Help with parenting a 4 year old

[Lotgreenwood128]

Just that, please!
She’s an only child, has everything and our undivided attention. We both work full time but our jobs are flexible and we share drop-offs, picks ups, play dates you name it! She has started school in September and she’s tired so the level of whining has increased but we are not doing any activities after school and just let her chill. At school she’s good, has no behavioural issues has friends. At home she’s relentless…she’s been since she was born. Very much a spirited child! Couldn’t nap unless being carried around in a sling, wouldn’t get into the pram, had to co-sleep, would constantly yell until she gets her way…Normally I am very tolerant of her outburst as I understand she’s only a child but I am starting to think if this normal and should we see a therapist help her manage her one million outbursts…Again at school and when she was at nursery no issues were raised about her behaviour but surely being constantly mad and having outbursts can’t be ok. Any advice, please?

Total sympathy here. I have another DC and work around school hours and my DD was just like this so I don't think it's anything to do with being an only one.

A couple of things which might help. My son gets very frustrated sometimes and can scream when it happens. He's also 4.

Since he was a toddler we've spoken to him about his emotions and given them names so he could articulate his feelings. We'd say things like 'it's ok to be frustrated, but doing x behaviour isn't a good way to express that emotion' then we'd give examples of better ways to express it.

You have to have these conversations when she's calm though.

During an outburst, I'd ignore her and set up a 'safe space' like a tent or cushion area where she can go (help her get there) until the outburst passes. Then talk to her about the emotion and how to express it.

Also pick your battles. It's likely she's not behaving like this at school / nursery because the boundaries around behaviour are there. Perhaps worth a chat to find out what they do about behaviour management. Do they have a class sticker chart or anything you can replicate at home?

You’re her safe space, so letting it all out when she gets home is perfectly normal (albeit horrible for you to deal with!) is what I’ve been told!

Comfort her with soothing techniques. My kids nursery do a pizza on the back where they get to pick the toppings and the teacher sprinkles or pats them on their back - they showed me and I found it so soothing plus it focuses the child away from the strop to something else. Then a calm chat labelling the emotion and an explanation of what you’d like to see them do instead.

Is there anything that triggers the outbursts, such as being told no to her wanting to do an activity, or is it just tiredness?