Tips for getting a stubborn 4yo to learn to dress themselves?

[CrumpledCrumpet]

Reception aged DS is incredibly stubborn about learning to dress himself. We’ve really made very little progress. In terms of his motor skills he is perfectly capable but he is absolutely stubborn and has adopted a ‘can’t do’ attitude to it.

Every time I try he ends up shouting “I can’t do it, it’s too hard!” and getting in a complete huff about it and we get nowhere. The more I encourage him the worse it is.

I’ve kept deferring but they’re starting getting changed for PE in the new year so we need to nail this.

Any tips? Either practical ones for making getting dressed easily or how to conquer his stubborn streak?

What does he wear to school? Is it proper shirts with buttons or a polo shirt? Also does he have pull on trousers? Make all clothing pull on or pull over if possible.

Make it a game /competition with a small prize (a chocolate button or something). Maybe a reward chart?

Also he must get dressed before coming downstairs for breakfast. It helps motivate if they are hungry!

Get a timer and make it a game use easy clothes to start with and just tackle one thing at a time so say to him see how fast you can get your t-shirt on don't rush in to help him acknowledge it's "too hard" .

I’ve tried ‘beat the clock’ etc before and he just won’t engage. I feel like the more I push it the more he digs his heels in.

He’s very much a child that responds to ‘intrinsic motivation’ - if he sees the value of a task he’ll do it, no problem, otherwise he is as stubborn as a mule.

Ok then perhaps he might see the value of it if he’s not allowed downstairs for breakfast until he’s dressed.

Definitely try to make getting dressed a motivation for something else I know its hard but stick with it,

Just dress him at home. He likely will be ok at school but they will help him if not. He's only 4!

Do it in front of the TV. If he is getting dressed then TV stays on. If he stops, remind him to keep going or you'll need to switch the telly off as its "distracting him". Follow through with this.

Almost like his getting dressed is what is powering the TV to stay on.

I think if he's perfectly capable of doing the majority of dressing then when it comes to it at school he'll just get in with it just like his classmates and probably with the minimum of fuss.

@Adelino

Do it in front of the TV. If he is getting dressed then TV stays on. If he stops, remind him to keep going or you'll need to switch the telly off as its "distracting him". Follow through with this.

Almost like his getting dressed is what is powering the TV to stay on.

I doubt he’s going to concentrate on getting dressed if he’s watching a screen. In my experience screens slow kids down.

He can’t really do it at the moment, as he won’t practice, but there’s no real reason he can’t do it - he’s dexterous enough.

And I agree, he’ll be far too distracted by TV. But motivation of breakfast might do the trick, worth a try…

No tips but selfishly glad to hear we are not the only ones in this boat

I'd just keep helping him. He'll soon do it when he sees all the other kids doing it at school. If not the teachers will help. He's only 4.

Have you heard about the concept of backwards chaining? Might help with the frustration leading to stubborness

www.leicspart.nhs.uk › ...PDF
Dressing skills: backwards chaining

I looked after a child with similar issues and found that all the attention and coaxing and persuading and making it into a game, made things much worse. I knew he was capable of dressing himself so I would lay out the clothes and leave him to to it, explain that if he got himself dressed quickly he would have some time to play before school, then I would go off and do something else. Taking off the pressure really helped.

Stop trying to push, it sounds like he's pushing back against the perceived pressure.

I've found what helps in that situation is to show confidence in them even if I don't feel it so I use a stock phrase. "I know you'll (dress yourself) when you're ready." Because he will. He won't be 11 and stand naked waiting for you to put his pants on. So try to remember that when you say it and he'll know that it's true too.

Are the clothes that you want him to put on him uncomfortable? Is he much more interested in changing from itchy clothes to comfortable clothes than vice versa?

I just dress mine. He somehow manages to change himself after before school clubs twice a week including a shirt and a tie but would take ages at home.

I bet being able to be the same as his friends will be enough motivation for him...... Also maybe buy the PE kit a little bigger so it's easier to get on?

If the breakfast bribe doesn't work I'd take him to school in his pjs with his uniform in a carrier bag.

It's surprising how many are suddenly keen to cooperate when the alternative is their friends seeing them in PJs.