Experiences of family living overseas

[GemmaRuby]

My DB, SIL and DNephew (age 2) are moving abroad.

At the moment DN is looked after by my DM on weekdays (DN’s grandma) as DB and SIL work full time. My DS is 1 and we see DN most days so they’ve become very close.

I understand completely that it’s their decision and I will do my best to be happy for them. But at the moment I just feel sad that DN will be growing up away from all family and familiar people. The place they are moving to is popular with expats but people usually only stay for a few years so DN’s opportunity for building long lasting friendships will be limited.

I’m also sad that DS will not be seeing his cousin regularly anymore. I’m also angry they’ve taken full advantage of DM’s free childcare, allowed DM and DN to build a very close bond and then are taking him away. (DM is not angry about this - I’m annoyed on her behalf!).

So I just wanted to vent really so I can keep my negative vibes to myself in real life. And if anyone has good experiences of long distance family relationships with young children they would be good to hear!

Ultimately it’s their life. Sometimes you’ve got to be ‘selfish’ & do what’s best for your immediate family group and not your wider one.

I’ve no idea why you are angry that your nephew developed a close relationship with his Grandma. That’s a perfectly normal thing to happen regardless of any life plans. Would you rather they had not let him see her just in case they happened to move away?! Would you be cross if say they got a new job & simply moved a few hours away in this country? As even that would reduce the time spent with Grandma.. my kids live at the other end of the country to one set of grandparents & see them a few times a year. They haven’t used your mum for childcare, your mum agreed & I imagine was delighted to do it. Millions of Grandparents do childcare.

I think you are actually really upset at this decision & lashing out in anger. You admit yourself that your mum doesn’t feel that way, so clearly it’s you who needs to come to terms with the changes. Millions of families are split across different countries. I imagine it’s been shit during covid but things are better now for travelling.

One of my best friends grew up in Abu Dhabi and moved back to the UK when she was 9. I’m sure it wasn’t easy but she quickly became very popular in our primary school & she has always had close friends from around the world, which is pretty cool. She moved back to the UAE a few years ago along with her parents in their retirements. I’m hugely envious of her hot & sunny life I must admit 😄 I can’t wait to get back out & visit her this year! Her little sister still lives in the UK with her husband & kids. I always think that must be tough knowing your whole family is together elsewhere but it doesn’t seem to bother her. She moved to the UK when she was 4 so has zero memories of life abroad..

It’ll be OK OP. It’s ok to feel really sad about missing your family but recognise it’s grief & not something to be angry at. Ultimately, it’s their choice and such a big move will not have been made lightly. The world is incredibly connected now, you can see them every single day you are not with them if you want. And it probably won’t be forever!

Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences.

Everything you say is true about my DM - I suppose it just feels more stark that DM and DN (and DS and DN) have developed such a close bond and will now be separated. Feels like it would be easier if we weren’t used to seeing each other nearly every day.

I suppose the other way to think about it is that it’s a good strong foundation for staying close when they move.