If your young children go to bed "late"...

[brokenkettle]

...by British standards e.g. after 9pm or so, how do they spend their time in the evening? And when do you (and your partner if you have one) get a chance to relax and wind down?

Genuinely curious as I feel like we put our kid to bed by 8 just so we can relax and do what we want for a few hours.

I have friends who's toddlers go to bed at nine.

They just stay up later themselves, and then they all get up later in the morning. The kids don't wake till 9am and only go to nursery in the afternoon.

Parents work shifts so their sleep patterns are all over the place.

They know they will have to change things once school starts.

My kids are strictly in bed at 7.30. I need a break 😂

My niece & nephew go to bed late, despite one of them being at school. Typically 9pm for the nephew but my niece often goes to bed with them at 10pm 😵‍💫 she tends to sleep in their bed too!

I think they are insane. I don’t know why they do it. They complain parenting is never ending, their house is a tip & I’m not convinced they have a shred of romantic relationship left 🙈 each to their own I suppose 🤷🏼‍♀️

Interesting seeing how other people handle it! We kept our kid up late once (for new year) but it was so exhausting as he needed to be kept occupied the whole time. I mean, fine, if you have a docile child who will sit and draw for ages or something, or watch a family film without begging for more snacks every five minutes, but otherwise... Ugh. I need the downtime.

On her switch or phone. Although bedtime has now been brought forward a couple of hours as she's a nightmare with not enough sleep.

We just don’t have downtime. Ds just doesn’t seem to need the sleep. He sleeps 8.30/9pm-6am usually.

I started bed at 7.45pm today and he’s still bouncing off his cot, dh has taken over. ( it’s 8.55pm here). Hence why I usually just don’t bother until later

We don’t really have that much time to pass in evening tbh .6-7pm we are prepping and eating dinner. 7-8.15pm FaceTime grandma/playing/ bath before we head upstairs.

They dont need entertainment, we ll have dinner around 7.30/8, then play lego, chat, wash teeth, read a book...

we put our kid to bed by 8 just so we can relax and do what we want for a few hours

What are you going to do when you have a teenager?

Our youngest (of 4 children) has always gone to bed late-ish, 8-9pm. She's 7 now. But we also have a 17yo and a 16yo, and 12yo, so it's not like we get kid-free time in the evening.

We're lucky the teens like to spend time with us in the evening, lots if other people's kids don't.

When the older kids were little, they went to bed early. We thought we needed grown up time back then. With time, we've learnt we don't.

@FATEdestiny

we put our kid to bed by 8 just so we can relax and do what we want for a few hours

What are you going to do when you have a teenager?

Our youngest (of 4 children) has always gone to bed late-ish, 8-9pm. She's 7 now. But we also have a 17yo and a 16yo, and 12yo, so it's not like we get kid-free time in the evening.

We're lucky the teens like to spend time with us in the evening, lots if other people's kids don't.

When the older kids were little, they went to bed early. We thought we needed grown up time back then. With time, we've learnt we don't.

A teenager won't be climbing on me or wanting literally constant attention though! They can join in with things more, like watching some TV together or playing a game together.

If my partner and I don't get time together in the evening, we have no other time to talk to one another without being constantly interrupted. Not sure if this is the case for anyone else?

Mine are 7 nearly 8 and 10 now so a little different, but they still go up at 7.30 on a school night. Later at the weekend. Sometimes half 9 sometimes 11 if we're watching films or playing games

Yes I know what you mean. Even with 12 and 6 year old even when they try to wait for a space to talk they are dancing around barely able to contain themselves so being distracting.

12 year old now goes to bed at 11pm on weekends which is similar time to me. But she is in her room settled and ready for bed by 9pm then on xbox, watching TV or reading. Younger one is in bed for 8pm would he early but less advantage as older one up anyway.

A sensible bedtime is good. The fact you also get some benefit is also good.

Mine went to bed late. I had to work and didn't want to just see them for a couple of hours in the evening so they went to bed same time as me, childminder called and collected them at about 11 or 12. DH was home as he was disabled so they weren't without an adult but he couldn't do much with them. I worked flexi so was home at 5 so I had about 5 or 6 hours with them.

We'd all have dinner, I'd play with them (obviously a bit different with a 10 month old to a 10 year old but you play games for their age) we'd have a cuddle, watch TV, bath. Just normal stuff.

I wondering this too! Living in a flat, what do teenagers do in the evenings! Right now, mine are in bed/their bedrooms by 7.30pm. But when they’re too old to be sent to their rooms at that time, how are we ever going to have space from one another

I know a couple who’s kids go to bed anywhere between 10pm-2am
They are 9 and 4
They whinge about having no time for themselves and how they are sick of school ringing to say the eldest has fallen asleep at his desk-again
They claim to be trying for another one but no luck yet (wonder why?)

I’m no perfect parent but bedtime was 7pm,lights off at half past and it was time to go to sleep
In the holidays it was 8pm with lights off at half past until they got to the teenage years when it was more 10pm in the holidays and 9pm in school hours
That kept my sanity for years

I’d lose my job if I had a toddler climbing all over me in the evenings - I’m a primary teacher work around three hours every weekday evening to keep up. We don’t have a large enough house for me to have a private workspace.

Colleagues who have children with later bedtimes have children aged 9+, so they tell me that it’s much easier as they can read/entertain themselves.

We all have to be out of the house at 7.15 during term time anyway, to get to work/grandparents, so a later bedtime would mean a very tired child in our case. I’ve tried a couple of weeks later bedtimes this time on mat leave with DD2 in the hope of a lie in, and DD1 (age 3) was an overtired horror as she still wakes up at 6 when DP has a shower. So we’ve returned to normal bedtime for everyone’s sanity.

My kids don't sleep early. The just don't. People have been so judgy about it too like going to bed super early is the only acceptable thing. I don't know how people who have kids in bed at 6 and up at 5 cope with the mornings. It's lovely to be able to get up and pulled together before waking the kids for school or whatever. And they have all sorts of activities available to them that presumably some other kids can't go to because their bed time is so early. Even beavers finishes at 8 and it's aimed at under 8s. As for what they do, they just play, read, watch tv etc.

Mine literally has never slept more than 9.30/10 hrs overnight ( and even that is with wake up sometimes)
So 9pm- 6.30am, 8.30-6am.

7pm bedtime, he’s up at 4am.

After faffing last night it was 9.20pm before he fell asleep, was still up at 6am.

Before our DD started school she would go to bed 8.30-9pm and wake at 7.30 give or take. We’re night owls so this suited us and we sort of made it that way. She’s very good at independent play so she’d just play or watch some Disney if we were home.

Somehow she still goes to bed at the same time now at school but we both WFH so no big rush in the morning. One of us will always WFH for the school drop though so I guess we can stick with this.

I had to take her for an appointment before school yesterday and trying to wake her before 7.30 was very amusing haha

My 4yr old goes to bed around 9pm. Tonight was more 9.15. We do bath at 7/7.30 with her little sister. She's usually down for 7.30/7.45.

We then either watch a film, sometimes she wants to play with her toys or do some jigsaws, other times she wants to colour in. Sometimes she'll watch something she likes in telly. She also gets a small glass of milk and a snack. Sometimes one of us stays with her depending what she's doing other times she just plays herself. She never wants to go to bed. We used to try and out her down at 8pm but she just doesn't need as much sleep now. She does often sleep in until 8am or later though. It's hard to get her up at 7.30 when I'm working.

It sounds like she does need the sleep if she sleeps in and is difficult to get up at 7.30am!

I foolishly let my 5 year old up late. Came to about 10pm and she wanted something to eat and just wouldn't give up. Hopefully I learn and do better tonight!

@Bobholll

My kids are strictly in bed at 7.30. I need a break 😂

My niece & nephew go to bed late, despite one of them being at school. Typically 9pm for the nephew but my niece often goes to bed with them at 10pm 😵‍💫 she tends to sleep in their bed too!

I think they are insane. I don’t know why they do it. They complain parenting is never ending, their house is a tip & I’m not convinced they have a shred of romantic relationship left 🙈 each to their own I suppose 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's possible it's not really a choice on their part! My eldest was always a night owl when she was little, so we didn't have an "evening" without her. There would have been absolutely no point putting her to sleep early. She would inevitably sleep in the car on the way home from nursery (it wasn't possible for DH to pick her up earlier than 5.45 or 6), and would be refreshed by her 45 min nap (he tried loud music, stopping halfway an getting her out of the car into the cold air etc. Never worked). If we were lucky she'd go to sleep by 10.30, but we had nights where she was up to midnight. It was absolutely bloody exhausting but we just couldn't get round it. She would then often have a horrifically broken night too as she was overtired. My house was a tip and we had bugger all time for romance.

She's 5 now. Once we got past the napping in the car stage it was all fine. She goes to bed at 8pm now (or sometimes a little earlier, but not much) and we don't hear a peep from her. Our twins we have a nanny for instead of nursery, and so far that has avoided this issue as they aren't having a long car journey in the evening, they go down nicely at 7.30/7.45, but they aren't even remotely sleeping through yet.

Looking forward to having a tidy house and a romantic relationship at some point...

I don't understand the bed early thing, although full disclosure our toddler goes to sleep at 10pm.
Kids need"x" hours sleep, so by all means set a bed time that suits you, but add on"x" hours and that's when they'll be ready to get up . So if you also like a lie in you'll want to think about whether you want a lie in or an evening. Our son is up around 8.30am in the morning.
As far as i know, they don't sleep longer if they go to bed earlier.
For what it's worth he's just gone 2 and in the evening we have dinner and he has a snack with us, then we sit together and play for an hour before a leisurely bedtime routine.

Sorry the way i wrote that post sounded a bit abrupt, it wasn't intended that way! Merry Christmas all, best wishes.

My two (6 & 3) go to bed around 9. They get up between 6 and 7 on average, although we've seen 4am before. Bath, play, stories, drawing, sometimes they play in their rooms for a while. No amount of fresh air and exercise seems to have any effect. They've never needed much sleep, dropped naps altogether very early. If I put them to bed at 8, we'd have hours of them yelling and appearing with various crises so can't relax.

Our kids our in bed at 6:30 and asleep at 7pm.