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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler is so shy - struggling

10 replies

treetops88 · 27/12/2021 09:37

My toddler is 20 months old. Since about 8 months she’s been very shy around anyone except DH and I - getting upset when anyone tries to interact with her or touch her. I was hoping she would grow out of it but at 20 months she seems to be struggling more than ever. If anyone so much as looks at her she puts her head down and looks very uncomfortable, like she wants the ground to swallow her up.

We currently have DH’s parents staying with us for Christmas and she won’t even give them a high five or hand them any toys (things she used to do, albeit reluctantly). It’s breaking my heart as they adore her and are desperate for a cuddle or even just some sort of interaction on any level!

We do get out to numerous groups and classes and she’s happy to play on her own, but gets upset when other kids try to interact. Everyone else’s toddlers seem so sociable and keen to play.

I’m really unsure what to do and how to help her - does anyone know?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

springseason22 · 27/12/2021 10:34

She's 20 months. She's still very,very young.

The best thing to do is be there as reassurance whilst not making it a big deal.

They pick up on our stresses more than you think.

When grandparents are there - you get down on the floor and play a game and get them to then join but stay with her.

They go through stages. My DD at 2 would just cling to my legs at playgroup. Now she's playing happily with other children whilst coming back for a hug.

Children thrive when they know that you always have their back.

Good luck and enjoy her....she will be off with her mates at 14 and you'll miss it...

LuchiMangsho · 27/12/2021 10:38

I had a shy child. He’s a shy nearly 10 year old. That’s fine. Accept her for who she is. I had some rules- you have to say hello, goodbye, please and thank you. And answer any questions. Other than that, no forced interaction. And because he knew he would never be forced into interactions he didn’t want, he was always safe at home, he gradually came out of his shell. He’s never going to be the life and soul of the party, but he has friends and when you get him on to one of his favourite topics he can blather on endlessly about it, even to people he’s just met.

thatsallineed · 27/12/2021 10:47

My dd was like that with relatives when we met them - because they knew and loved her, they wanted a cuddle, to talk, to play with her.

Trouble was, because she didn't see them every day, she didn't know them from Adam, and from her point of view they were strangers invading her space and scaring her.

She did get over it eventually (no thanks to SIL for saying 'Ooh she's shy isn't she?!' to her face several times when she was three or four).

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

Original poster

treetops88 · 27/12/2021 12:55

Thanks everyone. At 20 months should she be past the separation anxiety phase by now?

OP posts:

ProfInkly · 27/12/2021 12:59

My DD is 5 and her grandma commented on her last visit that it's the first time she's ever been able to sit next to her and have a chat. Over the last year she has really come out of her shell and grown in confidence around people she doesn't see every day. I was a shy child and know what she is feeling and just accept it, but I've definitely noticed that some people like to make a big deal of it which makes it a million times worse.

SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 13:01

Just don't force her. She's not a doll for entertainment she'll open up when she's ready.

MintJulia · 27/12/2021 13:08

Agree with spiderfluff There's no rush.

I used to take my ds, who was very shy, into situations where there were other people around, although not people who expected him to interact - on a bus or a train, in a cafe. If people wanted to chat to me, that was fine. He got used to general social stuff without any pressure.

Mmr224 · 27/12/2021 13:09

Is she also a lockdown baby? My little girl was born in May last year and is fine with close family bit shy with anyone else til she gets to know them. The baby groups etc where we Rw only opened again a couple of months ago and she's not been well so we've not managed to go to any yet. The hospital and health visitor have both said they have noticed a big difference in recent babies and that they are much shyer.

Metallicalover · 27/12/2021 13:25

My daughters the same, this might be her nature. I was a quiet and shy child! As I've got older ive been more confident but im not an outgoing person.
There's nothing wrong with that. She's just a baby, she knows who she knows and who she's secure with.

EllieSattler · 27/12/2021 13:30

My DD used to be like that. It drove my family up the wall until she was about 2 and a half because all she wanted was mummy mummy mummy. My DM just wanted a hug and took the refusal rather personally but I never forced it.

Fast forward to now, you wouldn't believe its the same child. DD absolutely brims with confidence at 7. Speaking roles in play, will go into a shop, select an item and pay unassisted, volunteers answers in school, got selected to help some new children struggling to settle in.

Your child might be a reserved person their whole life and that's ok, but she's still just a baby. Give her loads of time and patience. Yes, gentle encouragement to try new things but not forcing her.

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