Eating Challenges / Decreasing Options / Getting Worse

[blackpooldad1982]

Hi all, posting here to see if anyone has any ideas / suggestions / experience.

Single parent , co parenting my 9 year old.

For past 5 years he has been a challenging eater, and I am starting to think this isn't your normal fussy eater, its something deeper routed.

His diet is limited to bread, cheese, pizza (no tomatoes just cheese on base) chicken nuggets, McDonald plain cheese burger (ever few weeks if he fancies it), crackers (and sweet things - which there is no issue with!).

We have tried various tactics , previously when with ex partner sitting down with family meals, having bowls of food he can help himself to, no forcing to try new foods, reduction of treats / snacks, speaking to him to try and understand what he doesn't like, putting food on his plate that he hasn't tried but no pressure to eat.

I watch him eat sometimes (covertly!) and he examines every item of food, picks 'crispy or hard bits off' and doesn't enjoy eating non sweet food. I could do him bread and butter and if the bread has breadcrumbs on he picks them off , every meal we end up with a plate of scraps has picked off his meal. This is same behaviour at mums house also. He also takes about 60 mins to eat meal

I find it weird, with sweet stuff there is no examination or picking, however every meal is a challenge and I haven't managed to make any progress with it hence reason for post. His diet has become more restrictive over time, and the food he is willing to eat has also decreased over time.

Apart from feeling like a dreadful parent, the challenges with him staying at friends house and the 1 restaurant we can go out to eat at (Pizza Express cheese pizza with no tomatoes or herbs, just base and cheese) I am getting concerned his diet will impact his health and have noticed it getting worse not better over time.

I am making progress with him speaking about it, we talk about how he feels with food (eat it cause I have to) and why he picks the bits (black bits, hard bits, crispy bits) and what he thinks will happen if he eats them (nothing, just don't like them). I try and make food with him there helping, so he sees what goes into it, but I am just making zero progress overall and worried if his diet restricts any more we will be down to bread!

Any help / guidance / ideas welcome

Thanks for reading

Gosh that is a bit extreme. Did anything happen 5 years ago when this started? 4 is quite old for fussy eating to start usually?

How is he growing? Is he following his height and weight centiles?

Hard to remember 5 years ago, but I don't recall any big event or situation , and rather than big bang its gradually getting worse , rather than suddenly changed. I wasn't clear on that in original message, hes been fussy since birth (even with milk) but getting worse and worse.

He is very small for his age, smallest in year by a good distance, he does however have medical condition that means he will be small, and mum is also tiny, along with mums dad. But suspect eating isn't helping matters.

Also he's very active, loads energy, plays footballer few times a week, top of class at school, so he's not gaunt or low energy due to diet.

Yep is very extreme and way past just being fussy, its a complex / issue now that he needs support with.

Feel at stage where I want professional help with someone looking at it with fresh pair of eyes.

If he's always been fussy, even with milk, have allergies been ruled out? Many allergic children will limit the food they take just down to their "safe foods".

Is he getting a daily vitamin and mineral tablet?

To be honest though I'd get him checked by the GP and at least ask for a referral to a Paediatric Dietician.

This might be way off but is there any possibility he could have OCD? I’ve had OCD since being very young and I find eating because of it extremely challenging as even safe food to me and my brain can seem ‘contaminated’ - it’s very hard to talk about and I’ve often used excuses in the past (and still now) to explain why I won’t eat food. For example I was a vegetarian for years because I deemed meat ‘unsafe’, not for any other reason than that. But I usually said otherwise when asked so I didn’t seem ‘weird’

I don’t know if that’s a helpful input or not but maybe just a different perspective if his eating behaviour seems puzzling.

Is there any specifics to the sweet foods he’ll eat, for example, are they individually wrapped? This is a big thing for me which is why I ask.

Google ARFID. He sounds similar to my DD. Although hers is due to sensory issues with food/fear of choking but she’s always been very restrictive with when/where/what she eats.
ARFID is quite common in children with ASD but can also effect children who are NT.
If you wanted support there’s a brilliant group on Facebook which I’ve found hugely supportive and knowledgeable to help with my DD.

DS is the same & it's a challenge. No advice. There is an ARFID FB page but nobody on there ever seems to have any actual success stories.

He presents as really normal in every other way & so I don't think he's ASD. It's difficult to do things socially due to his diet.

The foods you listed seem to feature in many ARFID diets

I second the OCD idea. My daughter got increasingly picky with food due to OCD.

It’s worth a referral to your local CAMHS team who will assess and most likely send to the local eating disorder service- they’ve received funding to develop pathways to support children with ARFID. It’s definitely a multidisciplinary team needed i.e. not just the role for Eating Disorders teams but the oversight should sit with them. Also worth contacting South London and Maudsley who are specialists in this area at the moment. It’s an increasing challenge and can be difficult to access the help you might need at the moment but have faith that it is a priority for the NHS and you won’t be left on your own with this.

Thanks for all replies, all interesting.

I have took him to the GP a number of times , they check him over, and issue generic picky eating tips (try new food on plate, give him treats if he tries something new) They have very limited understanding I feel of this area, however I will get a 3rd opinion using my private cover at work as its been 2 years since I last visit, and deffo worth a shout as I know more now.

Did some research an ARFID previously and other then below below, I didn't identify his heavaviour with it. The textures is a big one for me as I feel he picks bits / only eats certain food due to texture, he also can't be near certain food related strong smells, so sensory again.

1.Will only eat certain textures of food

1. Lack of interest in food

OCD points interest me, his behavior is obsessive and I see elements of this when he has bits on his hands/ blood from cuts / and food. I will look into this more....

Feel for all parents who struggle with this, drives me bonkers people saying just make him eat it , without any real understanding. Same with GPS, find it very general and unhelpful a lot of time .

I will keep going, determined to help him enjoy food, and work with him to make it easier. Heartbreaking seeing him forcing himself to est, plates piled high with bits and him examimg every item! But hes speaking to me about it now, rather than getting upset, will keep going, need to be concious I also don't obsess over it as imagine that will make it worse .

Thanks again!!!

@Fuscialuscia

It’s worth a referral to your local CAMHS team who will assess and most likely send to the local eating disorder service- they’ve received funding to develop pathways to support children with ARFID. It’s definitely a multidisciplinary team needed i.e. not just the role for Eating Disorders teams but the oversight should sit with them. Also worth contacting South London and Maudsley who are specialists in this area at the moment. It’s an increasing challenge and can be difficult to access the help you might need at the moment but have faith that it is a priority for the NHS and you won’t be left on your own with this.

That's interesting, I will refer via CAMHS, worry about him speaking to others , but feel need to get out of comfort zone now, with limited progress over past few years and with trend worsening.

Nice to hear NHS have channels in place.

If I continue to get stuck, I will see if I can contact South London and Maudsley.

I'm amazed people have had success with CAMHS actually. They were hopeless for us and rejected our referral.

Good luck OP anyhow. I hope you get to the bottom of it.

When you say he's obsessive in other ways, what kind of thing?

I hope I have better luck with them, will try anyway and update here.

Maybe obsessive is wrong word, but bits on his hand drive him mad, tiny bit of blood from a cut, any loose skin near nails,almost like certain things have to be perfect.

Weird as he can play footy, get covered in mud and no issues.

Also very particular with clothes, football kit or school uniform, maybe tracksuit if lucky, any other clothes he gets worked up, refuse to wear.

Sounds like some sensory stuff around clothes as well then and not just food.

I'd keep an eye on it.

OCD and sensory problems can overlap. Sometimes the texture is 'not right', things have to be 'just right'.

It can be particular to specific things as well, not universal to everything.

I'm going through a similar thing with my five year old
We seem to lose a safe food every few months and are down to bread, cheese, cereal, fruit and of course everything sweet.

Its tough, will update post here in new year with what I do next and hopefully some tactics to manage it.

I his pizza base with cheese sorted for Christmas! Gonna relax now and come back on new year with renewed focus to sort.

Have a great break all