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Parenting

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Original poster

My child won't do anything alone

21 replies

dancingforever · 30/12/2021 17:28

And I mean anything! Our home is open plan so even when I am in the kitchen he won't stay in the living room and play. He won't do ANYTHING at all alone, he needs me there constantly and I'm exhausted. My partner is also drained too. I'm out of ideas how to encourage even 5 mins of independent play so I can sit down. He won't go to sleep on his own anymore, he won't sleep in his own bed anymore, this has been going on for months now and no matter what we try things are not improving!! Is this normal? If not what can we do! He's 2 on Sunday

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Fallagain · 30/12/2021 17:33

Wait until he is a bit older! 2 is still very young.

Coriandersucks · 30/12/2021 17:37

That’s why we had another one! Sorry not helpful but as pp said he’s still little. Think ours was 3 before doing more independent play

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/12/2021 17:39

Most children don't do stuff on their own at that age (and some never do). It is completely normal for a toddler, but you and your DP can manage it by giving each other respite time.

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Nix32 · 30/12/2021 17:41

It's just what they do at this age - they just want to be with you. Gradually, they'll be able to play alone for a few minutes, while you're there watching rather than interacting. I promise, you'll blink and suddenly be wishing they wanted to spend time with you. This stage doesn't last long.

IDontDrinkTea · 30/12/2021 17:42

This sounds completely normal for that age. although it is exhausting

Ohyesiam · 30/12/2021 17:42

I thought you meant he was 11 or something.
I don’t think two year olds go in for alone time. The sleep thing, sounds like he is anxious, maybe not from anything dreadful, but if he can feel you needing distance all the time, that could easily make him want more contact. I’m not judging you btw, I found the early years v intense and wanted more space.
Co sleeping really helps, because then they feel secure at night and it sort of seeps into the day.

DogCatBoysAndMe · 30/12/2021 17:42

My eldest was like this when he was an only child. He wanted a playmate and that boiled down to whoever was around which was mainly me.
Maybe try a large egg timer that he can physically see and say once that's finished we'll play xyz.?

Thesearmsofmine · 30/12/2021 17:43

What you can do is adjust your expectations. He is a baby, of course he doesn’t want to be independent.

Original poster

dancingforever · 30/12/2021 17:48

It's every single thing though, he is glued to me or at least one of us 24/7. I just feel really fed up. If it's normal it's normal, I don't remember the last time I got to do anything without a whinging moaning toddler glued to me! I'm not asking for him to play entirely alone, just 30 seconds would be enough right now. I have literally got a constant headache, I'm not sleeping because he's in our bed and kicking and punching me all through his sleep. I'm just exhausted and overwhelmed. Looking forward to going back to work in a weeks time for a rest. At least I know it's all normal and hopefully won't last forever

OP posts:

HunkyPunk · 30/12/2021 17:51

One day you’ll notice that he can’t tolerate more than 5 minutes of your company before he disappears off to his room, and look back on this wistfully!

Babyvenusplant · 30/12/2021 17:55

Some children play independently and others don't, it's completely normal.

Have you tried playdough or kinetic sand? (Obviously while still watching him from afar just incase) my daughter gets absorbed in those and will happily sit and play for a good hour.

Will he sit and watch TV on his own? Try and find a tv show that really grips him

Smartiepants79 · 30/12/2021 17:57

Well I’d be dealing with the sleep issues as a priority as I could not have handled that. Do you all share a bed? That would do me in. Cosleeping is popular on here but I would have lost my mind.
Sleep training can be controversial on Mn but I’d be working on trying to get him to sleep in his own bed.
He will Of course grow out of it eventually but without some gentle encouragement it could be a while!

Riverlee · 30/12/2021 18:00

I agree, do the sleep training first.

Maybe go and buy some new fun duvet covers for his bedroom, to make it more attractive.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/12/2021 18:05

just 30 seconds would be enough right now

You and your DH should be giving each other a significant break each day (uninterrupted). Talk to him and tell him you need this.

Malariahilaria · 30/12/2021 18:10

OP you have my utmost sympathy. I had one of these. Made popping to the corner shop for milk like escape from alcatraz and just as exciting. Some say you'll look back on this and wish it were still so, I bloody don't. I hated it. Much prefer independent little souls pootling around occasionally popping into the kitchen for some help, a chat or a hug, than a limpet. I would fix the co-sleeping though, especially if you're planning on going back to work. You need sleep to cope with this and to do your job without losing your mind.

JuneOsborne · 30/12/2021 18:19

At 2, I found you had to put the time in. 30 mins setting something up and playing with it, gives you 20 minutes of them continuing the play on their own. As they get older, the time on their own increases.

Arren12 · 30/12/2021 18:20

Yes its normal at 2 but it does not make it easier. I get what posters are trying to do when they say you will look back on it when they are teens but its quite frustrating when your in the think of it. Its like you should just put up and shut up but you don't have to. My eldest has additional needs and has never played by herself even at age 8. She would (and still does) follow me around. I was at breaking point. So I had to put a stop to it SEN or not. I also became very strict with my younger dd as she began down the same path and I was not going to do it all over again. I'm sorry but no you are human and need downtime.

We have become so child centered in this society we have forgotten about parents as people. We have tipped the balance from seen and not heard to giving children all the power and we have over indulged them. There is a middle ground and we have missed it. I attended a meeting about this recently because the rise in child violence is shocking. We are passive or over indulgent parents and its to the detrement of ourselves and the children. "If I just give this, if I just do this then dc will behave" is the mindset of most. Its shown on thread after thread here. We must all put dc first and give them all of ourselves and meet all their needs all the time but to be honest we have lost sight of what the essentials are.

You will be told to play tag team with your dh but you are not slaves just there to serve the needs of the dc. What about if you both fancy sitting together for a change.

Yes its normal now but it certainly was not normal not so long ago. Parents came first.

Its very difficult at 2 but it can be changed. Even if you ignore him. Obviously if he's absolutely distressed then see to him but he will survive a few moments of being ignored when he is wingeing.

With my dc I basically told them that I'm a person I don't enjoy playing with toys and you better go please yourself.
Even when dd2 was very young I used to just carry on doing what I needed or wanted and she eventually got bored of bring ignored and would toddle off to play.

I'm not saying ignore him every minute of the day or never play with him etc but there is a limit and its ok.

Timeturnerplease · 30/12/2021 19:38

DD1 is just turned 3 and has never ever played on her own for even a moment. Sleeps alone yes, watches tv alone yes, plays for hours with her friends without adults support but she won’t even colour/do Play Doh/water or sand table at home without constant joining in from us. The cause is clear - she’s been looked after four days a week during term time by her grandparents, who are both retired and so she has been used to at least one of them being a full participant in/initiating play at all times. It’s very exhausting on weekends and in school holidays, when we do need to do jobs around the house.

We haven’t found a solution yet I’m afraid, but DD2 is now almost five months so DD1 will spend ten minutes or so ‘playing’ with her, and she’s starting full time preschool in January so maybe that’ll change things….

Good luck, it’s bloody hard work!

Kdubs1981 · 30/12/2021 19:41

He's still practically a baby! This is totally normal!

felulageller · 31/12/2021 10:17

I thought you were going to say a much older child!

That's completely normal for is age.

HunkyPunk · 31/12/2021 10:22

Re-reading this thread, it’s almost like TV and CBeebies had never been invented! It doesn’t do them any harm at all to watch TV for half an hour here and there. Lifesaver! Mine are now 28, 26 and 18 and it genuinely didn’t affect them developmentally or emotionally. In fact I think they benefitted from the fact that I wasn’t at my wits end all the time. Hats off to anyone who manages without it!

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