My ex gave the Christmas presents early… Including mine

[beansontoast22]

My ex wife and I have shared custody (week about) of our DSs (17,10).

This year she’ll have them for Christmas so I have all my Christmas presents to the kids at her place.

It’s their mum’s week but yesterday I picked up my 10 year old to take to an eye test and he said:
‘Dad, don’t be upset but mum let us open some Christmas presents early.’

I then found out she let them open MY gifts to the kids including the main presents! Not sure if they even know they’re from me. My 17 year old didn’t mention anything by text and my ex didn’t say anything either.

I’m so annoyed but no idea how to fix it. Now the kids have nothing to open from me on Christmas Day… I haven’t spoken to my ex about it yet because I’m not sure what can be done. Obviously I’m never leaving the presents at her place again.

Any advice?

Oooh, I'd be cross about that.

I'd tell her you're not happy! And ask her how it came about.

Will you buy something else? Because it makes you look a bit shitty on Christmas day, doesn't it? I'd be telling her that too!

Chalk it up to experience and don't do it again. Do your own Christmas with them next time. I wouldn't dream of sending my presents to my ex's house. I want to see how my DS reacts to the presents I bought him.

Also tell your kids they already opened their presents from you. That doesn't entitle them to more on Christmas Day.

That's so mean. And bat shit. The 17 year old is old enough to realise that's it and they won't get more. The 10 year old might need a consolation gift.

Don't leave the presents there again!

That was really shitty of your ex. But why did you send your presents to them to your ex's?

Next time have your own Christmas day with them, so you get the joy of seeing them opening your presents.

Thanks for the replies.

The kids like to have Christmas ’once’. When we split that was the first thing our oldest asked about (didn’t want to have two Christmases, wanted us all to be together). So we have always done it that whoever has the kids that year hosts and the presents live under the tree at their place. We still all open presents together.

Can’t believe she did this… I know she probably just had a tough week at work and wanted something to cheer herself up and seeing the kids happy would do that but yeah, really not sure whether I should be going out and trying to now replace the presents or to find some other solution… she always says I’m cheap (she had bought our 10 year old three North Face winter coats this year even though he already had a few expensive ones from last year that fit… she just charged them to our joint bank account for kids expenses and said I was being cheap when I said I don’t think we should be spending that kind of money on one coat for a kid let alone buying three in different colours). If I don’t buy new presents she’ll again say I’m being cheap (and tell the kids that) and if I do I feel like she’s forced me to spend more time and money buying gifts I already thought about carefully. (Both boys have everything on their Christmas list… they don’t ask for much… I don’t even know what I’d get with only a week until Christmas and they come to me today!)

Get them an occulus quest. Charge it to the joint account, same cost as those coats?

For Christmas I'd be getting her some boundaries!

No more joint account for expenses - work out what's needed and spilt 50/50 at the time. If she wants to buy 2-3 extra coats then she funds it. I like the fact you've kept it and are willing to pay half but it only really works when you have equal outlooks on things.

And no more presents sent to her house. If you go xmas day turn up with what you've got.

But what she did is shitty.

Thanks everyone.

Update, I confronted her about it and she immediately admitted it and apologised (not sure how she thought she would get away with not saying anything but oh well). She agreed to cover the cost of the gifts she let them open (because she let them believe they were from her) so now I'm running around trying to find last minute gifts while I have the kids and they're off school this week because of covid.