At my wits end with 5mo sleep. Please help!

[MintGreenLife]

My LB is 5.5mo. Until he was about 2.5mo myself and my partner had to sleep in shifts taking it in turns to hold him over night while he slept. We got him sleeping in his crib and everything felt so much better. He would sleep around 9hrs a night, waking 2-3 times to feed. Now for four nights in a row he’s started waking every hour and is impossible to put back down. We’re having a 2-3hr screaming battle in the evenings just trying to get him to sleep, and after all that he only sleeps an hour. I’m currently sat awake letting him sleep on me as hubby sleeps after we spent another hour trying to get him to go back down again.

What on earth is going on?! How do I manage this?? I’m sleeping 2-3hrs a night at best and I feel horrendous. Last few nights I’ve coslept with him from 4am ish, but I hate it, plus every time I roll him onto his back (after breastfeeding him laying down on his side) he cries so I have to roll him back onto his side, and the only way ge will stay asleep is hugged into me. I’m terrified he will suffocate if I pull him in too tight in my sleep, or if he rolls onto his front. Please help someone, what’s the solution here and how can I get some sleep?!

@JammyRedRooo oh brilliant! Didn’t know there was a whole forum dedicated to sleep, will try and find it now, thank you xx

@EdithGrantham maybe I’ll have to give in to cosleeping for a while. So I already sleep in the c position and with an arm over him, but it doesn’t seem to be enough at the moment. Like you I feed laying down with him on his side and readjust him onto his back, but at the moment when I roll him onto his back he wakes up and starts fussing, so eventually I give in and sleep with him facing me with a hand behind his back to stop him rolling back. Not sure what else I can do 😂 but it does make me feel really uneasy as not sure how safe it is 😖

Does he nap? He sounds terribly overtired to me - perhaps he was a bit over stimulated by Christmas and all that entails and finds it hard to relax?

The mantra I was told was "The more they sleep, the more they sleep" as in good naps during the day beget good sleep at night. Just don't let them sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch during the day. But be vigilent for the first sign of tiredness (yawning) and try to get them in bed as soon as you notice them tiring.

@coronabeer I did think overstimulated by Christmas to begin with, but now everyone has left ours and he’s still no better, but maybe he will need a few days to settle back down. He doesn’t nap much. Today he’s had 4 x 20 min catnaps 🤦🏻‍♀️ I try so hard to get him to nap. I look out for him yawning and take him into the kitchen to rock (what we’ve always done to get him to sleep) but he fights it and I give up after 20 mins. I took him for an hour and a half walk in the carrier today, which resulted in 20 mins of sleep. He feeds to sleep and stays latched on, and I used to unlatch him and he would stay asleep an hour or so, but now he wakes up 10 mins after unlatching. I’m not sure what more I can do to encourage sleep 😖 he averages 9-10 hours of sleep per 24 hours, which from what I understand that’s not a lot for a baby of his age x

Would it be worth taking him to a quiet, darkened room to try to sleep? When dd2 was very small and woke during the night, I used to wander around the house, trying to get her to sleep. Once I stopped doing that and stayed in one (darkened) room, it really helped.

Maybe a daytime nap in a pram whilst you walk outside? The fresh air might help.

My DD is a cat-napper too, so frustrating, especially when visitors say "Is that it!?" when she wakes up, I have to say "Yeah, I can't force her to sleep longer!" Have you tried a dummy, he may wake up when it falls out but might not be so taxing on you to pop it back in rather than feeding?
Also, really recommend following Lindsey Hookway on Instagram, she has lots of really gentle advice on sleep without having to resort to sleep training (if you wanted to avoid it that is)

@coronabeer we actually discovered recently that he doesn’t like the dark, but that’s pitch black dark. I may try taking him into a dark room in the day to see if it’ll help him nap. I’ve always tried to make sure naps are in daylight with noise, and nighttime sleep is in the dark (with a nightlight) and quiet.

@EdithGrantham so frustrating! Tried a dummy at various stages in hope things might have changed and he will take it, but he never has. I tried last night to see if it would settle him instead of feeding, but no such luck, just makes him angrier if anything 😭 I follow Lindsey Hookway already ☺️ I’ll have a good look through her stuff today and will see if I can come up with anything to try! X

If he's trying to sleep with daylight and noise, he may well be too over-stimulated to settle? Poor naps through the day = overtired = unable to settle later.

Anyway, good luck. Hope you work something out.

OP I remember this feeling so well it's so hard and when I was going through it I felt like such a failure for not being able to get my baby to sleep. Its not your fault at all. My LO was always a terrible sleeper but was doing about 5 hour stretches during the night and then the 4mo sleep regression hit and didn't go away. It got to the point that DD was waking every 50 mins ALL. NIGHT. LONG. I was broken, it was the middle of lockdown and so we decided to do some sleep training because I was so worried about the little sleep DD was getting and was afraid for her development. We did the ferber method and she went from waking every 50 mins one night to the next night only waking once then then being put back in bed and she feel asleep quickly by herself (up until this point we had to rock/bounce/walk her to sleep - feeding didn't even work). Within 3 nights she was sleeping through and has been a gold star sleeper ever since. We've not had any more problems with sleep regressions and DD turned into such a happy baby almost overnight. I know a lot of people are against sleep training but I think it's so important to teach LOs how to sleep. I have friends who's 2yos still wake 3-4 times a night even. Lack of sleep is difficult for everyone and I feel for you. Hope you find a way to get through this x

@Mamabear04 thanks so much for your reply ☺️ That’s where we are at now - waking every 40-60 mins with not a single longer stretch. It came on fast in a way, as he went from sleeping 3-6 hour chunks initially, to 3 hours initially followed by hourly wakeups, and then that initially 3 hours over a few nights got shorter and shorter and now we’re at no more than an hour at a time. I will look at the Ferber method. At what age did you do this? Xx

@MintGreenLife my LO was around 6.5mo when we did the training. I think 6mo is a really good age to do it if you are going to try it. Sleep training is something I never ever wanted to do but I am so glad that I did. The ferber method is good because you leave them for a few minutes at a time and then go back and comfort them (don't pick them up if you do it!) and then the time inbetween slowly gets longer. It is hard to do. It's horrible to hear your LO cry but tbh we were at the point that I would be out walking with my DD/rocking her etc and she would be crying in my face anyway for hours on end and she just wouldn't go to sleep. So in my mind I was thinking that she's going to cry whether I'm there or not. I would say if you do do it then stick to the timings and be strong so that it works and its not in vein. Sleep is so important for your LO and also for you to be able to give your energy and also for your mental health. Like I said sleep training is something I never wanted to do but it was one of the best things I could have done for my DD. I'm pregnant and even if DC2 is a good sleeper I'll still sleep train them - I've heard so many stories of LOs being good sleepers and then they hit 7mo or 11mo and then there sleep has gone to shit and never got better. Plus there are always times when you will have to let your child cry for their own good - when they don't want to leave the park, when they want another biscuit and aren't allowed, when you won't let them put a plastic bag over their head, because they have to go I the car etc. It's just how you look at it and what you think is important. This is just my experience though. Hope that helps and wasn't too preachy x

Ps another positive about sleep training is that you are teaching your child that you will always come back and will never leave them x

@Mamabear04

How does that even make sense?

Its literally the opposite, that you will hear them cry and NOT come back until an alloted time has passed. It's the opposite of teaching them you'll never leave them, its conditioning them not to bother crying for you.

I mean it is teaching them you will always come back and it's also teaching them to go to sleep which is the most important thing. Babies cry like that because they are exhausted and it's not about comfort when they are waking so often during the night. In my opinion it's cruel to let them be so sleep deprived for so long. My DD always knows I'll comfort her if she's upset and she always comes to me when she's upset or needs comfort - sleep training never stopped her from thinking I won't come if she needs me during the night. Teaching them to go to sleep is such an important life skill. I also recognise that a lot of people don't want to do it and that's OK but I'm also just telling OP that it's also OK to sleep train and from my personal experience it was a good thing for my child.

I agree with @Mamabear04 eve the sleep training. OP we went through the same as you, I could have written your post myself. We tried everything we could think of over months but nothing worked. In the end, sleep training was the right thing for us all, and LO is a much happier, contented baby.

The other things that helped us:
Getting rid of dummy and white noise
Sleeping in own room
Weaning

I know sleep training is contentious, and some people disagree with it. There are many different methods and for me I did pick up baby when I returned to them - that was my choice.
But in my experience those who have poor sleepers and don't sleep train continue to have poor sleepers for years to come.

@jemimafuddleduck @Moonbabysmum @Mamabear04 thanks so much for all sharing your experiences, it’s good to get a range of advice ☺️ For now we are just muddling through, but I think I’ll reassess if this is still going on in a few weeks time. We’ve worked out a bit of a routine so that I can get a bit more sleep as well as cosleeping. I’m considering a floor bed arrangement, which won’t stop the hourly wakeups, but at least I might be able to get comfortable in between feeds if I can roll away without disturbing him 🤞🏼

@jemimafuddleduck in my experience of one great sleeper one not so great… my not so great sleeper sleeps fine now at age 2. Not done sleep training just let him co sleep but keep a good bedtime and nap routine.
No judgement to anyone as no one size fits all, but babies like to sleep with their parents for survival. Now my first born is older he knows bed is safe, knows me and dad aren’t far away and knows we will come to him if he really wants us. And without tears. Not saying my way is better at all just that not all babies with rubbish sleep stay that way without sleep training.

@Mummywantsaweewee yes but did it take 2 years?! Sleeping becomes better a lot quicker with sleep training. And sleep training doesn't need to be CIO, it can be very gentle.

@jemimafuddleduck you said “ But in my experience those who have poor sleepers and don't sleep train continue to have poor sleepers for years to come.”

I was just saying that I’ve not sleep trained but my poor sleeper is now a good sleeper. No it didn’t take two years, honestly I wasn’t counting, probably around his first birthday as he became more understanding and we always kept the same bedtime routine so he got used to it.