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At my wits end with toilet training. Help really needed!

3 replies

Eggsbenedictcumberbatch · 09/01/2022 20:32

As you can tell by the thread title I am literally at my wits end with my 3 yo daughter.

Long story short, it took me and my now ex partner a very long time to get her potty trained as she was just so reluctant. She was fully toilet trained by 3 and it was a huge relief. But after only a few short months she seemed to regress.

Her father works away a lot and on this occasion, left for a very long stint. She was unaware of how long he would be gone for due to her age but literally the day after he left she had an accident in nursery which I put down to a one off. Then it happened the next day and the next and the next until eventually she was doing all her bowel movements in her knickers. I would pick her up from nursery and be told she had had upwards of 4 accidents a day; same when she was at home.

I contacted my HV and was told that it is normal for children to go through regression and more likely if there had been a change of circumstance or a stressful situation.
She was also seen by our GP who prescribed movicol as she noticed signs of constipation. My daughter did have a bit of a 'clear out' (sorry for tmi) but still refused to go to the toilet for her number two's.

Side note: she has never had an issue with using the loo for going for a wee.

This all started around 4 months ago and it got to the point where I literally had had enough of changing and showering her and washing soiled clothing, sometimes 5 times a day, so I reluctantly put her back in pullups.

Since all this started I have split with her father, we have moved house and she has moved from a nursery she absolutely lived and now attends a nursery class in a school so she has been incredibly unsettled. I explained the situation to her new nursery and they said not to worry as they experience this a lot and they have staff there that can work with me to help get her re-toilet trained.
After only 2 days at this new setting I was shocked to find that she had had an accident in class and had to remove her own underwear (I put her back in them on the advice of the nursery staff prior to her starting) wash herself and redress herself as staff there are not allowed to touch her and even told her it was dirty. She came home incredibly upset and said she didn't want to go there again. We have had a huge amount of unsettle as a family the last 12 months and I just want her to be happy and confident again and use the toilet like an almost 4 year old should do.

I have tried sticker charts, prizes, knickers with her favourite characters on, etc. Tried the softly softly approach and the stern approach. Nothing has worked and I just don't know what I can do anymore :-(

Any advice would be appreciated.

So much for long story short!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Fallagain · 09/01/2022 20:51

Is she constipated? 4 poo a day suggests so.

RocketAndAFuckingMelon · 09/01/2022 21:04

Ask for a referral to your local bladder and bowel team. They can help you work out what the problem actually is (anxiety from all the changes / constipation / lack of awareness / sensory processing / any number of other things) and give you strategies to sort it out.

I would also be speaking to the school and talking about what they can do to support her.

Indecisivelurcher · 09/01/2022 21:07

There is a charity that might be able to give you some advice, I think they are called Eric.

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