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Parenting

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Original poster

Is it just me (bet it is) or does anyone else really quite dislike their baby?

13 replies

KITTYmaspudding · 20/12/2007 14:57

Ok, quick one before school run. My 6th baby was born at the beginning of April( now 8 months) and he has basically been a miserable sod ever since.
Firstly I thought
"It will improve at three months' then
"it will improve when he can sit" then
"it will improve when he can crawl"

He is a tad better than at three months but he cries most of the time when he is with ME ( he plays fantastically with the other children and any other adults).
All he wants to do is be carried, always only in one position , he hates me sitting down with him, if I do he screams and paws at me for boob.

Ok, I know with my experience that this behaviour WILL stop; at some point.

What I wanted to say was that I don't like my baby .

I know haven't got pnd, I just have such a shit time with him.

Am I the only one?
I feel guilty and sad about it

Thanks for reading

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Zealot · 20/12/2007 15:01

sixth baby?! you must be knackered!

i only have one and find her a right pest sometimes... bliss to get a wee time away. do you have that option at all?

cheeryface · 20/12/2007 15:16

poor you. i know how you feel.
i was like that with my first little boy. i loved him obviously but i didn't like him. he cried almost all the time.
i had to walk about with him to shut him up and he was way over sensitive. instead of thinking poor baby is scared i thought god, what a bloody wimpy sodding baby!!

he didn't sleep through the night until he was gone 2 and when he was up in the night he was whinging and crying about apparently nothing.

eventually he improved and now at the age of 12 he's an absolute gem. much better behaved and easier to manage than his brother.

i look back with sadness because i always wonder if it was my fault. i was young and very nervous when i had ds1.

sorry i don't know how to advise but just wanted you to know your'e not alone and i'm sure you will develop a fantastic relationship over time as i did.

micegg · 20/12/2007 15:18

Dont feel guilty. I think its normal to feel this way sometimes. The only thing I would say is that I doubt he really is unhappy with you personally rather than someone else. Its just that you are the provider of the food, care, warmth etc rather than the source of fun (although I am sure you are sometimes!). I only have 1 at the moment. She was born about this time 2 years ago. The weather was much like it is now but seemed to go one forever. I remember almost feeling angry with her as I felt so trapped. I couldnt go out or even do stuff around the house just because of the demands. Given you have 6 kids I am probably not suggesting anything enlightening but have you thought about a baby sling. Having seen some stuff on here about them I would liek to get one for my next child. They sound really good for, how shall we say this, the more demanding child. My adorable DD aged 2 wnats to be carried everywhere so I want to get one for her as well. They look quite good.

The other thing and I appreciate this must be difficult and may depend on the age of your other kids, but have you thought about trying to incorporate some time out for your self. Whether it be someone looking after the some if not all of the kids or doing something away from the home.

Lastly someone here mentioned something about a book I think was by Sears (?sp) about more demanding children. May not seem necessary given your experience with children but if he is more demanding than the others it may help. I thin it has lots of tips and advice on how to deal with babies who demand quite a bit of attention. I was lucky with DD but will keep it in mind if I dont get so lucky this time.

Hope you feel better soon. Have a good christmas

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camillathechicken · 20/12/2007 15:20

i think you love your baby but you don;t like how he is right now.... 6 kids, kitty, you need to give yourself a break.... i imagine your patience and temper is worn at times ... my friend has had 3 very demanding babies, who pretty much cry from birth until the age of 1, one they start walking, whihc htey have all done pretty early, they chill out !can you stick him in a sling or something so you can walk around with him and feed whilst you go if neccesary?

sorry you are feeling

Pitchounette · 20/12/2007 16:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

KITTYmaspudding · 20/12/2007 16:27

Thankyou everyone for your sympathy and ideas.
I need to offload.
I have various slings but he hates them and screams blue murder when in them

I've just spoken to my HV who is very kind and supportive,

She said he needs to get out of the habit of sucking for comfort constantly. I said I would feel guilty if he came to me wanting boob and I didn't give it.

She said that he also needs other stuff, e.g being able to play and to interact with me
and to be able to take in more solids ( he doesn't take much) so I should feel that I was doing the RIGHT thing by him in trying to space out his feeds and breaking his whiny comfort suck habit.
I'm going to try this over the holidays when there are other adults around to distract him.

I know something's got to give.
He's my last and I really want to be able to enjoy rather than resent him

It's funny though, I realise that even though I have alot of experience bringing up children that each one is so different, just when you think you've got it sussed you find you haven't!!
I'll check out the Sears' book

OP posts:

threestars · 20/12/2007 22:22

I remember I got really upset with my DS at that age, as I felt my boobs just got in the way of us having a normal relationship. It felt as if I even silently checked on him sleeping, he'd smell the milk and wake up and want the boob.

I can't offer you any advice, as you have plenty more experience than me. BUT your post reminded me of a tv programme I watched recently about pnd, and even tho you don't have it, one thing the woman did that may help is that she was really made aware of her facial expressions with her baby. She was tired and fed up and upset, and the baby saw that in her face and got upset herself. The mother then tried to make a real effort to smile and make lots of eye contact and eventually the baby chilled out alot more and started smiling herself.
Mind you, if your baby is only looking at your boobs...!

Martha200 · 21/12/2007 11:01

Just to add on what threestars said. I remember the times my first gave me a hard time (well he was being a baby, so not deliberately giving me a hard time, but sure felt like it!) and my DH without fail always used to see some connection between me and the baby almost winding each other up. I'd be tired, miserablish, etc and baby would sense it. DH had an expression on how ds had 'broken his mummy', take some time to look after him whilst I had a bath or few moments to have a cup of tea and come back in, with a more upbeat approach, and things did appear to improve.
Is that possible for you, must be pretty hard with 6 children to factor in some Me time, but remember he is not doing it as a personal attack on you, important!!
Glad to hear the HV is suuportive

Original poster

KITTYmaspudding · 21/12/2007 12:41

Thanks threestars and martha

I have been reading up on 'sensitive babies' on the Dr Sears' website and it fits ds3 perfectly!!!!!
I am very tired and got a cold etc. The kids are all tired and demanding. It will get better!!
Thanks for letting me moan

OP posts:

Broodymomma · 21/12/2007 20:43

Oh I can so relate to this, for the first ten weeks of his life my son screamed his head off every moment he was awake unless he was attached to a boob or bottle. I had 3 ivf's to have him and had an illusion that all would be perfect now i finally had my long awaited baby - nobody tells you how you can look at them and just think "wtf is going to please you"?? I got to the point where i thought he just hated me. I dreaded him waking up as i just did not know how to make him happy. I ended up taking him to a cranial osteopath who did some work on him and at about ten weeks he turned into a different child. He is a delight now but still a stroppy wee man when he wants to be. I hope it gets better for you soon as i know how much it can get to you. Keep your chin up xxxx

threestars · 21/12/2007 23:10

Yes, it WILL get better. There's always light at the end of tunnel.
x.

Original poster

KITTYmaspudding · 21/12/2007 23:59

threestars, I tried your idea of being aware of my facial expressions with him.
I chose a time when he was happy and relaxed (rare moment indeed) and made sure I was smiling when he looked at me and talking in a gentle happy manner. I also played chase games with him, gave him positive attention when he wasn't asking for any. It was lovely and he responded well.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and advice..
I guess it;s easy to get into a rut and not know it.

OP posts:

madamez · 22/12/2007 00:07

At least an hour a week. That's what you need and must negotiate with the rest of your family. That hour is for you to do stuff that purely benefits you, no feeding, caring, wiping up or listening to anyone else. YOu will feel much more positive towards your baby if you can have a break and remind yourself that you are a person not just a feeding and bumwiping machine.

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