Parenting...it's a guilty business

[TinselGrrrlWith2Boys]

I'm stopping breastfeeding today- DS2 is almost 8wks, and although i breastfed his brother for 6mths without problem, it's been v. hard this time.

DS2 simply would not open his mouth properly to feed. I tried for 10days, until i was sobbing in agony and DS2 brought up blood, from my nipples. My helpful midwife kept telling me my nipples just needed to 'toughen up' to the point i thought i'd hit her.

In the end, by day 10 i got the breastpump out and expressed to bottles. I had to wash and sterilise it 4 times a day, and DS2 started having formula aswell. I kept coaxing him to boob too- giving 2/3 breastfeeds a day.

Now he's not interested in boob anymore- it doesn't satisfy him, and he still doesn't totally latch on right. So, i'm hanging up the nursing bras and breast pads...and i feel DREADFUL.

Why?! I feel like i'm letting him down, and i don't even want to tell the HV i've stopped.

Silly i know.

Do you feel guilty about a parenting choice you've made? Do people try and make you feel guilty about feeding / TV watching / etc etc?

in the early months of ds1 i often thought that no one had prepared me for the constant stream of 'dilemmas' and the guilt trips i put myself on over the smallest issues.

sorry you've had a hard time. time for you to push the guilt away and start enjoying your gorgeous baby.

oooh i felt awful when i could not bf ds2 at all i had a bladder infection and had to take anti biotics, i was in agoney. I cried for days because i could not give my ds2 the best possible start. Sorry not very helpful

agree with ja9ladiesdancing, enjoy your baby and enjoy your christmas together

I think you are making yourself feel guilty & putting pressure on yourself. Don't worry about the HV or anybody else for that matter.

Pls don't feel you are letting DS2 down.

• I feel guilty about all & sundry by the way. too much telly, do I spend enough time with each of them, am I feeding them well enough, why do I dump them in nursery, why do I not enjoy my time with them more, etc. etc. etc. etc.

we are programmed to feel guilty.

But why do you feel guilty?
Because you care.
And the fact that you care, that in itself,
makes you a wonderful Mum who is doing her sons proud.

We can only try our best, Tinsel. Which you clearly did.

And I promise you, your kids will love you for
the fact that you care and that you try your hardest.

Have yourself a good Christmas with your amazing lads

Do you want to stop? If you want to stop, don't make yourself feel guilty, though I know it's not as easy as that.

If you don't want to stop then have you posted on the breastfeeding board? I'm sure you could get some help if you wanted to carry on.

The most important thing is that you don't do something that you don't want to do.

But I know where you're coming from, my DS is 8 weeks too and I feel some sort of guilt every time I look at him. I want to give him the world but fear I can't.

DaddyJoseph- that made me cry! (Must be hormones!)

Aw, Tinsel..
I hope you are getting lots and lots of RL support,
you deserve it.

No more guilt - take pride and stand tall!

I totally sympathise. DD would never latch on. I had every midwife and breast feeding counsellor in SW London try their luck and she wasnt having a bar of it. It was so distressing as I felt a mix of guilt for not doing what I had been told was best and sorrow because I felt DD was rejecting me. SO hard to explain but made much sense in my hormonal blur. I expressed liek you but nearly exhausted myself in the process. Having never so much as picked up a baby I was overwhelmed with the task of expressing, sterilising and feeding and then doing it all again an hour later! It was only when a lovely MW told me she had 5 kids and had exactly the same thing with her 4th. Her exact words were "Your baby has chosen not to breast feed". I stopped at about 6 weeks. DD is now 2 and she is fine. Certainly no ill effects from not breast feeding! I am pregnant again and plan to breast feed but will have to see how it goes as I know from experience that its not a given. Funnily enough I was talking to a friends today who is in the same situation as you. Her DS2 just will not feed. Shes found it so hard because she fed DS1 without a problem. But it does show that its just the way it is with some babies. She had been fine before but not this time.

Lovely message from daddy Joseph. I totally agree.

You will always have someone judging you on your parenting. Its your intentions that are more important. You obviusly love DS and thats way more important than breast milk!

Now I am going to before I start sobbing. Iam 25 weeks pregnant and very hormonal.

BF is important but you certianly haven't let your DS down by packing it in. Hundreds of thousands of babies have been brought on formula just fine, they certianly won't remember when they're older. What they will remember is a sad, upset, guilt ridden grouchy mum so cast off the guilt and enjoy your wonderful son while he's still small

You did it for two months, which is a fantastic start for your baby. Pat yourself on the back for being such a good mother.

You have already given him a fantastic start! He'll be really well-adjusted as well as different people will be able to feed him and you will (hopefully) get a little bit more time for yourself: Happier/well-rested Mums are better Mums. Take care! xx

thanks guys.

micegg- i think i DO feel it's partly a rejection of me, and that's part of it.

anyway...he is a healthy lump of a boy, so i must have done something right!

will try and stop feeling so bad.