Page 2 | Leaving baby

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

takenforgrantednana · 01/01/2022 16:34

@NS1988

Just wondering how old peoples babies were when they left them with someone. My babies nearly 7 weeks and I don’t want to leave him at all with anyone until he is older. My partner thinks I have separation anxiety, which I might, but I just feel he is too young and I would be uncomfortable leaving him. MIL goes on at him about having the baby, taking him out for a walk etc and then rolls her eyes when he tells her that I won’t leave him with anyone else without me being there. They have hardly bothered making effort to see him, which annoys me but also think he should be left to cry when they want to put him down to sleep etc which I personally don’t agree with when he’s so young. Partner keeps saying I need a break and to leave him with his family so we can go for an meal or whatever just the two off us but I’m not happy doing this. Is this normal for me to feel this way with a baby of his age? When did you leave your baby with someone for some time to yourself?

i was babysitting my yougest grand daughter at 4 weeks old for the full weekend along with her 2 yr old sister, but i had done the normal afternoon sessions prior to that along with in and out of their house about 3 times a week.

being left to cry means different things to different people are you sure yours and hers mean the same? i bet she means to put in the pram and take for a walk while they dose off, where as you imply she wants to put into another room and shut the door while he screams his head off, which to be honest i had to do that with my second one for my sanity as nothing suited him, even the nurses couldnt get him to be quiet for 5 mins he was exhausting!

your partner is right you need to get over this and the first step is to start allowing her around yours and take the baby for a walk around the block while you jump in the bath/cook/clean whatever but you got to start somewhere, its not healthy for you at all

1990sbaby · 01/01/2022 16:45

She wanted us to live with her, and DP and I had no problem with it in the beginning. DP pays rent and majority of bills. I have kept a busy schedule with DD, so she does have the house to herself most days.

No DP, says she’s always been like this since he can remember and she never did much with him or his brother either. We’re moving out in March, so she’ll have the place to herself again but has already mentioned that we need to come see her every week. I told her it won’t be possible every week with 2 DC on trains and busses and she just shrugged and didn’t say anything else about it. But my mum who lives as equally far if not further than her to where we moving to has said she can’t wait to come and visit.

TBH, my mum has my DD every other weekend because it’s uncomfortable to invite guests even my own family here because MIL stays in room, even though she’ll happy txt/call my mum. My mum has only visited DD here the first few times when DD was born and once in a blue moon. I’ve had no friends over, no play dates for DD or anything just because i know it’ll be a weird vibe. I can’t wait to move out and hope she’ll make an effort.

1990sbaby · 01/01/2022 17:06

@shivawn @girlmom21

red30505 · 01/01/2022 17:10

Baby is 6 months and I'm only just ready to leave her with someone other than her dad.

DontWantTheRivalry · 01/01/2022 17:11

First child: 9 months. I went out one night with some friends and left him with his dad.

Second child: 8 months. As above.

They didn’t really start being left with others until they were about a year or so.

Kite22 · 01/01/2022 17:26

Depends what you mean by leave them - my sister took my baby for a walk round the block in the first few weeks whilst I slept- my husband took over when I wasn’t breastfeeding (guess that’s kind of leaving them)- I didn’t do every bath time- and I had my first night out at 6 weeks, baby was with my husband.

This ^

Do you "leave him" with your DP ? (ie, parent jointly)
I think it strange when people won't do that.

This gets asked a lot on here and you get a wide variety of answers.
When I had my dc, we got 3 months maternity leave, so the ide of 'never' leaving them for weeks and week, or months is a bit alien to me. There were also practical considerations - like I needed to go to the dentist (had put off for some time whilst pregnant). I think it is good to build up a circle of people you trust with the baby, for when you need to leave them. I don't think you are doing yourself any favours by never letting trusted people take over for an hour.

All that said - it is up to you and your dp ultimately.

Original poster

NS1988 · 01/01/2022 17:44

@Kite22

Yes do leave him with partner it’s more leaving him with other people. Just feel like I don’t have that trust with people who live close enough to help look after him yet as haven’t seen them with him much to see what they are like with a baby

OP posts:

pollygartertidywife · 01/01/2022 17:45

There are about a thousand threads with the same question on here. Have a search.
You will find the exact same outcome in every one. Some people are super anxious about leaving.. some like me - upped and buggered of to Amsterdam with DH for 3 days at 6 weeks old. It just depends what type of personality you are. If the child is generally healthy then they don't really care either way and adapt pretty quickly. They can smell boob milk at a thousand paces if breastfed as long as you express a load they will settle with whoever delivers it.

I know people like to ascribe a lot of feelings to young babies but really their needs are simple. Feed change and keep warm. Much much harder to leave a toddler if never done before. They really do get upset if it has not been a part of their lives from small. That's why I left all mine regularly from babyhood. Never more than 4 days max but it did make it easier when we left three yr old for a week to attend a wedding in Canada.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/01/2022 17:52

your partner is right you need to get over this and the first step is to start allowing her around yours and take the baby for a walk around the block while you jump in the bath/cook/clean whatever but you got to start somewhere, its not healthy for you at all

Absolute bollocks. He’s not right and she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to.

Tbh most of the rest of what you’ve said is also pretty mad too.

takenforgrantednana · 01/01/2022 18:01

@AnneLovesGilbert

your partner is right you need to get over this and the first step is to start allowing her around yours and take the baby for a walk around the block while you jump in the bath/cook/clean whatever but you got to start somewhere, its not healthy for you at all

Absolute bollocks. He’s not right and she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to.

Tbh most of the rest of what you’ve said is also pretty mad too.

oh right ok , nice to know your a snowflake then

cptartapp · 01/01/2022 18:06

Well, no one ever offered. These threads where GP are desperate to have the GC alone or overnight are completely alien to me. I would have killed for it. We did leave DS1 with DM for two hours when he was four weeks old for my birthday meal. I was fine with it tbh. It was the only offer though.
By four months I was absolutely desperate for a break and went back to work pt. Same with DS2 at five months. It was the only break we ever got.
Now 19 and 16 and all bonded well enough.

JustWonderingIfYou · 01/01/2022 19:15

@NS1988
Your post stinks.

If anything sounds unhealthy its a 4 week old being away from ita mother for a whole weekend. Or a newborn being left to cry, in a pram or room makes no difference!

Op don't do anything until you feel ready, there is literally no reason to rush this if you are not ready. Its unnatural for a mother to part with a newborn, you wouldn't do it to an animal. I think I left DS at home with DP when he was maybe 8 weeks for 30 mins or so and then GPs took him out for an hour's walk from 5 months. He went to Mils for the day from a year or so but has never stayed away from home overnight. We haven't had the need during covid.

Obviously DP was left with DS whilst I napped or had a bath from day 1. I would worry if you felt you couldn't leave the same room as him.

JustWonderingIfYou · 01/01/2022 19:15

Sorry that was to @takenforgrantednana!

ferntwist · 01/01/2022 19:19

Totally normal for you to feel this way at only 7 weeks! No way should you be leaving your baby with someone else if you don’t feel comfortable. They also should not be leaving a 7-week old to cry themselves to sleep, that’s horrific. Babies that age need to be fed or cuddled on demand.
Don’t let them push you around and belittle your natural mothering instincts.
I left my oldest for the first time at almost four months and with my youngest it was even longer.

EishetChayil · 01/01/2022 19:24

DD is 16 months and I've only ever left her with DH for an hour.

GalacticGoddess · 01/01/2022 19:25

About 8/9 months before I started leaving DD for a couple hours max with DH - breastfeeding a lot still and not a good eater so couldn't rely on a good meal instead of a feed.

1 year she started nursery and was breast feeding 2/3 times a day so was able to go a full day 8 hours. Can leave her on an evening now and feel not too worried as she's generally a decent sleeper and settles well with DH.

16 months she had her first sleepover with my parents and I breastfed before I left and then morning on pick up.

Timeturnerplease · 01/01/2022 19:28

Your reply needs to be that you’ll happily leave your child with someone who will respond to their needs and not leave them to cry.

And this is coming from someone who left DD1 overnight with MIL at 4.5 months due to a surprise night away booked by DP. Difference is, I knew she’d bend over backwards to ensure DD felt safe and happy.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 01/01/2022 19:29

Left them with husband at a few days old to pop to the shops. Never for longer than two hours in the first six months though.
Left them with MIL at 4 years old for the day.
Never left any of them overnight.

Bambam2019 · 01/01/2022 22:56

I remember it was my birthday when baby was about 6 weeks old. My mum came round and offered to take my baby for a walk so myself and partner could spend an hour together alone…..well I cried the whole time and eventually after half an hour had to ring her and ask her to bring baby back 😂 I’ve left him quite a few times now for nights out with friends with my partner (who is the dad) and a few times with family so that myself and partner could go out for dinner etc but he’s not stayed out yet (almost 1)

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/01/2022 23:26

I was happy to let GPs and aunties have mine for a few hours after about 4 weeks to sleep overnight with GPs from 6 weeks

Luckyducky75 · 01/01/2022 23:33

Good grief 7 weeks is still tiny no wonder you don't want to leave them! I didn't leave mine at all with anyone except DH until they were 18 months old. Do it when you're ready and tell your DH and MIL to back off xx

Luckyducky75 · 01/01/2022 23:39

Also seperation anxiety is usually used when referring to clingy toddlers, what you're suffering from are natural maternal instincts. Your DH may do well to drop the amateur psychology 🤣🤣🤣

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