Tuition

[analieninblackburn]

My 15 year old is refusing to attend GCSE tuition , he point blank refuses to go , won’t even give me a reason , he attends a grammar school and probably could do better with his grades . His older brother went and it did help him . If it wasn’t for COVID and lockdowns I think he would be in a better place , but this is the reality we are in . I’ve told him that I want to see him revise with a structured plan …. And I will restrict his time on the PS4 (he only goes on Friday to Sunday ) term
time . Any suggestions of how to handle this would be appreciated.

Please don’t give me a lecture on the rights and wrongs of grammar schools and tuition . Thanks

Can you have a tutor come to the house ?

It’s online , mostly . Even if the tutor was to come round he refuses. I’ve told him what grades he needs to achieve at A Level to get in to a good uni, but seems disinterested. I’ve even said if this is your attitude then don’t bother going to college (just get a job ). Which he says no too also , thankfully .

Ds never went to any supported study in school and declined private tutors for both his NAT5s and Highers (Scotland) as he felt being at home focusing on his weak spots was a better use of his time. We let him make the choice but asked him to be open about what he was studying, how he was identifying and working on his weaknesses and letting us know if he was struggling so we could support him.

Worked well for him and he had good grades for both years.

Does your ds prefer to put the effort in himself at home or is the problem he isnt engaging with revising at all, regardless of the method, and why?

He says , he’s happy to revise himself but there is no method I can see ! He’s very disengaged with school work , but teachers do like him and value his input . He is a good lad , no bad habits , just doesn’t want to study . I realise GCSE’s aren’t the be all and all , but as a parent it’s difficult to see .

OP is he in yr 11 or yr 10 (15 could be either)? If he is yr 11, what are his mock exam grades? What is he expected to get in the summer?

If he is getting grades that will see him to sixth form (for most places, that is a 4/5 in eng and maths and 6 or above in chosen A-level subjects) then I personally would let it be at that. What I mean is, of course as parents we want our DC to do the best they can, but we cannot make them put in the time or the effort.

DS2 did really well in his GCSEs and we were all very happy. Could he have done better? Yes, for sure on a couple of subjects he did very little work (not really interested) and could have done more work and got at least one grade higher, I am sure. He worked at what engaged him and did well there. He is at uni now and his GCSE grades are not a big thing.

I think maybe you need to take a step back - that's assuming he is doing well enough. The desire to do the best really has to come from him.

I’ve even said if this is your attitude then don’t bother going to college (just get a job )

I learned with ds(17) dratistic comments, driven by understandable worry and frustration, didn't help and made us butt heads and it made him dig his heels in further. He needed to feel in control.

He responded better to a slow drip feed of non confrontational questions about what lifestyle he wanted for the future, did he want a good job with a good salary where he could afford holidays, a car, nice home, hobbies, gym memberships etc. What type of job did he see himself doing. Also how each stage of his life and how HE handled it would either open or close choices to him, taking advantage of every opportunities open to him now will make life much easier in the future, it was fine if he didnt know want he wanted to do yet but keeping those doors open means when he does know he with have options whether he wants to go to uni and be an engineer or a lawyer or a cyber expert, go to college and learn a skilled trade, join the police/fire/army/nhs etc etc. How he could always return to education in the future as a mature adult but doing it now is so much easier and cheaper as you are supporting him.

Let him know you will support him while he is in and engaging in education, but the bank of mum and dad stops for everyone at some point and that will be when his education ends then he'll be living the lifestyle the choices he is making now will afford him. Tell him it is his life to live and right now the doors are open, they are his choices not yours, you can only support him to get there not do it for him..

Also let him know it is important too that he plans his time carefully to have fun too and you'll help with lifts etc.

If that still doesn't work either tell him you are binning the PS4 or tell him you'll buy him a PS5 if he gets good grades 🤣. Good luck!