Massively struggling with 18mo sleep - help

[BlueBritish]

Hi all, posted about a month ago regarding my LO sleep but since then not a lot has got better. Last night it took me a full hour to settle her in bed when she is usually a very good little self settler so bedtime was made 8:30 she then woke again at 3am again crying and saying mama, I tried for 1 hr to settle her into her cot but had no luck. I’m literally exhausted so put her in my bed thinking it would be an easy fix for the one night but no it took her 2 hours after that to get back to sleep and then woke for the day at 8am. 2 nights before this DD had stayed out with family because of work commitments (this happens once in a blue moon) when she returned the following evening she went straight to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and slept a full 12 hrs which she hasn’t done in probably about 2 months now. I feel as though I am doing something very wrong with her and I am starting to feel like a failure and I am not good enough for her. DD seems happier and more settled when not with me and it’s breaking my heart.

Well you certainly aren't failing her - if you weren't so exhausted you'd be able to reflect that toddler's sleep goes up and down and very little is our fault. What happened the night she was away? What you've written makes me wonder if she didn't have much sleep whilst away so came back to you really knackered. It's good news really as means she's perfectly capable of getting to sleep if she's feeling like sleeping! What is her nap like? Maybe it's time to cut it shorter so she's a bit more tired by bed time?

You aren’t failing

I would question her nap/s. When my little one doesn’t sleep well during the day we always get night time wake ups.
I would also question if she is cutting a tooth?
Also when my little one is about to get sick a couple nights before she is really unsettled.
I think there is also a sleep regression about 18months too.

I know it’s so hard not to beat yourself up but try to rule out all other possibilities ❤️

Thank you so much for your kind replies and advice @Onlyinstillwaters @TradedAtlanta. So when my DD stayed out the other day she went to sleep for 7pm and slept only until just gone 5am. She then had a nap about 11 for an hour and 20mins. I put her to bed at 6:45pm that night and she was straight asleep and slept until 6:50 that night. Usually she is having around 2-2.5 hrs of nap time so maybe I should look at cutting that down a bit now. Only thing is is that she’s staying out again tonight because of mine and my partners schedules over the festive period. This never ever happens which makes me feel more and more guilty.

Hello!

I have a son slightly younger than your dd and he is the same at the moment. Sometimes sleeps through sometimes wakes and is easy to settle, sometimes a nightmare to settle, often up at 5. I just roll with it! He is my second. With my first I took so much time and energy trying to “fix” her sleep “issues”….. until I realised they just go through phases. There might not be a reason.

My first sleeps better now she’s started school :) sorry that might not be too helpful

Actually come to think of it, the youngest falls asleep and stays asleep much better when he’s had lots of exercise and stimulation as well as a good nap in the daytime (he has 1.5-2 hours at about 12.30/1pm, goes to bed at 7). Can’t really do that every day though I know!