Return to work & nursery

[Hotyogahotchoc]

Baby is 6 months old

I'm thinking of going back to work when he 11-12 months, probably May or June.

We need to work out dates to secure place with nursery.

We were thinking I could go back either 3 day weeks for a few weeks or half days to ease us both into being apart and baby to get used to nursery. Plan is to be back full time by mid June at the latest.

Any tips on going back and nursery?

I need to check with nursery whether I have to pay for five full days even if I do part time for a few weeks.

I would try not to make your first day back his first day at nursery, that's too much! If you start him a week or two before you go back then it might help. Individual nurseries will have their own position on building up slowly, if there's someone else who wants the place then they might want you to pay as they are businesses after all.

Also having someone else (grandparent, babysitter) in sole charge of him a few times in the lead up can help I think.

If you can't stagger nursery start and work start, have a plan b eg partner able to pick up baby if need be.

If there are any toddler groups on near you, go - being in a noisy, busy room full of children and dealing with other kids wanting the same toy etc can be good preparation.

Basically if he's 100% with you at home then suddenly in a very different environment without you, it's more of a shock. Good luck and don't worry about it too much!

I'm going back tomorrow :(((( full time unfortunately & DD started nursery end of December. I don't have much advice so interested to see what people on here suggest.

My one bit of advice is that I started her at nursery 2 weeks before going back to work myself so that I could collect early/be around if there were any teething issues.

It can feel quite sad. I often find myself thinking "oh where is she" :( and already feels like I never see her but needs must. There was a thread on here the other day about a mum who just wanted to quit her job and be with her baby. I feel the exact same to some degree but everyone said to give it a couple of months & the feeling should pass.

Your nursery should offer free settling sessions before your baby officially starts so you don't have to jump straight into full days immediately. Can you find out how they normally structure them it can vary between nurseries.

Ask for extra settling sessions if you need them. I did and I felt much better about her starting nursery. Definitely start your baby going a couple of weeks before return to work, you could then pick them up earlier at first and just ease you both into it. Probably the best advice I had was to let Dad drop her off, I was more distressed than my baby so having her calm Dad drop her off avoided me affecting her

I have a 22 month DD, she started nursery full time when she was 11 months and I started full time work two weeks later.

I need to share my experience as I wish someone would have told me...

We don't have any family around to support us and I hope this is not the case for you.

So, when our DD was unwell, every 2-3 weeks, I had to work flexibly, meaning sharing her care at home with my husband while both of us working full time and then making up all lost day hours after she was asleep at night.

It was a nightmare !!!! And because of nursery she was unwell so often that it was crazy.

Nurseries don't give calpol, they only give antibiotics and this is two days after they are first administered.

If I could go back the time and if your finances allow for it, I would either work 3 days per week for her first year or 4 days myself and 4 my husband.

However, if you have your parents or parents in law or anyone else around that can take care of your unwell baby while you work, then it will all be fine :)

Good luck!

If you start him a week or two before you go back then it might help.

One of the nurseries we saw suggested this and it sounds like a good idea.

I'll be working from home (possibly both DH and I will) for at least half the week so I'm hoping this makes it easier as I know I can go get him if need be.

Basically if he's 100% with you at home then suddenly in a very different environment without you, it's more of a shock

He is with me about 95% of the time. The rest he is with DH but very rare for him to be with DH alone for more than about 20 mins.

He used great in groups but I definitely need to get him used to being away from me for even an hour while I go to the shops or fit a hair cut. At the moment he is always with me!

@Tee20x how is she doing at nursery? I saw that thread too. I'm hoping if we ease ourselves in then it might be ok...

@MangoM we have spoken about settling in sessions but went to three nurseries so honestly can't remember the specifics. I will have to talk it through with them again.

@Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy that's an interesting idea. Hadn't thought of letting DH drop him off

@Hopitihop I thought about us doing 4 days each but Dh is unlikely to be able to. The job I do is hard enough to do in 4 days so I wouldn't do less than four and I am leaning towards 5 but might use annual leave for a while to work shorter weeks and then review whether to do 4 days later.

In laws wouldn't be able to help. My DM might but works part time so round depend. I do have other family who could possibly help but I am worried about all the bugs they pick up at Nursery!

We can both WFH but I'm not sure how much we would get done with a 1 YO at home let alone a poorly one.

She still cries at drop off bless her but they say she is ok most days but has moments where she does cry. She's there from like 8.30-5.30ish so it is a long long day.

There have been a few days where she hasn't napped there - not surprising as she still feeds to sleep and literally has to be on me. Though this has improved and yday they said she fell asleep alone in the cot for her nap!! Shocker.

She's having issues eating there and there have been days where she's refused food & milk that I've expressed for her. But again she can be funny with food and isn't really interested at home so that isn't shocking either. Today they said she ate half of her tea which is an improvement!

Hopefully she starts settling properly soon and these issues are ironed out.

I know it's hard but try not to worry. My LO started nursery at 10months old in November. Prior to that she had never been looked after by anyone else (cried if left with relatives). I went back to work 3 days a week. She had 3 half day settling in before full days started. Be ready for it to be hard at first, lots of tears, baby maybe not sleeping or eating much. But it gets better really quickly- eating well, sleep improving and having lots of fun. Now my LO is much more confident & happy socialising with friends and family which is lovely to see. I'm glad she is at nursery getting new experiences, socialising and trying new games and different foods. And I'm very happy to be back at work myself, getting a bit of me time. If possible part time to start would be best I think.

Start leaving them with other people even for short periods they will not be emotional ruined for life if they cry for 20min. Ideally you want to introduce the idea that you will always come back. If 95% of time he’s with you then dad needs to start doing more care at weekends at the evenings.

You need to practise being apart and happy that he is with someone else than baby is from you. Mixing with other babies/groups also good for immune systems as much as anything else. Be prepared for them to get sick often and plan how to deal with this.

The younger the better for settling really they can start get really clingy the older they get around 12-18m.

You could introduce a soft toy, blanket, comforter (or better 2) now so you can send something with them and have a spare. Not all children need or take to them but can have a place when they first start as they can have your smell on them and that’s comforting.

Some babies do settle very well, you may be surprised equally don’t be to sad if they seem happy, this does not mean they don’t love you.

Check all their jabs are on course not sure how much covid has knocked routine things back months at a time.

My top tips:
Let them have a week to settle before you return to work.
Baby probably will cry but the best thing to do is say bye cheerily with a big smile and walk away - don't linger or look concerned as they'll pick up on it.
You WILL get used to it and be able to switch off from thinking about Baby.
Familiarise yourself with the nursery's rules about what illnesses are allowed and when you'll have to go and collect or keep them at home. Discuss with your OH or other family how you will share the responsibility of these disruptions.
Your baby will be ill, quite often, with all the bugs they pick up at nursery. It's good immune system training for school.
They'll come home filthy, tired and happy!

Thank you this is very helpful

Can you use any of your annual leave accrued on mat leave? My DD is starting nursery at end of April at 10months, but im going to use some of my accrued mat leave to be at home until mid May, when i will return. HV also told me she's likely to get every bug going so having some time off might take the pressure off me as well in juggling return to work and poorly baby.

Why do you never have more than 20 minutes away from him? You will make it much harder for both of you if he isn't used to seeing you come and go.

Big problem as has been mentioned is the fact that when they first start nursery they tend to pick up every bug going so you may well have to pick up unexpectedly or not be able to send him a day you assumed you could. Work out with your DH beforehand how you are going to deal with this so you don’t end up resenting each other or having your DH assume that it will also be you having to take time off.