Looking for some advice. My 4 yr old DD has become pretty fixated on what she wears the past few months. A lot of it is fairly harmless - though a little grating - stuff about wanting to be in dresses and tights and have fancy hairstyles (“girls don’t wear jeans and joggers, only boys wear jeans and joggers” she says to her mother, who lives in jeans and joggers!) I get a lot of this is about autonomy and developing identity so as much as possible we try to leave her to it and make her own choices.
There’s a couple of things which are causing real issues though - the first is that she completely refuses to dress for the weather. We live in the Scottish Highlands, so when you are out and about at this time of year you need to be warm and dry. My DH would be literally up a mountain daily if up to him, I’m less adventurous but still like to get some actual vitamin D and fresh air daily in the few daylight hours available! She will scream and tantrum about putting on any coat apart from her lightweight mac and will often refuse any sort of jumper (apparently girls ‘only’ wear flimsy party cardigans or have bare arms also?!) The upshot is:
A) She refuses to play in the garden with her brother, so we get a situation where DS is the only one helping to chop wood or do gardening, and DD is always indoors rearranging her dolls.
B) After an end of tether ‘fine, wear what you like, but you’ll get cold’ she, surprise, gets cold/wet and even once she’s reluctantly put on the gear we have of course brought with us it’s a case of shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted and she’s plays merry hell until we give in and go home.
C) On school/nursery days, or when we are trying to go somewhere for a day trip this can be so time consuming we become seriously late. DS has missed the school bell before because of a stand off with DD about wearing gloves. A lot the time we are physically manhandling her into the clothes but she will sometimes fight us and get into a complete emotional state - which doesn’t feel good for anyone.
Relatedly, she still has occasional tolieting issues - just the odd accident because ‘I was having too much fun playing’. But, we’re pretty sure she will sometimes do this when she is wearing clothes she doesn’t like, so she can go change into a new outfit. We follow the idea of not getting cross with them for accidents, but it’s pretty frustrating and a little concerning.
Worth saying no SEN, no sensory issues that I’m aware of - often the preferred options have more itchy bits, bows, seams etc than her standard play clothes.
TL:DR my young DD is obsessed with very ‘girly’ clothes, I’m not bothered in principle, but it’s making daily family life a bit of a battleground and limiting all our activities, any advice?