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Original poster

Intimacy after birth

12 replies

glow92 · 30/12/2021 03:56

Currently nearly 8 weeks post-birth (emergency c-section plus further surgery which to be honest, I have recovered from quite well).

Despite my partner being amazing in our new life as parents, the topic of intimacy has started to become an issue. He doesn't seem to understand that some women do not feel ready whether it be physically or mentally after this period of time and despite him not applying pressure... it's making me feel a bit shitty and uncomfortable now.

Has anyone else just not felt ready after the 8 week mark? How did you communicate this?
I want him to understand how much I do still love him and see him in that way, but for whatever reason I just can't get my head round being intimate yet.

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Flickflak · 30/12/2021 12:12

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RedwineforSantaplease · 30/12/2021 12:33

We didn't have sex for about a year after our first baby - traumatic birth, slow recovery, baby that wouldn't sleep, not exactly a recipe for sexy time! We spoke about it but DH never pressured me, never raised it, never made me feel like less of a partner because I didn't want to have sex at that time.

It's your body and you have to wait till you feel ready.

ISeeTheLight · 30/12/2021 12:41

It took us over a year. I had a nasty tear and lots of scarring tissue. Eventually needed to be seen by a gynaecologist for it. Also a baby that never slept. We tried once or twice around 6 and 8 months pp but it was incredibly painful for me. DP never applied any pressure and was very patient.

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soughsigh · 30/12/2021 21:02

We're 3 months in here and just don't have the time! DH indicates that he would like to but doesn't pressure me. Tbh I would have been ready at 4 weeks but non sleeping toddler + newborn isn't a good combo.

AnaBananas · 30/12/2021 21:09

I also had an emergency c-section. I'm pretty sure it was over 3 months when I finally was intimate with DH. You need to take your time and think about your health and recovery. A c-section is a major operation and everyones recovery time is different.

Mc3209 · 30/12/2021 21:10

You need to tell him that, in kind and direct way.

My sex drive has tanked since having birth 14 months ago (c section). We've been doing it maybe once a month since about 3 months post partum, but it's more like maintenance sex iyswim. If anyone has any tips on how to get that mojo back, I will be here listening.

DramaAlpaca · 30/12/2021 21:12

It can take a while, there's no normal or right or wrong. Communication is the key here. Just talk to him.

Are you breastfeeding? The hormones involved can affect your libido for a while after birth.

gamerchick · 30/12/2021 21:13

8 weeks? Just no.

I'm sure you'll get women telling you they were at it a few days afterwards but it's definitely not the norm.

Inthesky42 · 30/12/2021 21:41

Are you breastfeeding? I found that even after Id recovered from my two c sections (one emergency one elective) that I'm never in the mood because of breastfeeding. I think the hormones used to make milk are the same ones that suppress sex drive so that you don't make anymore babies whilst you're still responsible for feeding your current one!!

Pinkstegosaurus · 30/12/2021 21:53

Dd is 4mo by emcs and I barely have my head around intimacy with my husband now! Everyone is different but I just had a very frank conversation where i said that:
A - I’m knackered
B - it’s still early days
C - I’m knackered
D - I’ll let you know

I’d never heard the phrase ‘touched out’ before I joined mumsnet but it’s so accurate, you’re only 8 weeks in and god is it exhausting with the need to be there for your baby, be there for your partner but wondering where just having a bit of peace to yourself just fits in to it all?!

We’ve started trying to make more time for ourselves with just having a cuddle on the sofa at night or brief physical contact throughout the day just to maintain a connection, there will be time for a sex life again but for now just emphasise the little things, your recovery and your new tiny person!

mummabubs · 30/12/2021 21:55

I'm 7 months post DD and still got virtually no sex drive. (Was similar after DS). I do feel sorry for DH as I was also strongly off sex during pregnancy both times due to constant vomiting throughout... But like you I've tried to explain that whilst our DD is permanently attached to my boobs and I'm sleep deprived with a delightful mum tum it's perhaps no surprise that I don't feel like being intimate like that at all.

Original poster
glow92 · 31/12/2021 16:29

Thank you for all your replies, very interesting.
And no regarding breastfeeding, he's been formula fed from birth.

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