Help and tips needed

[sadmum52]

My DS has just announced he and his GF of three years are having a baby . We are all thrilled . My relationship with my son was a little strained at one time but I’ve been working on forging a healthy adult relationship and it’s working and we are getting on much better . Now with a baby on the way I don’t want to strain the relationship with mistakes I could make in my excitement. I get on with his GF and again we are building a relationship. This could do with some work but I’m really trying . So I’m hoping when baby comes she knows I’m there to help and advice when solicited. What I’m looking for are tips and advise on how to walk the tightrope so I don’t overstep my boundaries and I don’t become overbearing. She is very close to her family so I know the baby will spend a lot of time there . I’m hoping to forge a good relationship so I’m included in the babies life but I don’t want to be pushy and spoil what we have . So any tips and advise would be lovely

Congratulations. I would just recommend saying your there for advice of needed. Dont be a grandma who 'offers' advice randomly as it can be overbearing. None of the 'ohhh I did it this way, this is better' etc as it really grates on parents to be's nerves. Ask what gifts they would like don't go out and buy loads of stuff as it may not be what they want. When little one is here just judge the situation, if she's tired offer to make a drink make her food or say you will sit with little one if she wants a shower. Knowing your there to help when needed will be appreciated more than running in like a bull in a China shop :)

Ohhh and don't keep saying 'when baby stays over at my house' that's been a pet peeve of mine that my mil keeps saying.

Lovely news for you!

It's great you're already considering how best to navigate your new role. As the pp has said, just make it clear that you're there for them if they need you. This isn't just for helping baby but in terms of helping with cooking, cleaning etc when the baby arrives. Absolutely steer clear of offering any advice unless it is explicitly requested. Even if you're offering advice with the best intent, it can feel undermining, especially when hormones and sleep deprivation are factors.

One big thing that meant a lot to me was when my inlaws compliment my parenting. So make sure you let your son and his girlfriend know when they're doing a great job. It can be easy to doubt yourself when you've had a baby so these nice comments will mean a lot and help them feel you're 'on their side'.

I also think it's lovely when people get a thoughtful gift for the mum (nice bath products, cosy pyjamas etc) when she's given birth, not just for the baby. It shows you're appreciating everything they've been through in birth and that the mum is still important (sometimes it can feel a bit like everyone cares about the baby and overlooks the mum). Obviously not necessary to get a gift for mum but it's a nice gesture.

Thank you for the tips . Great advise . I think they are moving closer so that when he works she will be closer to her mum . She doesn’t work so she can help during the day . I still work full time so I’m just going to be patient and wait and just let them know I’m here for help and advise if they need it . It’s exciting news about I don’t want my over excitement to cause issues . I can be over enthusiastic. They told us before Christmas so it didn’t dominate Christmas Day so I going to try and not discuss it over the Christmas Day unless they raise it . They are here Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and lunch this year so I will take my queue from them .