2 Year old .. complete change of person

[Harls123]

Hi all,

Just a quick one... so my 2 year old has gone from easy going so would eat , go to bed at 7pm on her own and there would hardly be any paddys.

She now refuses to be at the dinner table, cries through the night until im with her and will just scream when she doesnt want to do what we are doing, for example.. we went to go for a walk yesterday, she screamed and threw herself to the floor so we had to come back in.
I feel like the joy us being sucked out of everything and im having to tackle more and more things.
I know its the terrible 2s but everything just sends her to overload!

Sounds very normal! Is she getting enough sleep? I find offering lots of choices helps them to feel like they are getting the independence they crave within the parameters of what you want to happen eg. Do you want mummy or daddy to put you in your high chair? Red plate or Blue? Walk to the park or shop? Eating little and often also helps to keep the sugar levels up.

I was going to ask about sleep as well. Offering toddler choices likefighoney says usually really helps as well.

Have a read of Toddler Taming, it's a great book.

Thing is she isnt well on communicating, so she knows what she wants and paddys until she gets its. Weve had problens with her eating for about a year now and we are trying to be more firm but when she just screams its hard not to give her what she wants.

Do i just force her in her high chair even though shes screaming? Do i leave her crying through night? Just one thing after another.

If tantrums are teaching her that she gets her own way she will do them. Giving 2 clear choices (which don't really matter to you such as when we got a walk do you want your blue or green coat, and letting her decide gives her power. Tell her plans the day before and reinforce them in the morning and lots of 10/5/1 minute count downs to leaving. Make it fun.
Does she have to sit in the high chair? Could she kneel on a normal chair? If so give her the option to break the high chair tantrum.
Middle of the night do the boring as fuck method. Tell her how clever she is that she isn't going to wake up mummy any more at night. Day before telephone lots of people (they can be imaginary!) And tell them what a big girl she is now and how she is going to sleep quietly. Over sell it! Remind her before bed what a big clever girl she is now Then when she inevitably screams at 1am. first time, quick cuddle and check nothing actually wrong then say " remember it's sleep time, night night kiss" second time "sleep time" and repeat third time. If carries on leave her to cry if she gets out if bed be boring and just keep putting her in. Alternatively co-sleep if you like but be warned this may last year's (looking at you 11 year old DD who still comes in most nights as I didn't mind co sleeping - I did mind with her brother who kicked the shit out of me all night though).

Ill give this a try, im trying to ignore her tantrums but on no sleep, and endless battles i just end up giving in.

Thank you for the advise hopefully it will work and I'll not be getting ruled by my 2 year old lol

If her communication isn't great is she on target? Have a look at ICan.

If she's not sleeping abs is also fussy with food, I think it might also be worth doing the MChat Test just to see what her risk of ASD is.

For me it's about having a range of tactics to employ - sometimes yes that's ignoring them, sometimes its just sitting with them, sometimes it's fixing a problem you didn't realise was a problem!

Meal times - ok so she doesn't want to sit at the high chair, get a booster seat or if she can reach she can just sit at the dining table. Or get a little toddler table & chair for her.

Walk - scavenger hunt, collect some sticks, race to the next lamppost, outright bribery with snacks. Has she got a scooter or balance bike? You could take that (though you usually end up carrying them home). When we go for errands I usually time it so we can go to the coffee shop as well as my DCs love it

No suggestions on sleep as mine are both useless! 😆

Being 2 can be a frustrating business.
Her tantrums are her telling you she's reached the end of her tether.
Few suggestions.
Are you busy? Maybe cut back on some activities.
Do specific things trigger the rage? Tiredness, hunger?
Is she eating something then wanting to get down after eating? If I needed DD to stay put a bit longer I had things like sticker books, colouring in that would buy a bit more time. Although I think we also had a stroke chair so she could come and go.
Don't worry too much about table manners etc, patience is not generally a skill toddlers have in abundance. It will come later.
Offering limited choices is a good idea. Red/blue, this cup or this one? Gives a degree of autonomy.

Stokke not stroke