Why does my toddler’s bedtime take hours?

[KL92xxxx]

I was just looking for ideas/tips. My 21 month old has always been a bad sleeper. He wakes around 8, naps anytime from 12:30 - 13:30 for 1-1.5 hours (is always awake before 3). Bath around 7 every other day, get him ready for bed, breastfeed with light on and then read some books, light goes off and then we cuddle/sing him to sleep in our (mine and his dad’s bed), we then move him into his cot which is next to our bed. He wakes once (on a good night) and then we move him into our bed and he sleeps till morning.

The issue is getting him to sleep is taking hours, we finished reading books at 8:30 tonight and he’s still awake now at 10pm just chatting and occasionally moaning. It’s dark and calm and I know he must be tired, but he just won’t sleep. He’s refused a nap a few times recently and he’s gone to sleep very quickly on these days but then is a nightmare overnight. Even when he wakes earlier in the morning it makes no difference, when we put him to bed earlier, no difference. He’s been up until half 10 some nights.

This is a relatively new thing, he used to go to sleep within 30 minutes. It’s taking up our whole evening to get him to sleep and I have no idea where we’re going wrong.

Following as I’m in a very similar predicament - however, my DS is 2.5 years!

I could have written this post myself 😭
Mine was such a good sleeper too.

If he’s talking to himself in his cot I’d leave him to it?

Try reducing afternoon nap?

My DD is 26 months and I had this with her when she was just 2. It turned out that she just didn't need a nap any more. For the last few weeks she has dropped her nap and now I put her to bed at 7, she falls asleep by 7.30 at the latest and then is asleep in her cot until at least 6am before coming into my bed, where she often drops off again for another couple of hours. Have you tried just not putting him down for a nap and powering through?

My daughter is 22 months and I had the same issue. I figured out I was putting her to sleep too late, she was over tired. I used to put her down 8 half 8 thinking she must be tired shel go over straight away but she didn't. I bring her up to bed now every night no later than half 7 even if she doesn't seem too tired and play light music and she goes over within half an hour. She also wakes up around 8am and half 1/2 hour nap during the day.

I would cut the nap gently, so wake him after an hour or 45 mins and see if that improves the situation. I would also consider the possibility that you trying to get him to sleep might actually have become a hindrance rather than a help- past a certain point I think a lot of kids get themselves off to sleep more effectively if just left to their own devices...

When this happened with our oldest, we cut the daytime nap so she was knackered and asleep by 7pm. We did miss the break in the middle of the day though!

Thanks everyone and sorry to hear others are going through the same - it’s tough when you have 400 things to do in the evening for the next day too!

When he skips his nap he’s a nightmare at night, I can’t wait for him to drop his nap so we don’t have to plan our day around it but he truly isn’t ready, he does fall asleep quickly but he wakes constantly and is very unsettled even in our bed. I think I may try cutting down his nap and maybe making sure it’s on the earlier side so he’s up by 2:30. Such a balancing act!

If he's happy could you just put him in his cot? He might just fall asleep there? May r lying next to you with you both bring awake is too stimulating?

I definitely would say if he’s happy in his cot then leave him. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own anyway.

If the cot is in your room is it worth moving it to his own room? I know there came a point with us that even just with general sleep 'noises' the quality of all our sleep deteriorated. Moving it might eliminate this? Just a thought.

In my experience it could be a few as it depends of the individual child's and their needs:

Has he started nursery, any big change happened in his life.. very common , their brain can't swich off well at night type of thing

Overtired; i would aim for 7- 7:30pm bedtime latest, (some kids just need their sleep on the spot and if missed,they will be super hyper and up a lot)

Too early dinner or not enough food during the day
( banana is apparently a good sleep aid... God knows)

He might need less sleep during the day, try to reduce his nap to 30min for a few days at least and see what happens.
Whatever happens, don't let him sleep later than 3pm. ( sounds like an instruction for Gremlins, sorry)If it improves his night time , he might need to drop his afternoon nap in the next few weeks, months , but do remember to bring his bedtime forward ( any time between 6:30- 7:30pm should work) as you don't want him to be overtired in the end.

I would look into these and if you make any changes to his daily routine, make sure to do it for at least 3-4 consecutive days, as in the first few days they might just refuse it all and it will be super hard.
Good luck

I would agree with others saying put in the cot and leave to settle - especially if chattering away happily
Make sure lights out etc to make clear is bedtime and not playtime

Oh and i would aim for him to fall asleep in his cot and in his bedroom. I have heard, it does work wonders and children's sleep improved by doing this. Again it depends of the child, i would start with his afternoon nap first and try it for a few days before a full night....

I feel your pain, OP.

It took me almost 3 hours to get my 3yo DD to sleep last night. I was in floods of tears by the time she finally fell asleep.

This is the case 5 nights out of 7. So trust me, I feel your pain.

Keep at it, stick to the exactly the same routine, no matter what time he naps, put him to bed at exactly the same time every night.

Side note: I would say that 8:30 is a bit too late to be putting a 21mo down. I would aim for 7 if possible. Especially now that it's winter and dark by 5pm.

Good luck OP