Meal times

[billyjean123123]

Good morning,

I'm sure this might raise a lot of different opinions but I'm keen to know what other people do..

Do you make your children finish their meals? (or at least most of it?)

If you don't, would you give them dessert after dinner if they didn't finish their meal? How do you stop them from eating only selective items on the plate (i.e. the mash potato and none of the veggies!).

Thanks :)

I didn't make my DC (now older teens) finish their meals but they generally did as I got good at getting the portion size right. We generally had fruit after dinner so yes, i'd let them have that even if they hadn't finished their main course.

Mine are only young - 4 & 1. We ask them to eat a "good" amount - different for each child and dependent on the meal. I'd never ask them to eat everything, I might have done too much or they might not be as hungry.

Yes they usually have yogurt (with or without fruit) as a pudding most days. Eldest has a treat from the treat box a couple of times a week (depending on what else he's eaten that day).

Very similar to what we do with ours (7 and 5). They have a portion size normal for their age and we try and get them to eat almost all of it. Almost every time though they'll say they don't want anymore after eating half then ask for dessert straight away.

On the weekends we have a treat meal (usually pizza) and then a nice pudding.

My children have served themselves from being very young. We encourage them to only put on the plate amounts they want to eat, they can always get more if they want it. I do always make sure there is at least two foods everyone will eat, at one point that meant always having bread and butter and carrots on the table.

Nobody has to eat anything they don't want to, we never coax or cajole them to eat more food. In return I won't have any whining or complaining about food they don't like or don't want to eat.

We try to talk about anything but food at mealtimes unless it's to say "pass the bread please" or similar. We don't pass comment at all on how much is or isn't being eaten. When we had toddlers in the midst of extreme fussiness we would even try and keep compliments about the food to the end of the meal. I strongly feel the least focus made about food during the meal the better. It can all to easily end up in a battle of will and that IMO creates further issues.

We always have pudding. Sometimes it's very simple like fruit and yogurt or milk/tea and biscuits other times it's cake and cream or crumble and custard. I never withhold it even if they haven't eaten very much of the main course.

This approach really helped us get through the fussy phase which can be incredibly frustrating.
It took DH a while to come round to it, he was brought up to eat all your food or there's no pudding and you go bed. One of his siblings used to regularly go straight to bed after school when he came home and smelled what was cooking. As adults two of his siblings don't eat any vegetables at all and are incredibly picky eaters, DH used to be really reluctant to try new foods.

At one time when DC4 was 2 he would only eat fish fingers, bread, carrots and puddings but we persevered and now at 9 eats pretty much anything. He loves some foods that I don't like.

Maybe in your case you’re serving too much mash so they don’t need to eat the veg to fill up. I’d also make sure the veg is something they like even if that means less variety. We don’t eat puddings at home but fruit and yogurt is always offered afterwards. I never push eating more because I’m a big believer in self regulating.

I never require my dc to finish anything on their plate. I do ask them to try things (obviously when they are old enough to understand the concept). Up to about 2, maybe 3 years, I would probably still offer a small amount of fruit after lunch or dinner. Beyond that, we don't have pudding every night anyway (pudding would usually be fruit or maybe a yogurt), but they would need to eat most of their main meal to have that.

It's totally fine if they don't want to eat, I just wouldn't offer anything extra. The exception being if they are ill, then I'm much more flexible and I'd rather them just eat whatever they can manage. Mine are just about to turn 9 & 4.

I'm fine if they only eat selective things on their plate. We all like different things. I do ask them to try everything, but everything is generally healthy, so it's fine if they eat more of something and not any of something else. It all balances out. We also do lots of fruit and vegetables for snacks between meals, so mine quite like veg, but even if they don't eat it, I do know they've had plenty elsewhere.

No, don't make DS clear plate but if he's clearly arseing about as he wants pudding we insist on say 2 more forkfuls and might specify what they need to be off the plate if he's eaten all the broccoli and nothing else (yes, really!)
He does sometimes go back to his main course after pudding (which we need to work on next)

Oh, and generally, if it's something new, he has to at least try it.

He's 4y6mo, growing like a weed and pretty sensibly built now he's stretched out a bit

Thanks so much everyone. This is helpful. Mostly because I can probably relax a bit and not get so stressed if they don't want everything on their plate!

About 2 years ago they were incredibly fussy eaters and the only vegetables they would eat were peas so we were quite strict for a while whilst trying to improve their eating habits. Now they are much better and will eat broccoli, sweetcorn, carrots and other bits.

I should specify, these are my step children so they live (and eat) with us half of the week so we have slightly less control over their diets.

We do have a rule that they should always say yes if offered something new to try. One will always say yes, the other (7 year old) needs more convincing. 9 times out of 10 they like it so that helps!

Pudding is always fruit and yogurt unless it's treat day then it might be some chocolate or popcorn with a movie.

No. We talk about the importance of health eating and they can choose fruit or yogurt after dinner but sometimes have something more exciting.

No
I give meal, usually knowing he likes at least 1/2 if not all of it. Sometimes adding new foods or bits he isn’t as keen on. He eats what he likes, leaves what he likes or gets seconds if he wants more

He gets desert after every day regardless. Desert is always just Greek yogurt or fruit here. If he didn’t like dinner much, I figure doesn’t go to bed hungry. He’s 1 1/2

Same here, never forced to finish anything but always encouraged to try things. Always have desert regardless of how much is eaten but it's basically always fruit and yoghurt with occasional treats although saying we have collectively put away a lot of treats over Christmas!