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Original poster

DD doesn't want to spend time with me!

15 replies

Funkyslippers · 18/12/2021 14:58

DD(12) is very independent and lately she's been on call to her friends alot after school, weekends etc. She often combines this with homework/colouring etc. This is very important to her and makes her happy. I try to do something with her every day but she always says she's too busy! We play badminton twice a week, take friend's dog for a walk twice a week and watch TV together and that's about it. I respect the fact that her friends are very special to her but feel s bit redundant. Should I just accept that that's how she wants it? I always tell her I'm always here for her if she wants to chat/do something

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/12/2021 15:00

You already sound like you do lots together, and she seems to have a lovely arrangement with her friends. You need to look for ways to entertain yourself separate from your dd.

sadpapercourtesan · 18/12/2021 15:01

Yes, you will have to accept that this is the way she wants it - and it means you've brought up a healthy well-adjusted child who is ready to start the long process of establishing independence Flowers

She knows you're there if she wants you.

trumpisagit · 18/12/2021 15:03

I agree. For a 12 year old she is spending a reasonable amount of time with you.
Does she do other things with her friends, like meet up with them too?
I would just be glad she has a great set of friends and she is happy.
I have told DH in the past that it's not our children's job to entertain him.

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lollipoprainbow · 18/12/2021 15:11

Be glad she has friends and is happy, my dd has ASD and struggles terribly with friendships, I worry about her future and if she will ever be independent.

QueenofLouisiana · 18/12/2021 15:16

That’s quite a lot of things to do together really! There were a few years when we rarely saw DS apart from eating, lifts and big days out. DH and I have focused on rediscovering ourselves as a married couple and as people, not parents, in recent months as it does feel strange to not be the centre of their existence.

NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2021 15:18

Yeah, that's normal for her age.

It's tough though when they start pulling away, but it has to happen.

Just carry on as you are, let her know you're there and try and continue with the stuff you do together for a sling as she wants.

JuneOsborne · 18/12/2021 15:22

It does gets like this. But as this changes, so do other things. Like, you find they've got an amazing sense of humour, or that's they've developed an interest in X and when you do spend time together (usually when dropping off and picking them up!) They're the best company, in a more grown up way!

And so it goes on. It's lovely really, I always feel like I get the chance to get to know them all over again when they have these developmental type spurts.

I have a ginormous almost 17 yo and I do not get many cuddles. But when I do get one, it's a new feeling! Not squashy and faintly smelling of play-doh. But broad and smelling of soap and aftershave!

Rambling. I had a glass of wine with my lunch.

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2021 15:26

Sounds standard. I’d say you’re doing pretty well at that amount of interaction!

Mine also likes cooking/eating related things, board games, trips to town/etc

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 18/12/2021 15:27

My dd dumped me for a few teen years. At 16 she is back and my ears are battered!! Never realised she doesn't stfu ever!!

GrandmasCat · 18/12/2021 15:31

I came to find out that teenage is the time when kids start to spread their wings and venture into independence and the time for us parents to start getting used to the idea that soon they will fly the nest.

It all starts on the first week of secondary school… you walk them to the bus stop as children on Monday and by Friday you have a teen at the table telling you not to expect him for lunch on Saturday as he is out to town with his friends.

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/12/2021 15:45

That’s quite a bit of time spent together.

She’s at the start of adolescence and will pull away from family to focus on her peer group, it’s a natural pulling away from the tribe to establish herself as an adult.

You need to be around to support her, but now is the time to start building up your own life. Sounds like you’re doing a great job as a parent.

PotteringAlong · 18/12/2021 16:11

We play badminton twice a week, take friend's dog for a walk twice a week and watch TV together and that's about it.

You do absolutely loads together! Her friends are special to her because they’re her friends. That’s not to say you’re not, but you’re her mum, not her friend, and it’s a different kind of relationship.

nannybeach · 18/12/2021 16:14

First the DKs then the DGKs make you redundant,my youngest DHD12 still rather likes coming to stay, but then mostly stays in her room

Whattochoosenow · 18/12/2021 16:25

It’s part of development and part of her starting to become independent. Friends become more important and parents less so throughout teens. Just be there when she need you. When they get older they come back 🙂

IvoryViolets · 19/12/2021 14:51

My 12 needed dragging out the house today but she came with me shopping and chatted non stop the entire time we were out! Leary from my eldest that sometimes they love coming out with us oldies but just need a shove t her put the door

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