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Original poster

Getting baby christened..

30 replies

firsttimemum111 · 10/01/2022 09:22

Hi all, sorry not sure if this is the right topic to post on but I was looking for some advice.

Partner and I are debating the idea of having our now five month old christened. A large part of it would be that the better schools in our area tend to be catholic ones, particularly the high schools.

Are christenings still important or are they a bit outdated now?
Is it worth it with neither of us being particularly religious?
Any mums who have had a christening is there an average cost?
How would you go about arranging one, would you contact the church directly or is there a way that you have to go about it?
Also part of what has put us off is the selection of godparents and not offending anyone by not asking, how many godparents do you have? Is there a certain number of males/females you have to choose?

Any other advice would be really appreciated ❤️ thank you.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/01/2022 09:24

Christening your child won’t get them into a Catholic school.
If you’re not even slightly religious I don’t see why you would baptise a child.

NannyR · 10/01/2022 09:34

Baptising a child involves standing up and making promises that you will raise them in the Christian faith.

Your first port of call would be to contact the vicar at your local church, if you are not regular attendees there would probably be a short course or some talks to listen to.

Is having a thanksgiving blessing or dedication an option? You still get to have a service in church and a party and your child gets to make their own decision about baptism. It's a much more meaningful experience when an adult or older child gets baptised.

YetAnotherProcrastinator · 10/01/2022 09:47

Do either you or your partner have any connection with the Catholic Church? I think it's highly unlikely that you will be able to walk in and get your baby baptised Catholic without at least one of you being Catholic. It's highly likely you would also need to be practising. As they would expect your child to be brought up in the Catholic faith, you'd have to convert too. And then attend for X many years. If this is really what you wanted to do, you would need to look up the Mass (Church service) times and start attending to find out about the faith. But churches are very clued up to this type of thing for school admissions and may not take kindly to people treating their sacred ceremonies so lightly.

I'd look at the previous admissions data. It may be that a certain percentage or number of non-Catholics are admitted each year. You could put the school down without pretending that you're religious and hope for the best.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting
Fallagain · 10/01/2022 09:59

To get into a Catholic school they will need to be baptised at school and regularly attend church. Personally I wouldn’t want my child to have a Catholic education but only you can decide that.

Afreshstart2021 · 10/01/2022 10:08

You need to both be Catholic (or at least one of you, and one supporting it) to get baptised in a Catholic Church. You can’t just walk in and demand a baptism when you have zero connection to Catholicism.

Alayalaya · 10/01/2022 10:10

Of course christening your child will get them into a Catholic school! That’s literally how they decide who to offer places to. One of you will need to attend every Sunday and if you’re not already Catholic you’ll have to get christened yourself. Then your child can get christened. Once you child has started school you can stop attending church, they can’t kick your child out of school. Yes it’s a pain to sacrifice an hour every Sunday but it’s worth it if it secures a good education for your child.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money, christening is free but they ask for a donation, I paid £50. You can just have tea and cakes at home afterwards. The only real expense is a white outfit.

NannyR · 10/01/2022 10:17

I don't know if you specifically want a Catholic baptism, this page has useful information about Anglican baptism. There will probably be something similar online somewhere about Catholic baptism too.

PurpleDaisies · 10/01/2022 10:20

As others have said, if you’re doing it for schools, it’s pointless unless you’re also going to attend the church regularly.

Why not start going and seeing in a few months if promising to bring your child up to be a follower of that faith is still something you want.

Alayalaya · 10/01/2022 16:02

The school admission process will ask which church you attend. You have to provide a baptism certificate and they might also contact the priest to check that you actually do attend. So you do have to go every Sunday, at least until your child has started school. You don’t have to be a believer, you just have to show your face every Sunday.

Livpool · 10/01/2022 16:07

We got DS baptised. I'm agnostic but DH is a Catholic. I didn't care either way but it was important to DH.

I wouldn't get a child christened if neither parent is religious. It was quite a faff. One of my friends held a naming ceremony - no religious element at all - so you could look into that?

Justkeeppedaling · 10/01/2022 16:10

That is very hypocritical OP, and also immoral IMO. How would you feel if your child prevents a practicing Catholic child from being awarded a place (assuming you even meet all the other criteria for qualification)?

There is nothing wrong with Catholic, school, and they do admit non-Catholics - they have to, it's the law, BUT you need to be prepared for your child to have a very formal Christian education, to possibly be taught by nuns or monks, to be expected to take part in the religious celebrations throughout the year. It's going back a bit, but my DH is catholic, and they went on religious retreats from time to time too.
Religion is very "in your face" at a Catholic school.
Are you prepared to be constantly telling your kids that things they learn in school aren't true? What would happen if the kids repeated your thoughts to their peers and teachers?

bluesky45 · 10/01/2022 19:19

The Catholic schools near me don't use being christened as a criteria for entry, you need to actually be attending church. It doesn't seem to matter about the christening one way or the other as long as you attend church regularly. So I wouldn't get your child christened based on this.

Alayalaya · 10/01/2022 20:07

Justkeeppedaling that isn’t very logical. Obviously parents would prefer their own child to be in a good school rather than giving the place to another child even if they’re technically more deserving. Education at a Catholic school isn’t necessarily strongly religious because they also accept children of other faiths or no faith. Perhaps what we should be asking is how is it fair for the best schools to de-prioritise some children based on their parents beliefs?

MintyMonkey · 10/01/2022 20:30

Perhaps what we should be asking is how is it fair for the best schools to de-prioritise some children based on their parents beliefs? And reversely, how com religious schools tend to be very good and would they remain as good if they weren't religious schools? Does anyone here know?

Greenmarmalade · 10/01/2022 20:32

Go for it.

My experiences of baptizing my 4:
You give a donation to the church (we have £20 or similar)

We had a small get together at home with sandwiches etc.

Buy a simple white outfit for the baby.

ChildOfFriday · 10/01/2022 20:35

@Fallagain

To get into a Catholic school they will need to be baptised at school and regularly attend church. Personally I wouldn’t want my child to have a Catholic education but only you can decide that.
That depends on the school admissions criteria. Some will specify church attendance, but some just say 'Baptised Catholic children' regardless of whether or how often you attend church.
Metallicalover · 10/01/2022 20:43

My advice is.... don't!
You or your partner aren't religious but thinking of making promises in front of god, your friends and family that your going to raise your child in the Catholic Church! How hypocritical!!

Alayalaya · 10/01/2022 21:02

Metallicalover I’m not strongly religious but I hope God would understand that I have to do the best for my child. I don’t think it’s fair for my child to have to attend a worse school because of my personal beliefs.

Wolfiefan · 10/01/2022 21:24

No. It’s not fair for a Catholic child to lose out because you’ve lied.

GuidingSpirit · 10/01/2022 23:13

@Alayalaya

Metallicalover I’m not strongly religious but I hope God would understand that I have to do the best for my child. I don’t think it’s fair for my child to have to attend a worse school because of my personal beliefs.
This thread is wild. Given "thy shalt not bear false witness" is literally in the commandments, i wouldn't be too sure! Hmm
CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 10/01/2022 23:16

Morality of getting a baby baptised into a religion you don't believe in aside...

My DC were Christened into the CofE, so not sure how different it is.
We paid about £20 each time. It was the suggested donation so presumably you can pay more or less.
DS2 had 3 Godparents, DS2 had 2. There are no rules about how many you have
White outfit is optional. I've seen many babies Christened in our church in a plain babygrow.

Justkeeppedaling · 10/01/2022 23:43

Education at a Catholic school isn’t necessarily strongly religious because they also accept children of other faiths or no faith.

You're wrong. It is. Although they too teach about other religions too. As they did in my children's C of E school.

You have the option of withdrawing your child from religious assemblies, nativity plays etc, but that isn't really fair on the child.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 10/01/2022 23:51

I’m an Atheist but nevertheless find it really offensive that anyone would baptise a child for a possible school place (and think there shouldn’t be any church schools anyway, but that’s a whole other thread). A lot of people really believe in the importance and sanctity of a baptism, please don’t have one for social reasons. It’s really disrespectful towards something that some people believe in wholeheartedly and which means a huge amount to them.

I also think that even if it did get you a school place, is it really something you’d want for your child who’s being brought up in a secular home? I went to a Catholic school for sixth form (didn’t have to be Catholic to go, went because of the good reputation and track record with decent uni places being offered) and even as a 16/17/18yr old it was really quite strange to be immersed in this highly religious world as someone with no religious inclinations (and none at home or in my wider family either). I think it would be quite a weird and unhappy environment for a non religious kid, Catholic schools especially aren’t just “normal” schools with a bit of hymn-singing, they take it fucking seriously. Confession, rosaries, chapel, masses all the time, prayers before every lesson. It’s not something I’d want for my children as it’s really not in keeping with how we (or I’m guessing you) live our lives.

ParkheadParadise · 10/01/2022 23:51

Both my Dd's were Baptised in the Catholic Church BECAUSE I was a practising Catholic fuck all to do with schools. They both attended Catholic Schools, first communion and attended MASS EVERY SUNDAY FOR YEARS.
Dd1 had a Catholic Funeral Mass.

Skeumorph · 10/01/2022 23:58

@Alayalaya

Metallicalover I’m not strongly religious but I hope God would understand that I have to do the best for my child. I don’t think it’s fair for my child to have to attend a worse school because of my personal beliefs.
Noooo it doesn’t work like that!

None of this wiffly ‘understanding’. You’ll get smited, probably verily so.