Struggling with toddler and newborn

[UKmumtobe]

I am really struggling I feel like everything is a huge mess

Baby is 4 weeks and I just can't seem to get him to sleep for naps. I can't work out his awake time nor how is best to help him sleep. Sometimes he will sleep in the carrier but otherwise it's a lost cause. Doesn't like being in the pram on walks and doesn't feed to sleep because toddler is too noisy and creates havoc.

Breastfeeding is going well but toddler absolutely hates it when im doing it and acts out at me or creates a huge mess or generally will do something dangerous. I also think he's a very hungry baby and I don't know if I'm giving him enough. He's always rooting for more.

I can't keep the house in order or clean. It's embarrassing.

Baby cries all evening or cluster feeds so no time to catch up with anything then. It's just partner and I taking it in turns with him or him on my boob.

Then it just starts all over again the next morning.

Anyone have any tips? I'm drowning

Have you tried a sling or baby carrier? That way you can walk about and do what you need to do whilst he’s in the sling cluster feeding? Sounds like that might help you feel a little more on top of stuff. No advice re the toddler unfortunately as I’ve only got the one who was/is a relentless breastfeeder but I’m sure someone else will come along with tips xx

I had an 18 month gap and so what you're saying sounds very familiar. Just to let you know, mine are 3& 4 now and life is sooo much easier. You will get through this. Things that helped me
a) get toddler a baby to "feed" while you feed baby. Baby Annabelle worked for us.
b) let the toddler watch TV whenever you breastfeed. I know screen time isnt ideal but even just until you settle into a better routine with baby.
c) I played Fetch with my toddler while breastfeeding...sounds awful but I'd sit where I could throw the ball down the hall, she would get a run, wouldn't feel like she was ignored for baby, was a win-win.
d) Can you drive baby to sleep? Make it an adventure with the toddler, go get snacks or see what colour cars you can spot etc?
e) Can you afford a cleaner? If so, get one. If not, just forget about clean house until baby gets himself in more of a feeding routine.

I feel your pain I have an 18 month gap and have just got through the newborn stage.
Adding to the above advice...

1. I used a hand puppet with my free hand when breastfeeding and got toddler to make food for it in his play kitchen
2. I encouraged toddler to read book in front of me so I could read over his shoulder so he'd still get the story
3. the sling was my friend for all naps. Eventually she learned to sleep in the pramr so I could take the double puggy out at naptime and take todder to the park It does get easier but we are still experiencing some challenging behavior from the toddler (nearly 2) who is very clingy with me and wants picking up everytime I have his sister in my arms!

My daughter is now 16 weeks and my son is nearly four and I can really relate to what you're saying. It's incredibly hard to begin with, but things are gradually getting easier. Don't forget that looking after two children is a learning curve, just as learning to look after your first child is too and go easy on yourself. The first month or two are definitely just about getting through