Anyone else's DH struggle with being a dad?

[BiscuitLover3678]

Nc. I think he's a great Dad btw. He's incredibly kind and sensitive and is always concerned about DC (aged 2). But he gets so stressed out with the tantrums (as in finds the noise overwhelming and needs time out). He also worries so much whenever DC is upset and he runs to him overly concerned and can't seem to relax about anything. He's got a lot better but he works long hours so most of the time he is not with DC. He often takes him in the morning though and they have fun together then.

With the sleep, it's always me who puts DC to bed and does the feeding and sleeping. As he does the mornings and heaps of other stuff (he also does majority around the house) I don't really mind, but it's like he thinks he can't cope with ever doing bedtime. And I do think it's probably not a good thing to have such set roles that way. We haven't done sleeptraining as both have very mixed views on it and have witnessed where its gone wrong which has really put us off. Even if we do it I'm not sure either of us could cope with the guilt and neither of us have the energy for all the nights of stress.

He just seems to find it all so hard. Harder than he needs to tbh.

Anyone else have a dh like this?

No name change oops!

He does have mild depression which he has treatment for so I wonder if it's this.

Also he only does majority house work because I take dc more! On days where he takes him more I do more house stuff.

Yes. Poor him found it so hard to adapt. Oh such a shame for him struggling with parenting. Then i threw him out.

(Before anyone thinks I'm overworking him!)

@coodawoodashooda

Yes. Poor him found it so hard to adapt. Oh such a shame for him struggling with parenting. Then i threw him out.

Ouch! Was he that bad?

I dont want to throw him out 🤣 I just wonder why he finds it so hard.

I do think most people expect something completely different when they become parents. My DH can't take the tantrums and just gives in but has now learnt over time that it's not how it works as we're a team. Be kind but firm.

They cannot have everything and you need to set rules and boundaries. It's ok to your son to feel all his feelings, when he's upset, let him be. We live in a world where we are not allowed to be angry or cry. Have you ever noticed that if you cry in front of someone, they want you to stop even though it might feel good to let it all out. It makes them feel uncomfortable. Let him feel what he feels, it's ok.

Be kind but firm, your husband needs to understand this. If your son wants something he cannot have, explain it and tell him that he / you understand that he's annoyed and frustrated, offer an alternative or two, be there to make sure he's safe and then let him rage if he needs to.

What is your bedtime routine like and why does he find it so hard and can't imagine doing it? What happens if you want to go out? Are you now to be home at 7pm every day because your husband cannot put your child to sleep?

We have two - a 7 months old a 2 year old which makes things even harder and I need the help from my husband at times. If he's not here, I manage, if I'm not there, he manages.

@coodawoodashooda

Yes. Poor him found it so hard to adapt. Oh such a shame for him struggling with parenting. Then i threw him out.

Much, much worse.

Yip. ExDH thought it would all be family cuddles and long lies and funny stories about explosive nappies. It wasn't. And he couldn't cope. And 10 years on he still struggles. Sometimes I wonder if we had got through the first couple of years, would we have been together. But she's 10 and he's still fairly shjt.

DP found the baby stage really hard because he was genuinely terrified that he would hurt her or make her cry. As she’s got older he’s much more confident, though he still crumbles when he’s had to be firm with her and she cries (she’s just 3; she cries the moment she doesn’t get her one way). They’re best buddies and he loves her so much, he just wants to protect her and keep her happy all the time.

He was hoping to feel more confident second time round, but DD2 has had weight gain issues and literally won’t eat for anyone else other than me, despite being bottle fed. DP managed not to take the screaming personally!

Ex partner did yes

@Timeturnerplease

DP found the baby stage really hard because he was genuinely terrified that he would hurt her or make her cry. As she’s got older he’s much more confident, though he still crumbles when he’s had to be firm with her and she cries (she’s just 3; she cries the moment she doesn’t get her one way). They’re best buddies and he loves her so much, he just wants to protect her and keep her happy all the time.

He was hoping to feel more confident second time round, but DD2 has had weight gain issues and literally won’t eat for anyone else other than me, despite being bottle fed. DP managed not to take the screaming personally!

This sounds like my DH. He's definitely more of an anxious parent than I am

Yep, that’s it - it’s anxiety. Perhaps because DP is older than me, or because he’s more cautious naturally. Whereas I’m a primary teacher so am used to strops/managing behaviour/children swinging upside down from play equipment.

Here’s hoping these men will calm down before they give themselves a heart attack.

I was like this. It’s anxiety that drives it.