Books that I can read to help with an anxious / catastrophising child

[FusionChefGeoff]

DD(7) has always felt thing very deeply but doesn't seem to be growing out of it yet and is getting very anxious about incredibly minor things.

I really don't think we're an anxious household obviously I might be wrong but DH and I are at a loss to what we can do. I must say "DD it doesn't matter I promise you' about 20 times a day and she really struggles with emotional meltdowns if she's unsure / doesn't know what's going to happen.

She's also very insecure about sleeping so either sleeps in with DS(9) or in our bed and is often up and down until someone goes to lie next to her.

She also seems emotionally immature about being afraid to be upstairs on her own etc

Yet in most social settings she's the life and soul / bowls straight in without so much as a backwards glance so she's a real contrast!!

I'm keen to do some reading around this to see how we can help her so this doesn't turn into something bigger - any recommendations or advice greatly appreciated.

This book was recommended to a friend by their child’s counsellor so I can’t recommend it personally but it may be worth a try. Good luck to you and your daughter.

She sounds like a thinker - doesn’t worry so much when she is busy and distracted but does when it’s just her on her own? Is she pretty bright by any chance?

My DD is the same, I don’t know if my approach is correct but I try to give her some thought processes to help her use her brain to overcome worries. So talking through with her “ok what are you worried might happen” and then letting her see that isn’t actually so bad. Like use an example of when that happened to someone else, did she think it was so terrible. Or if it’s something catastrophic she’s worried about I will give her some (possibly made up!!) statistics about how rare that is and how it only happens in xyz circumstances which isn’t us.

I also have realised that she will catastrophise everything at bedtime when she is tired so if she brings up a worry then I say let’s talk about it tomorrow- and by the morning she isn’t worried about it.

My dd (7) sounds similar. Like @minipie it's particularly bad at bedtime when she is tired (but is not a delaying bedtime tactic).

I have no idea if what I do is right either, but I try and get her to evidence where her worry is coming from. So for example she was worrying about being carsick the other day, but for a journey we have done countless times. She has never been physically sick before so I tried to challenge her thought process by giving her evidence to the contrary. We then tried to come up with practical strategies to use (e.g. picking where she sits in the car, using those travel sickness bracelets).

I am currently reading 'The book you wish your parents have read' By Philippa Perry which is a really interesting read. She stresses the importance of not minimising the feeling being expressed, but rather acknowledge and name it, so the child feels heard.

Oh thank you this is so reassuring - I will have a look at that book.

Yes absolutely she will overthink things when she has the opportunity - now that IS very much something I know I do so will try to make sure I'm not leading by example!!

Thanks again - will be mindful of not being too dismissive and trying to give her the time / space to work through worries and see they are not as big as she might think!

Ruby's worry is a great book. The illustrations show how a little girls worry gets bigger and bigger. Then she is able to manage it.

My dd, now 20, was at that age (and still is) an anxious person.
Something that worked for her bed time worries and thoughts was having a notebook and pen by her bed.
She would write down her thoughts if she was overthinking and worrying. We would then talk about it the next day if she wanted to.
Just mentioned it to her now and she said it was a massive help and she loved that notebook.
It stopped her worries from preventing her from sleeping.

@Snozzlemaid oh great - instant action!! Will get that sorted for her tomorrow thank you

This doesn’t answer your question as I can’t recommend a book but on reading your post I remembered that my daughter got a little bag of tiny ‘worry people’ at Christmas. You put them under your pillow and they draw your worries away as you sleep. It sounds as though your DD has rather intense anxiety but I wonder if this type of symbolic action would help a bit? (My child said it worked!! :) onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/worry-dolls/product/HN502929

Thanks yika - she does have a little worry doll but it's been forgotten about - I may try to bring it back