I don't know what the point of this post is really, just to let the feelings out a bit. I've posted a couple of times recently about my 7 week old - she is unsettled all through the night (DH and I sleep in shifts and don't get more than 3/4 hours each maximum). She has had explosive poos and seemingly tummy pain which lactose free formula seems to be helping.
She and my 4yo are much longed for IVF babies. 4yo is a very lively and strong willed boy (not in a negative way, but parenting him is tiring still). Since my beautiful 7 week old DD was born, DS has had bouts of vomiting on and off for 5 weeks. GP is investigating and will do referral to paediatrician after bloods, as vomiting is at the same time every time (4am) and he's then fine in between - potential for cyclical vomiting syndrome, but it's been really stressful as started when DD was few days old and I've been terrified of it being a nasty bug that she might catch. Plus relentless cleaning and washing on top of the regular.
Then last Weds I vomited and diarrhea all afternoon, same anxiety and fears for DD. Fine after that one day, now it's happened again exactly the same time a week later. Have spent whole day in the bathroom. DH returns to work (from home) tomorrow. However much he helps I still have to get DS ready for school, look after DD all day and I now feel I can't go anywhere in case sickness returns.
It's all starting to just feel too much and I feel anxious and trapped, like the weight of responsibility is just too much and noone can help me with the constant sickness in this house. I love my children more than anything but I feel like a constant failure. In terms of support we have my mum but she works full time and is currently going through cancer treatment so can't put too much on her. We moved to a new area and whilst I've made some friends, none who I can really call on. I keep telling myself that things will get better but it doesn't feel like it right now. DH is a saint, does as much as he can but he has a very demanding job.
Sorry for the long post but I needed to get it out somewhere! Thanks anyone who's read.