. Alot of kids would keep them forever lol. But they don't need them at 2.5 really. Its a habit that eventually needs to be stopped. So the fact you are thinking about it means you are probably wanting to do it now.

Good luck

I had so many issues trying to get dd dummy off her. When she had just turned four she had a big nose bleed whilst sucking on it, it completely freaked her out. I told her the dummy had caused the nose bleed, she took the dummy out, hurled it across the room a d never touched it again lol!

OP does your daughter nap during the day? If so, is it usually up in her cot? We've had great success in our house with the dummy staying in DS's room so that he only has it at bedtime (obviously, we then replace it with a clean one each day). We started this when he was almost 2 and he took to it straight away. He was still napping in the bedroom at that time...but then he went through a phase of not always napping / wanting to nap in the lounge (on me) when he did and this made things difficult, reverting us back to him having the dummy almost all afternoon even if he didn't nap. Now that napping has finished he has gone back to happily leaving the dummies in his room every morning though.
We're keen to get rid of the dummies at bedtime too, but I am not even sure why? They don't cause long term tooth damage and his speech is excellent (he is now 3YO) but I guess I have always felt judged by others because he uses dummies at all.