Newborn- does it ever get easier?!

[cutejeans]

Hi everyone,

Not sure if this is even in the right place but just as the title says really.. I have a gorgeous 2 week old son that I love to bits, but I feel like I can't even enjoy him because this is so bloody hard!! My partner goes back to work from paternity leave next week and I'm absolutely dreading doing the nights on my own as I'm really struggling!
When if ever did you feel like it got easier?! I realise I sound awful when I'm so lucky to have him I'm just really struggling.

Also to add- I had an emergency c-section so also trying to recover which seems impossible at this point!!

Yes, it definitely gets easier. It’s early days and you’re worried about your partner returning to work. But he will and you’ll be fine. You’ll find your groove with your baby. All will be well. It’s also normal to feel like this at the start - it is a massive change. Hold fast. You’ll be amazed when you look back in a couple of months at har far you’ve come.

Oh god yes. Of course there are challenges every single stage of parenthood but this overwhelming stage of newborn baby and “oh my God what have we done?” Feeling will pass.
You’ve had major surgery and your hormones are all out of whack and it’s been xmas etc too. Just take each hour at a time and be kind to yourself.

It does get easier! Focus on surviving, one day or even one hour at a time. You can and will manage this

The c-section won’t be helping. Set your expectations at an appropriate level for someone recovering from major abdominal surgery - small, achievable goals each day and knock the “I should” on the head. Being kind to yourself is key right now.

It does get easier. But gradually! So at 6 weeks you might think ‘Hmmm, this feels a little bit more manageable than it did a month ago’. And then another 6 weeks or so after that, things will be different again and so on. For me, there was no point at which it suddenly became easier; just every so often I’d realise that things were more manageable than they were previously. Babies change so quickly. Sleep patterns change, appetites change, their development is fast so there is always some new skill or ability they are acquiring. Some of that will make things easier, some will make things harder (sleep regression, teething, weaning…)

Hang in there, you can do this. Will your partner not get up to help during the night once he is back at work? Mine did, but I guess that depends on what job your partner is doing and their schedule.

Have you other support you can call on? Family? Friends? I was lucky to have my parents not too far away when my DCs were babies, so I used to go over there a couple of times a week which gave me respite as my mum was always very happy to cuddle and entertain a baby while I had a nap on the sofa or drank a hot cup of tea in a quiet room.

I found the first 6 weeks the hardest and the most unpredictable. The thing my dh did that really helped, was he spoke to his boss and asked if it would be ok if he took short notice annual leave during those early weeks. His boss said yes, and it really helped a few times after I'd had a night of no sleep and he'd then be around the next day to help. Could your dh make a similar request?

The other thing my dh and I did was that I'd do the nights, but if I had a bad night, I'd wake him at 6am and he'd take the baby for 1.5 hours before he had to get ready for work. It didn't always work out (I was breastfeeding) but a lot of the time it did and it just set me up for the day, having that little rest.

I've had 2 and for me, the first 6 weeks are the hardest and then things got more settled post 12 weeks. At that point I worked on a good routine and that helped lots. Hang in there! You're doing great and it will get easier!!

Yes it will get easier. You are in survival mode right now so do what you need to to make it through.

Call on support, don’t worry about the state of the house and sleep when baby sleeps. Eat as healthily as you can too.
💐

It gets easier. As others have said, focus on the next hour, the next night, the next day, the next week. Being the mother of a little baby is really hard. Cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself.

Also, you will be taking sole care of your baby during the day. It is not unreasonable for your partner to do at least some of the night time stuff even when he is back to work. Taking care of a baby during the day is at least as tiring as being at work, not to mention your body is still healing from the birth. For us, what worked was that I would feed DD at night and then DH would do the nappy change if needed and the walking around to get DD back to sleep if needed. Sometimes she went straight back to sleep sometimes not. But being at work in the day is absolutely not a free pass to not do any of the night time stuff IMO. He might do a bit less but he should absolutely do something to take care of his baby.

Congratulations on your baby!
A year ago I could of written this myself. My partner went back to work after two weeks working 12 hour shifts, the days were long and the nights even longer and I really didn’t think it would ever get better but I promise you it does. You’ll both find your own little routine and you will have good days and bad days but it does get easier, my baby used to wake every 1-2 hours I was absolutely miserable but I found that when she turned about 8 weeks was the turning point for me, she started to sleep longer stretches in the night which meant I felt a bit more human in the days. Remember it’s ok to say that you are struggling, I didn’t have any help but I wish that I did as maybe I would have enjoyed those early days a bit more. No one talks enough about how hard it is but you got this mamma 🥰

Yes yes a million times yes! It totally gets easier, and they change and you get used to your time not bring your own, and the love pulls you through.
I used to try and get outside every day, it kept me sane.

@cutejeans I felt this when I had my son in aug 21! It was exhausting, I never experienced sleep deprivation like it! I questioned whether I'd be able to do it without my partner being there, my c section recovery was horrendous and I thought I'd never be able to walk again and now little man is 5 months tomorrow and I'm loving it! I dreaded my partner going back to work but after a week just us two I loved it and made sure I had some kind of routine going, which made it easier.

After two weeks I woke up one day and my c section didn't affect me anymore. Also, I'm used to the sleep deprivation now (although my son now sleeps most of the night just one wake up) I remember getting 3 hours sleep and I felt like a new woman 🤣

It's so hard and you will find challenges all the time now but you find your way around it! All the best and of course congrats!! 🥰

Congratulations on your bundle of joy! I’m a few weeks ahead of you , my baby is six weeks old and I also had a section. At the beginning I had feelings of what have we done , I can’t do this , I want my old life back. And we went through IVF to conceive. At six weeks definitely feel a lot better . My advice would be sleep and rest as much as you can. Forget about housework , get a cleaner , get family to help. My husband is starting a new job so I decided to stay at my parents house for three weeks which gives me lots of support and I get to focus on the baby. Totally appreciate not everyone can do that but just an idea in case it helps. You’re doing amazing well done!

Really don’t want to be that mum that comes across like everything is great because I know that will just make you feel worse. I found week one I was like omg, this baby is mine, this is amazing etc, obviously physically hard but great. There was a point towards the end of week 2 where I was sleep deprived, we were still getting to know each other, I was still learning his cues and when he needed a nap etc but I was changing a nappy and I just thought to myself ALL I have done on repeat is feed him and change his nappy, will this ever end? My shoulders were also weirdly sore which I didn’t expect but I think it was just from holding him and not sitting up straight.

Things gradually got easier but I had read Gina Ford while I was pregnant, wasn’t going to stick to a lot of it (like the baby in own room thing) but wanted to loosely follow the principles from it as it fitted our life. I went along with whatever he wanted until 2 weeks, didn’t try and follow any routine at all. I then was just a bit more conscious of a routine after 2 weeks but obviously still not possible to follow one as such. The only things I was really conscious of were putting him down while not fully asleep if I could and trying to really stick to allowing him to have his naps, even if it seemed like he didn’t need one because I knew world war 3 was about to ensue if we hit the overtired territory.

We got to 6 weeks, we were still up in the night but it was all a lot less chaotic. My partner would actually laugh when I said ‘but the book says’ because I must have said it so often 😂 suddenly at 7 weeks he started sleeping from 11/12pm until 7/8am. Then at 10 weeks he just stopped wanting a feed at 11 and was sleeping 8-8 every night. He literally did not wake up once ever again 😳🙈 Now hes 5 months and I feel like I look back on it all with rose tinted glasses slightly as it seems like those 6 weeks were a breeze when they actually were really tough and I did pathetically cry a few times and there were moments where we just thought why won’t he go to sleep? Why is he still crying?!

He sleeps 14 hours a lot of nights, minimum 12, and I can safely say looking after him compared to my job as a primary teacher full time is a doddle but he is a particularly easy baby now I’d say!

You will get there and everyone does go into the depths of it a bit around the 2 week mark. You’ll very quickly come out the other side, get more sleep and look back thinking it was all fine! I didn’t expect it to happen so quick for me but it’s been the best 5 months of my whole life 😊 hope it gets better for you really soon and congratulations!!

Just read you had a section, I had one too! Felt physically better from it partially by 2 weeks then fully by 5/6 weeks I’d say, which is the same kind of time the rest of it started to fall into place 🙈 take it very easy! Once you can get out walking I found that really helped me, especially if you can do it at a nap time so baby has a sleep. Get some earphones in and listen to the good motherhood podcast as you walk, it was my weekly treat at one point 😂 Definitely try to take it in turns at nights or draft in some help during the day for a nap because lack of sleep is the one thing that’s just such a killer and makes everything else so much worse

It absolutely does get easier, there will be other and different challenges on the way for sure but you will find your groove. Call on support from whoever and wherever you can, I suggest if you feel up to it join some parent and baby groups - they were a literal life saver for me.
And just try and do something for you every day, whether its having a bath or going for a walk or even just sitting on your phone for half an hour on your own.
I locked myself away after having my first because I just couldn't even bare the thought of leaving the house as it was too hard!
You've got this mama

Congratulations on the birth of your baby!!!

Yes, it's a hell of a shock to the body, the mind, the life!!! But you will adjust.

Right now you are still recovering from the birth, in itself a big deal, as well as caring for a tiny human. It's a huge ask.

You would be quite normal if you struggled through the days and felt overwhelmed at times. It can be all consuming.

But there are pockets of gold in there too, watching them when they sleep, the little squeaks they make, the incredible fact that you made this little person.

And gradually it begins to even out, the physical pain subsides, the exhaustion passes, your confidence grows, and you all get to know each other better.

Yes, it gets easier.

Be kind to yourself. Try to accept that there may be days when you don't shower u until 3pm. These days will soon pass.

Your partner should take some of the nights - Eg Thurs/Fri/Sat and you do the other nights.

It can work well for your partner to do the early part of the night, say up to midnight, and you go to bed early and get a chunk of sleep in.

Good luck OP. It does get easier!

Yes, it does get easier. I barely remember the first 6 weeks with my first, I think I was in shock!

The first 6-8 weeks are just survival mode. Do whatever it takes to get through them the best you can. Take all the offers if help, lower your expectations of everything, and know that it won't always be like this.

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies, I definitely needed to hear some of your words of advice and knowing I'm not the only person to have ever felt this way feels so comforting!

My little boy must have known I was struggling and only woke up twice in the night last night so I've felt a lot more human today hahaha

Also my partner is more than happy to help through the night and has been amazing the past couple of weeks but I was naively thinking that once he goes back to work I'll need to do it all so he can sleep for work!🙈 again, absolute amateur first timer hahaha and definitely need to reassess my expectations like many of you have said! Xx