Sharing finances with DP now that we have a baby!

[R1cciteddy]

Hi maybe not in the right place, but...

DP and I have always shared costs of rent, bills, food etc but other than that have had very separate finances. We have a 5 month old and as I was figuring out finances for going back to work it seems to make sense for us to completely share our finances and take out our own 'pocket money' per month from our joint account

Is this what most people do?

We earn roughly the same but I'll go back 4 days a week. We aren't high earners but we are definitely comfortable to get by and save a bit.

Only issue is DP is pretty crap with money and I believe he's in quite a bit of debt
Id say im pretty good with money.

Anyhow, just wondered how others set up their finances once they've had a baby?

TIA

I'm a bit that yo are having a baby with someone who you think has quite a bit of debt but you don't actually know!
Firstly, find that out and his plan for clearing it

Yes, you should be sharing finances for the baby. Pro-rata to your income ideally

How about you set up an account for joint expenses to go out of - rent, fixed bills etc. Work out how much money needs to go in each month to cover them, then each transfer half that much by standing order, each month, into the account. Don't use this account for buying things at all. Have a debit card but only for setting up direct debits for bills etc.

Have a second account for discretionary spending - groceries, baby stuff, etc. Decide how much you need as a basic amount per month in the second account, transfer that per month by standing order. Adjust the amount you transfer each month as necessary, each have a debit card.

Whatever you each have left in your own current account, is your own. If one of you earns /works more so you feel should contribute more & the other does most of the house & baby stuff, do that.

DH and I don’t pool our money; as I work part time he pays more towards our outgoings but whatever is left over after bills is our own money. We have very different approaches to how we spend money

How crap is he with money? How much debt is he in and what are his plans for clearing it?

I wouldn't pool money with someone who is crap with money and in debt, unless he has a huge income?

In theory it may help him if he is given a monthly "spends" and he can stick to it? It can then be a case this his debt gets paid down as a priority.

I would increase your pensions contributions to counter act you reducing your income though as you aren't married.

DH and I treat all our money as joint. We each have an allowance (same amount each) and the everything else is pooled. It works for us but anecdotally I'd say we're unusual and it's more common for couples around the same age (we are mid thirties) to keep finances separate.

It's a bit worrying that your DP is in debt though. In those circumstances I'd be wary about sharing finances unless he is committed to becoming more sensible with money.

We pay into a joint account to cover all bills, childcare, groceries, childrens clothes/activities, repairs, car, life insurance etc.

The amount we pay in is based on our income so if we earned the same it would be 50/50. If one earned 3000 and the other 1000 then it’s split 75% to 25%.

Now one of us isn’t earning I think we will switch it so we both have equal disposable income after all bills. If your partner has debts then they might not have much free time spend for a while.

We are married 10 years but have our own money. I earn less due to part time hours so dh pays for childcare.

Everything else we split. We have a joint account and I in half the mortgage or bills. Dj leaves money in cash for groceries or towards school uniform.

That's how we both want it. I would hate to share finances. I recently purchased a sofa and dh paid for outdoor work. It just works for us.

Am also surprised that you "think" he has quite a lot of debt, and haven't had some open discussions about this long before you thought about having a baby.

However, yes, to me, once you are a family unit, it makes sense that all income belongs to 'the family' and, if you can afford it, then you get equal amount of "spends".
What you do about debt built up before you were together, in terms of how this effects the 'spends' you each have, is on the table for discussion.

We do what you are suggesting OP.

Our monthly incomes both go into a joint account.

We each take £400 from the joint account and transfer it into out personal account for our own monthly spends but everything else is paid for out of the joint account.

If he is crap with money keep your own bank account. Get child benefit paid to you too. DH and I have our own accounts but both pay in joint account every month. All household bills and mortgage comes out of joint account. Anything in our own account we can spend ourselves.

DP and I have always had separate accounts and split everything 50/50 (although since DS was born DP has agreed to cover some ‘big ticket’ items like a car and a deposit for a house - I am on a good wage but DP is an very high earner).

When it came to maternity leave I took reduced pay for 3 months and no pay for 3 months to enable me to take a full 12 months off. For each of those months I worked out my loss and DP paid me half so we split the financial burden.

If you’re going back 4 days a week for childcare reasons and it’s feasible for your DP to pay you half your loss, I’d do this and continue to keep your finances separate, personally.

I don't completely share finances with dp. I dropped a day of work after ds1 was born, but increased my pension contribution to ensure I was contributing the same as when I was full time. Dp does the tax free childcare for nursery fees and gives me money towards the kids. He also gave me extra while I was on mat leave so I could afford to be off on statutory. I prefer separate finances and wouldn't have a clue how much he has in his bank account.

I will never share finances with anyone. Child of divorce - in typical 80s style my mum gave up her job and moved miles from her family to be a SAHM while my dad climbed the corporate ladder. When he left, my uneducated mum had nothing to fall back on - no income, no education, very little work experience. Of course he supported her financially very very well, given his wealth, but even 30 years later she is constantly in debt because she’d never had to budget or deal with her own finances. Went straight from her parents home to being given a generous household allowance with no clue of how to manage money for now and in the future.

Sounds harsh, but you never know what is going to happen. Divorce, illness, job loss. Make sure that you have your own income and your own money in your own account.

We both pay the same amount into our joint account each month. Recently upped it by a hundred each to repay a loan we took for some home improvements.

The rest of our money is ours to spend as we like, though we do each buy clothes for the DC. And we each buy for one child at Christmas and birthdays, as we have two DC, this keeps it fair.

You believe he is in debt? How is a family budget even set if you don’t know the outgoings?

We roughly pro rata but I keep all accounts separate and each manage our own savings and debts and things, because I’m great and sensible with money, have a decent pension, and hold majority equity in our house - we have a deed of trust - and DP is and always will be a spendthrift. Ideally we’ll be together forever but if we did split I’d rather be on my own solid financial footing than married or tied up with his poor financial choices.

We have a joint account which we use to pay all bills and the mortgage, plus joint costs like DC's clothes and our supermarket shops. We pay the same amount each into the joint account every month. With my remaining income I add to savings or spend on myself. DH largely saves.

When I am on maternity leave, I contribute for as long as my salary holds out (6 months on my current package) and then it's over to DH for the remainder of the leave period until I go back to work. Last time I decimated my entire savings pot to pay the bills for a few extra months but I am not going to do that this time as I hate having nothing in the bank (and it's not practical). Luckily we can afford this.

This feels fair to us. We are fortunate that we both earn similar amounts so there isn't huge income disparity to take into account.

We've pooled our money since we started living together. For the 20 years we've been together we've earned around the same until 4yo DS was born when I went part time and DH got a big promotion. Everything is shared and just goes into and out of one joint account. I can't imagine having to work out finances between us on top of everything else! Once you're a family it just makes sense I think.

It’s a bit worrying that you’ve had a baby with someone with debt problems you aren’t fully across.

Give this I wouldn’t fully blend finances, but I would set up a JA for bills, mortgage, food, baby stuff, home bits and bobs.

I’d get spending money - ideally equal - to stay in your own BAs for your personal spending.

The rest of the money goes into savings, pensions, emergency savings and debt.

I’d make finding out what his debt is and organise paying it off ASAP. The fact you are doing a financial overhaul should make it easier to discuss.

Once the debt is cleared, then you might want to marry and fully blend finances

No. Have your wage and child benefit paid into your account.
Then direct debit enough out to cover bills etc, into a joint account. Ensure that the joint account open cannot have an overdraft facility, and cannot have a loan on it.

My husband was also crap with money and this was a major contribution to our divorce in the end. Getting a joint account with him was quite possibly the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

We pay proportionate to our incomes into a joint account and all the rest is our personal money to spend/save. If you are working part time (and earning less), you should pay in less. Then all personal spending comes out of your own accounts. I have no idea what Dh spends his money on and he is the same with me. I think it makes sense that we share our joint expenses from a joint account, but I like having my own money, so not really into the ‘family money’ thing. But we do cover joint expenses equitably, which is key.

Who paid for your time off with the baby?