Can't control my DC

[LikeALeadBalloon]

You know when you organise something fun but it all ends in tears and you wonder why you bothered?

I realise it's because of me now. Kids argue and mess around the world over but my inability to get them to stop is what causes ww3. They ignore me and ignore me then when I get to my next level of warning there are hysterics. I now feel like a hideous person and a horrible mother when I just wanted a fun night before they go back to school this week

How old are they?
Negotiating with them before the activity and giving some ground rules can help.
Distract them when they start to get argumentative.
Have a chat with them and reflect on what happened and ask them what they each could have done to avoid the tears.

How old are they? Was it an activity that they would be interested in or is it an activity that you wanted to do or you enjoyed as a child and think they should too?

8 and 5. Tonight I think they just got giddy which happens but then they don't listen to a thing I say until I go too far and then there's hysterics. There were tears and then they just wanted their dad. He was in the same house but this was supposed to be a bit of fun for the three of us. He calmed them down and I felt like a monster.

My attempts to get the older one to reflect was that I gave them too much sugar (film night) so I lost it again as the point of not listening had been missed.

Can anyone advise a good book for dealing with this age range? I feel if I don't get a handle on it they will look back in the future and just see me as this horrible person when I'm actually always trying to make nice things happen, just fail at it

The film night was very much wanted and the film was fine apart from some niggles. This all erupted at the end when something was lost and I asked them to stop being silly / arguing while we got it sorted but it just got worse and worse as they were ignoring me so I sent them to their rooms. I honestly don't think I'm expecting too much but there's something about the way I'm approaching it that goes from too delicate to too abrasive as I admit I lose my rag in the end. It all overshadowed the film part.

Perhaps you need to make it crystal clear before the activity that it will be ended the minute they start arguing/being silly.

Then, you have to be prepared to see it through, if the behaviour starts and they don't calm down when reminded.

I don't do reminders as I think it's just obvious I don't want them to tit about! I do give lots of calm but stern warnings once they start though and everyday it falls on deaf ears and I get annoyed and mad and then have a go and they don't like that and get upset. So they ignore me when I ask nicely but don't like it when I shout, what the fuck do I do???

@RobertSmithsLipstick as much as I agree, if I did this we would never get to do anything. I would feel so mean

Have a browse at this site. I got some good ideas here
www.ahaparenting.com/

I hope you find some workable ideas, then.
Good luck.

@LikeALeadBalloon

I don't do reminders as I think it's just obvious I don't want them to tit about! I do give lots of calm but stern warnings once they start though and everyday it falls on deaf ears and I get annoyed and mad and then have a go and they don't like that and get upset. So they ignore me when I ask nicely but don't like it when I shout, what the fuck do I do???

Actions and consequences and don't weaken.

Thanks for the link will look at that - 'Happy, responsible kids' YES PLEASE

I had this recently after watching a movie in the evening. I think they get overtired and overstimulated. It’s normal kid behavior stuff, combined with parent life stuff leading to a clash.
Forget it and make a new start tomorrow.

Separate them as much as possible - only together when the movie starts - and on separate seats. My older two start kicking each other if they are too close - it starts as a laugh for them but then one goes to far and the other starts crying!

They are only young. You need to meet them where they are and remind them ask/how it is appropriate for them to behave. It sounds like both you and them need to change if you want a different outcome. You expect them to control their own behaviour without you teaching them but you’re an adult who in your own words just lost it again so you aren’t achieving what you are expecting from them. What time did you start film night and what time do they usual go to bed? What does there Dad do which is different if they don’t behave this way fo him? You need to think through situations in advance to look for potential triggers from them and you and figure out how you are going to deal with them. If you are regularly losing it with them then they maybe on edge.

Yes I know, using the words from the site linked I need to be better at regulating my own emotions if I'm to ever expect them to.

The thing with their dad is they listen to him. They listen to their grandparents and teachers too. Although DH is home a lot I'm the one who does most of the parenting re screen time, bath time, getting ready etc so the contentious issues in their eyes however I'm not the sole person to do it and when DH does it they just do it. It could be his technique but I think it's more likely they tune me out.

They are happy this morning and they think last night was fun so I didn't need to beat myself up into the early hours but I will be using this as a trigger to change things going forward.