A few questions about a second baby.. (3 year age gap)

[Yebbie]

My little boy will be 3 in June and then I'm due in July, so will be almost exactly a 3 month gap.

Do I need to do something to prepare him? Is it worth buying a doll etc? Read books about becoming a big brother etc? Talk about it a lot? Or will that sort of push it the other way and be a bit much for him? If I should do these things, when would you start doing them?

He's obviously completely used to being the centre of our attention, he gets jealous when we give the dog a fuss! I am a little worried how he will take it... but I'm so excited to see him as a big brother I just want to know how to prepare him for it, really.

He's out of a cot and fully in his own room, which will definitely help and he is becoming more self sufficient in some ways, he's very much still in nappies though, absolute no interest in the potty - is this something I should push before the baby is born?

Any general tips appreciated!

3 year not month. Obviously

Congratulations 🙂 My two boys have an identical age gap and honestly on the whole it's been lovely.

DS1 was very interested in my pregnancy and really enjoyed talking about how big the baby was each week (eg size of a satsuma, grapefruit etc) and when he could feel kicks he was in awe. We didn't do the doll thing as he has zero interest in dolls generally but did have lots of fun making up scenarios like when the baby is old enough you can pull him/her around on a sledge or play games with him/her etc. I also prepped him for when I would be in hospital and that he would he staying with grandma etc. We also picked out a present of his choice for the baby (a toy parrot! Random.) I also asked him what he would like the baby to buy him as a saying hello present and I think that helped as he got the toy he wanted the same evening I came out of hospital.

The newborn stage was very easy as I was able
to carry DS2 around a lot and still play with DS1. I won't lie that months 3-6 were hard as DS2 'woke up' more and needed much more of my attention. DS1 by nature is very patient but it was hard. I got into the habit of getting DS2 to nap in the buggy in our conservatory at this stage so I could give really focused 1:1 to DS1 at these times (which was hard as actually just wanted to chill out in front of Paw Patrol!) but it helped him to know that several times a day it would be just me and him.

Once DS2 was sitting up unassisted and playing so around 6 months things got massively easier as could then play with both of them. It is exhausting though.

Seeing their relationship and bond is honestly the most beautiful thing. Makes the harder times worth it. DS2 is a year now and it's quite a breeze. I know that's likely to change as we approach the toddler years... good luck and enjoy x

We found it quite useful to read books about getting a sibling. I think it really spoke to my DS1. Closer to my due date we kept explaining to him what was going to happen (auntie coming over, mummy and daddy going to hospital, coming back with baby etc) to help him make sense of it. I now think though that no matter how well prepared they are it's still a shock to the system for them and it just takes some time to adjust. We had a difficult few months but with every week it got a bit easier and DS1 more 'normal' and content again.

I have a 2.5 year gap. I did lots of the prep pps have mentioned re explaining me going into hospital and who would look after DC1 etc. But I forgot to explain that the baby would be part of the family forever as none of the “new big sibling” books explicitly say that and obvs as adults you take it for granted 🤣. So do explain that!

I'm sure every child is different but my DS didn't give 2 hoots. Barely took any notice that I was pregnant, wasn't at all interested, then his brother arrived and that was that, you'd think we'd just changed the bedding or something as little impact as that! It's an incredibly adaptable age. You'll know your child best, mine is so laid back he's horizontal, so I didn't over think it.

(Partly probably because I have birth at home to he went to bed as a singleton and woke up to find me on the sofa with a baby 😂)

P.s but I genuinely believe 3 years is the PERFECT age gap. Biased obviously.

I have the same gap. There are some lovely books, there is a house inside my mummy and I was the first were my favourites. You need to make is clear that babies are boring and not ready to be a play mate yet.

We had a book that we read every time she wanted to, she'd feel my bump and sing to the baby but didn't seem too interested overall. We did a lot of prep explaining that the baby would cry a lot, they sleep a lot and aren't very interesting. She went to pick a toy for her brother and we brought her a present from him. I was having a section so we talked a lot about going to hospital, who'd look after her and how I'd be feeling afterwards. Sling was a lifesaver in the early days.

It's gone pretty well tbh, bit of jealous sometimes and I'm finding it harder now that DS is on the move to stop him from ruining her play.

Thank you all, I am so excited and feel good about the gap, I wanted 18 months at first (am I mental!) but couldn't afford it so was waiting for free nursery hours when he turned 3. I accidentally timed it to perfection!

It's still early days, so we aren't talking about it with him. Is it generally after 12 weeks you'd mention it to toddler and start with the books etc? Or maybe more to 20 so there isn't such a long build up?

Thanks for tips of books and new toys, I think that's a brilliant idea and will steal that. I have to have a c-section so will plant the seed early about not being able to climb on or be held by mummy for a few weeks..

I had a two year age gap. We started talking about it with DS1 around 12 weeks. As soon as I had started showing and talking to others about it. So he didn't feel left out. We found out we were having another DS at 20 weeks and picked the name. So we were able to tell DS1 so and so was living in my tummy. I think that helped him understand it a bit better.

See how you feel about potty training. I waited until my DS was almost 3 because I didn't want to push him with it after his brother had been born. Even if he is trained before DC2 arrives, don't worry if he starts having accidents afterwards. It's totally normal.

I had a three year age gap with my siblings so I do think it works well.

Congratulations! We've got 3 year 3 month gap. We talked about DD a lot, read some stories etc - he never seemed interested but was absolutely besotted at first (now she's crawling and after his toys it's a bit trickier). Don't know what went in but it was generally positive when she arrived.

I would say practically DS being potty trained helped (we used oh crap approach just before he turned 3), plus DH having a few weeks off at the start.

We have an almost exactly 3 year age gap. We told DS at 12 weeks when we started other people so we told him first rather than some 'are you excited about being a big brother' conversation with a well meaning friend/relative. It was a long time to wait but we planted tomatoes in the January so we told him it would be about the same time the tomatoes had finished, he seemed to enjoy watching them growing.

We had a book, it made him unsettled whenever we read it. Any mention of the baby made him unsettled. He didn't like that I couldn't play with him in the third trimester (as all his games involve crawling round the floor).

But we got him a present 'from the baby'. He stayed at granny and grandad's house when she was born, and we made sure that the baby was in a Moses basket when he came home. He has taken to her better than expected.

They will surprise you! Billions of people have had multiple children, so it can be done (that's what I keep telling myself).

2.9y age gap here - DD1 is now 3 and DD2 is almost 5 months. We did loads of talking about the new baby and her helping us set up the crib etc, but quite forgot to explain that babies are very boring at the start - she was under the impression that she’d have a ready made playmate!

The biggest transition for DD1 was going from me working full time so having the undivided attention of two grandparents four days a week (one at nursery) to being at home with a busy Mummy, in a new house with most of her toys in storage waiting for the playroom to be built. You might need to factor this in if there will be a big routine change - we again failed to focus on this part.

Newborn stage was hard as DD2 would only nap in a moving buggy like DD1 did, so I had to spend a lot of time rocking it with my foot while playing with DD1. Brief improvement around 3 months, but now we’re in the pre sitting frustration stage so it’s got harder again. I’m assured that baby mobility and ability to play together is the beginning of the easier part so holding out for that!

"Is it generally after 12 weeks you'd mention it to toddler and start with the books etc? Or maybe more to 20 so there isn't such a long build up?"

Hi op, I just wanted to say I was bursting to tell my son at 12 weeks but my husband wanted to leave it for as long as possible so we compromised and I held out a bit... but at around 14 weeks or so my som just announced out of the blue 'mummy you've got a baby in your tummy' very matter of fact style. So my advice would be to not leave it too long as children can deffo figure things out!! I brushed his comment off then we did a proper announcement to him a few days later (scan pic and big brother t shirt). This went down like a led balloon but after a few weeks of processing things he came round to the idea and now he's beyond excited and always taking about the baby. Even passing me drinks and saying 'here mummy would the baby like a drink?' We'll have a 3.5 year gap.

You'll be great, just use your own intuition and go with the flow. I have 2 years almost exactly between my 2 and ds didn't bat an eyelid, I think he accepted the change better than we did! He did spend a couple of weeks calling her the name he had chosen (after a thomas train) but dropped it eventually.
Potty training, I'd just say get it done either before or after you gest starts crawling! That was a messy time with dd crawling through puddles

We have exactly the same age gap. We told DS after 12 weeks and bought a book but we didn’t really go on about it as it was still so far away. As we got closer we’d talk about it more but still quite casually eg. getting the baby’s room decorated and set up so we’d explain it was for the baby etc. Then nearer due date obviously explaining about granny coming to look after him while we were at the hospital ‘getting’ the baby.
At first he was very interested but then lost interest a bit when he realised she didn’t really do anything for the first few months, I think he was expecting to be able to play with her straight away. I did find the first few months hard but DS has actually adapted so well to it all. Now she’s 7.5 months and crawling and he loves her, playing with her and ‘helping’ with her, and I can’t wait to see their bond developing as they get older.