Advice please 💖

[Boombangboom]

So we have a newborn and a 4 year old ds.
The issue we have is that we made the bad decision for dh to share ds bed because I was pregnant and felt uncomfortable with him in bed and because it was easier to prevent ds getting up at night when I was working ft.
Dh is sahp and does night feeds of newborn but ds is getting up to follow him when he leaves the bedroom. So ds is getting disrupted sleep and dh is having to deal with two kids in the middle of the night.
I guess the ideal is to wean ds off of having his dad in bed but no idea how and if it will cause more issues !
Anybody out there can provide some advice ? Would be appreciated, thanks

Are you not doing night feeds too as you won't be back at work yet? Unfair to leave your dh to deal with both of them at night

Thanks for replying
I’m doing all day breastfeeding and expressing, trying to get his weight up. I carry on until about 1:30am (dh in bed with other ds from 9) and then we hand over and I try to get 6 hours sleep. He uses my expressed milk when I’m not there.
We did try dh waking me every three hours through the night but I was a mess during the day then with baby and toddler to deal with and trying to breastfeed and express.
When I get up dh goes back to bed and toddler comes to me

If you don't want DS in by himself, wouldn't it make more sense to have baby in with DH if he's doing the night feeds and DS in with you?

I'd get your DS sleeping by himself though, I know everyone on MN cosleeps for years but it's not fair on him being disturbed by his parents coming and going half the night.

I think one parent needs to deal with one child each night, you can either be consistent or take turns. If your older child has been used to cosleeping then I don’t think you should be making an major changes now a new child has arrived as his world has already been turned upside down.

Thanks for the advice. You are right. I have chatted with dh, we decided it’s best I do the night then he can stay in with ds and get up with him in the morning. Then we have one child each. Just trying to navigate this new world! How do women have lots of kids who are toddlers, must be so hard!

If you are trying to increase your supply (you mention weight gain issues with the baby) then feeding from the breast over night is the best way to do this.

@fallagain thanks , yes I read that somewhere, it’s just by 1am after expressing x7 and bf x 7 I’m really flagging and start to fall asleep. I guess if I rejig my body clock to be daytime sleep then that will resolve though . Thanks for the advice