4 year old doesn’t like his dad

[Trustynickname]

Hi all

So I have an issue with my 4 year old son. He doesn’t like his dad no matter how hard his dad tries and I try to encourage him.
His dad is trying so hard to have a relationship with him, but my little boy is just so rude to him (I do correct this behaviour), He will sometimes play with him for a short time and then my son will come and tell me that he’s done something wrong, silly things like he placed a puzzle piece in the wrong place, kind of like expecting me to tell his dad off?

I’m really at a loss of what to do about it. It’s been this way for a while now and I’ve tried different things to try and get him to respect and like his dad.
He will say things like I don’t love dad in front of his dad which can be hurtful, also things like your my best friend and so & so is my best friend but not dad.

I’ve asked him why he doesn’t like his dad and why he has this attitude towards him but he doesn’t know.

He will also try and talk to his dad as if he is the adult, he will say go to bed or tell him to be quiet or go in time out etc but Too which I’ve told him over and over that it’s rude and he is not the adult. It’s kind of as though he’s made it as though he’s his brother and not his dad.

He doesn’t listen when his dad tries too discipline him, and will look at me if his dad tells him off for me to tell him not too, or he will come and tell me. If he’s asked by him to go into time out he won’t go.

Any advice on what I can do to improve there relationship!? Because This is affecting us all.

Thanks

Does his dad do any of the practical parenting?
Does he spend time with his DS without you?

If not maybe that's a good place to start.
With DS1 my DH was working 12 hour days and I was obviously doing everything for DS. We had our routine and I suppose his dad was more like a visiting relative not a parent.
We changed this by DH doing more practical parenting so he cooked DS meals, got him dressed, did bath time and spent time with him without me there. After a few weeks it did work and DS's attitude changed towards his dad and he saw him as another mum/parent.
I think DS was a similar age to yours.

Dad should be correcting the behaviour, in the sense that Freddy don’t do that (for whatever reason) then continue playing with Freddy

I would really recommend you have a read of this:
www.janetlansbury.com/2015/02/when-children-prefer-one-parent/
and this: www.janetlansbury.com/2014/03/go-away-mama/
and listen to this: www.janetlansbury.com/2019/04/extreme-favoritism-toward-one-parent/

You can sort this!

i note from old threads you were advised to seek an autism assessment. I would be interested to know if this has been completed.

As what your describing is unusual even where a parent isnt as engaged as the main carer