AIBU asking to separate toddler and dog

[Tots12345]

We have asked to keep my sister’s dog away from our 18 month old at Christmas, as my dh is especially worried about the dog barking and jumping up at her. The few times she has met the dog, the dog had jumped and barked and made our baby/toddler cry. The dog is very boisterous and not trained. We will be at my parents for Christmas with my sister’s family and dog, initial plan was for us to all stay over for 1-2 nights. We have asked the dog is in another room or in her cage. Now my sister is upset and my parents are saying the dog is part of the family. I know we and my dh may be over protective, but isn’t that our prerogative as this is a tiny human vs a dog?

Surely op can manage her own dc around a ddog?

Is the dog just an excited pup that is a bit boisterous or is it barking in an aggressive way at the toddler. These are completely different things.

My SIL watched my son overnight when he was a baby (she asked) and I did say only if her dog wasn’t there. Her dog is in no way aggressive but just a hyper pup and I didn’t think she could manage both which she agreed with after watching him. However if we were all there for dinner I would have concerns as assume someone could keep control of the dog until it calmed down.

I now have a dog who is also hyper and would jump on children, plays with my son (that he encourages) if we were going to be with other family members and they were concerned about their 18 month old I would keep my dog on a lead until the initial excitement had passed! Is this an option?

Would not have concerns **

But one with an owner who can’t understand the risk of having them around a toddler when all the adults will be tipsy is one that is probably too thick to be able to control their animal / pay for training. I would definitely try to cut them out of my life if I could.

Wow what a leap. And an overreaction

Staying 1 or 2 night in someone else’s house with a toddler, is an imposition. Of course the dog can’t be caged or closed away for the days and nights you’d be staying in their house.

Just visit for an hour or two.

Thanks for all of your thoughts on this, I really wanted to understand what other people do with toddlers and dogs to see if we are unreasonable. I would have expected the owner to be mindful of what the child’s parents want. I would probably be more flexible, allowing them to mix once the dog was tired out and just be on guard, but my dh is adamant he doesn’t want them to mix as he’s worried. I think that’s his right as a parent, so that’s why I’ve asked for them to be separated. I’ve proposed to take our portable gate but put on one part of the house to keep them apart, but maybe I can propose again and we can move it around. My sister said if they can’t mix she will come for a few hours without the dog and go home rather than stay over, but that seems extreme to me too, as then she and all the family miss out because of a dog. I know my parents don’t want that as that’s basically what I was told by them, I know dogs are generally safe, I had a dog for years, but this one did snap a couple of times when she was a puppy.

Dd1 was scared of dogs for years because a friends lab was allowed to jump up at the toddlers and be very boisterous around them.

She got over it by meeting another friends very well trained gentle and controlled by its owner dog.

Yanbu and I'm a owner of a boisterous dog. My dog is on a short lead around toddlers and often shut away if I have very small visitors to the house.

Just ask to keep the dog on the lead to start and then when your child is playing, sit on the floor with her with your body between child and dog

No way.

If you think the dog is a danger around toddlers that is different, what breed is it?

I think by not letting your child mix with dogs or by constantly separating them it could lead to them becoming fearful as your anxiety with project onto them. That said I do need to warn my 5 year old in relation to my dog as he thinks they are wrestling partners 🙈 She is great with him but she is a dog.

Fucking hell the angst of it all there is a simple solution that sadly requires a time machine train your fucking dog

ive no clue why the current trend is for dogs to be untrained and boisterous what the fuck is the reasoning? "Just let dogs be dogs" "its only a puppy" followed by "technically its a toddler/teenager" fucking TRAIN THE DOG

@Theunamedcat

Fucking hell the angst of it all there is a simple solution that sadly requires a time machine train your fucking dog

ive no clue why the current trend is for dogs to be untrained and boisterous what the fuck is the reasoning? "Just let dogs be dogs" "its only a puppy" followed by "technically its a toddler/teenager" fucking TRAIN THE DOG

And train the fucking toddler. My 2 year old knows to stay away from dogs until she's told they're safe. And then she knows how to calmly approach a dog and she knows to back away from a dog that's not completely happy.

The toddlers parents have as much responsibility as the dogs owners to control this situation.

Are people missing the fact that OP wants to be in her relatives house for days ? Caging a dog for days and nights? Nah.
OP can’t train the dog, so she has to make other choices, like visiting the house for a few hours instead of days.

In my opinion, you don't get to make demands in someone else's house. Both you and your sister are guests and your mother has made it clear that she wont tolerate ultimatums.

Personally I think that's fine.

Why not go, see how things go. Make sure you are able to moderate the dogs behaviour. Allow the dog time to settle. Ask face to face like normal siblings for Rover to be popped into the kitchen if he isn't settling down. You job is to make sure your toddler isn't near the dog.

As a dog owner I have hawk eyes when my dog is near a new child. I know how he reacts with children in general but I have had to step in in the past to protect him from children.

As neither parents more sister really get it I’d opt out of staying over and visit for a couple of hours instead.
That way your sister and dog can stay over and you aren’t forcing anyone out.

You're asking for them to shut the dog away for 2 days? That is unreasonable. I agree that caution needs to be had when dogs and children are around each other, but to lock the dog away isn't the right choice. Why not just go for a couple of hours.

I appreciate the dog can’t be shut away for days. Will most likely go for few hours and then avoid overnight.
Thanks for everyone’s advice and different views

@Ozanj but you're telling Op to go NC with her parents when it's her (presumably) adult sister's dog and it's her sister who is responsible for it, not the parents? IYSWIM.

@Tots12345

Thanks for all of your thoughts on this, I really wanted to understand what other people do with toddlers and dogs to see if we are unreasonable. I would have expected the owner to be mindful of what the child’s parents want. I would probably be more flexible, allowing them to mix once the dog was tired out and just be on guard, but my dh is adamant he doesn’t want them to mix as he’s worried. I think that’s his right as a parent, so that’s why I’ve asked for them to be separated. I’ve proposed to take our portable gate but put on one part of the house to keep them apart, but maybe I can propose again and we can move it around. My sister said if they can’t mix she will come for a few hours without the dog and go home rather than stay over, but that seems extreme to me too, as then she and all the family miss out because of a dog. I know my parents don’t want that as that’s basically what I was told by them, I know dogs are generally safe, I had a dog for years, but this one did snap a couple of times when she was a puppy.

He's being ridiculous, that's such an overreaction. Toddlers are safely around dogs all the time, unless it's a dangerous breed or a dog with a history of being aggressive he's massively overreacting.

Your child is WAY more likely to end up getting hurt by dogs if she doesn't know how to act around them. A safe, controlled environment like that is safe. I imagine she'll be at the table eating, or on the couch on your lap, or having naps for much of the time she's there anyway. In which case she won't even be around the dog much.

It sounds like the dog isn't even a puppy anymore? In which case it will likely have minimal interest, if it has been walked before.

I would never stay in a house longer than an hour with my 2 collies.My collies are fine,not boisterous and well behaved.No, I worry about the stupid kids who have no idea how to behave around a dog,because the parents have never bothered to teach them.

@Tots12345

Thanks for all of your thoughts on this, I really wanted to understand what other people do with toddlers and dogs to see if we are unreasonable. I would have expected the owner to be mindful of what the child’s parents want. I would probably be more flexible, allowing them to mix once the dog was tired out and just be on guard, but my dh is adamant he doesn’t want them to mix as he’s worried. I think that’s his right as a parent, so that’s why I’ve asked for them to be separated. I’ve proposed to take our portable gate but put on one part of the house to keep them apart, but maybe I can propose again and we can move it around. My sister said if they can’t mix she will come for a few hours without the dog and go home rather than stay over, but that seems extreme to me too, as then she and all the family miss out because of a dog. I know my parents don’t want that as that’s basically what I was told by them, I know dogs are generally safe, I had a dog for years, but this one did snap a couple of times when she was a puppy.

Your husband is being really OTT then, and since its him that's being unreasonable I'd leave him to speak to your family and sort it out.

She'll not want to leave the dog too long in case it poos and wees all over the house while she's out if she was to stop over.

I'm glad I don't have pets anymore

I wouldn't go if they are unwilling to have the dog out of the way. Yes the dog is family but it should be able to behave appropriately around children if it wants to be free to roam.
If people are uneasy about our dog I will always put her in another room, she goes off to her cage once she's fed up of our kids lol.

I think you need to respect her feelings too. To her she is not saying she will miss out because of ‘a dog’ she is saying she will go home to be with ‘her dog’, which presumably she feels is part of her family. I have both a dog and a child and wouldn’t take kindly to someone putting their demands on either when not in their own home. You are fully entitled to your feelings but so is she.