Agonising over where to raise my family in UK- South East or South Wales

[Littlecelticswan]

Apologises in advance for the long thread. I grew up in South Wales in a pretty run down area and moved away from home at 17. I was lucky enough to get a scholarship to a prestigious university in England and from there spent most of my twenties working overseas in parts of Africa and Asia for development organisation. To cut a long story short, in my late 20s I had family issues and needed to move back to UK to support my mother as she became a carer for my adult brothers.

I trained as a Psychotherapist and found a job I love in London working in children’s mental health. My partner is also in social care and before starting a family we bought a lovely little cottage in a small Essex town bordering London. We were quite happy here - until my son came along midway through the pandemic.

Now, every day I find myself frustrated with the area we’re in and the lack of affordability for families like us. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and couldn’t think of doing anything else. However, crunching the numbers for the future causes me significant amounts of anxiety. Basically, our mortgage and bills are extremely high and we need two salaries to make it work. However, because of childcare costs in our area we won’t be able to afford for me to return to work anymore than 3 days a week, and that is with grandma helping with childcare. We can only afford this because I worked extra bank hours ( NHS) throughout my pregnancy and took on additional private work on evenings and weekends to build up our savings. Both our jobs are stressful, resource-poor and pretty badly paid to live in this area of the world. I worry about ever achieving a life-work balance which allows me to have a career AND raise my son. I also worry about ever being able to afford a second child.

I also find myself increasingly frustrated with the lack of diversity and opportunities for people in the area I live in. My partner and I are both liberal and have, what some might call, alternative views on the world. I have honestly found it hard to fit in here, which has added to the sense of loneliness on maternity leave. I KNOW this isn’t everyone, but I have personally felt quite ostracised here so I can only talk to my own experience.

I have found myself more and more drawn to living back in Wales, or at least somewhere more adorable in the south west of England but I worry that we’ll regret this move in the future. It frustrates me that public sector workers seem to have such a difficult time making a life for themselves in this part of the country. I don’t have a lot of love left for london and would be happy to leave it behind but I’m honestly terrified that we wouldn’t find good jobs outside of the capital. Has anyone made a similar move or is contemplating it?

I live in London and I love it (so, this will be a biased response). But one thing stuck out in your OP, you said you value diversity and opportunities. But you're unlikely to get diversity in South Wales at least not anything like London.

There's a lot wrong with London like the high property prices and air pollution, but I still wouldn't bring up my DD anywhere else because I really value the diversity, friendliness and open mindedness of the area and of my neighbours who we are good friends with. We live in an affordable leafy suburb, but we have London salaries (I'm part time) and basically we think we get the best of both worlds (in our opinion). It is possible to aim to have everything rather than compromise on your values!

I think you and your husband are ideally placed to get non-London jobs. Are you NHS/local authority or third sector employed? Salaries tend to be better in statutory services I find. It surprises me that your salary isn't greater than cost of childcare as psychotherapists in NHS are at least band 7. We made the move out of London for the reasons you give and I had no trouble getting an NHS job at the same band I was on in London. Salary slightly lower as I lost London weighting but cost of housing much lower still. Don't regret it for a moment. We had no family childcare support in London and none here so no change there, but if you've got family help where you are it might be a trickier decision. There is cultural diversity in places outside of London too!

Do you both speak Welsh I thought you couldn’t get public sector jobs in Wales without being bi lingual ?

Very few public sector jobs in Wales require someone to speak Welsh, and in South Wales where OP is from there won't be any issues at all. There is slightly more generous pre-school nursery provision in Wales too, which may help you.

I loved living in Cardiff, and it is very diverse. Plenty of job options too

I do speak Welsh (although I’m a bit rusty!) but my partner is English so he’d likely have to re-register. I’ve never heard that you have to be bi-lingual to work in the public sector but it’s definitely something to look in to. My son is half welsh so I’d like him to learn welsh in school if we end up living there.

Thank you @TradedAtlanta that’s so helpful to hear you found it a positive move. Yes, therapists start at band 7 which on paper is very generous (certainly the most money I’ve ever made!). However, we’re finding that cost of living is just so high that it’s leaving us short every month. We’ve been quoted £1500-£1600 per month for full time childcare. This increases if we need to use longer hours to travel to and from jobs in central london and need to work late. Once I’ve paid my share of the mortgage, bills and petrol, there’s nothing left of my salary which just doesn’t work in the long run. We both own old cars, don’t use credit cards and live pretty frugally but I’d like to be comfortable enough to take my son on holiday and to classes and have a little bit of cash left at the end of the month! Having less outgoings (and a shorter commute- currently 1.5 hours each way!) even if it means reducing salary, sounds extremely tempting!

I’m not sure I quite follow your post. You say that diversity is important to you, but London is far more ethnically diverse than the south-west and Wales, surely?

@Peaseblossum22

Do you both speak Welsh I thought you couldn’t get public sector jobs in Wales without being bi lingual ?

I believe this is a myth. All of my friends from South Wales don’t speak Welsh. Mid wales never in conversation but can. North Wales, very Welsh speaking.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-57776429.amp

I thought this was a new law passed in 2021

@Peaseblossum22

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-57776429.amp

I thought this was a new law passed in 2021

Wow! My Welsh friends wouldn’t be able to get a job in their own country!

@lllllllllll the problem is that I don’t live in london, nor can we realistically afford to. If we were in a liberal, diverse area of the capital (like where I work) then I think I would feel differently. But I’ve found that the area I’m in is lacking in diversity and there’s been quite a few times I’ve heard overtly racist and sexist views casually in shops. I know Wales is far from diverse but feel (hope?) that maybe being able
to afford to live in Cardiff would be better than where we are now?