To work or take family money

[Charlottesweb82]

Guys please some measured advice. I have 2 lovely boys aged 3 and 6. The older boy has Asperger’s syndrome which is a high functioning type of autism. A few months ago, after being bullied/fired out of my last role as an accountant I took some time out and, for the first time - to my great shame as a mother - truly fell in love with my sons. I got itchy feet from not working however and have now just started a role with a lovely blue chip that offers a mix of home/office working and the culture is very different from previous employer.

My parents however, who had become accustomed and somewhat pleased with my Aspergers sons progress since I quit work, are up in arms I’ve gone back to work full time. They are wealthy people and are now offering me the equivalent of the UK average salary to stay at home for at least the next year. The money they are offering is a very small sum to them and will not impact their lifestyle or finances in any way.

My dilemma is that the job I’ve been offered is a good one in a company I genuinely like and see a future with. I also have pride and more respect in myself for earning my own. On the other hand I don’t want to stop my older boys progress in managing his autism, which has been supported hugely by my career break. My younger son also has blossomed and I feel so guilty spending much less time with him during his final year before starting school. My parents are describing this as a “critical time” which I’m jeopardising by going back to work.

So what would you do if faced with this dilemma?

This board highlights the problem cases and we can’t tell if ops parents are a problem case, or if it’s one year only. They just want the best for their dgc, maybe they’d pay for therapists for a few years, we don’t know.

Your parents are giving the money to your children not you. All what they are saying is not to worry about finances if that is the issue.

Don't put your ego before your sons personal development. You are not retireing yet, just taking a break.

Thank you for your comments all. Lots of conflicting opinions, much like my state of mind. The question of using the money to instead pay for private therapy for my son has come up a few times in this thread. I will confess for this past 6 months my parents, at their own insistence, have been paying for this service with a great speech therapist. This separate money offer is to keep me at home in addition to the therapy.

My parents would never give a lump sum and would actually be appalled at the idea of a nanny looking after my aspergers boy. They are quite out of touch in some ways. I think after being an absent and pretty D grade dad to me growing up, dad wants to ‘invest’ in his grandchildren and do something he will remember and be proud of. My pension contributions, although obviously lower than being employed, would carry on privately if I take the money.

Someone made a valid point on SEN being an issue for life and not something which can be resolved in a year. This is very true. Being honest with myself this is what’s driving my decision, which is to take the money. A single year at this early stage in his life could be more instrumental than a decade when he’s older.

It’s a great employer and opportunity but I intend to upgrade my skills, in SQL in particular, which in theory should mean I can get a job when the money stops. So that’s it, I’m putting my boys before my own career and hopefully I won’t regret it.

Best of luck OP, a very difficult decision but it sounds like upgrading your skills to remain employable is a good hedge in case things don’t work out as hoped. I commented earlier in the thread but later posts made me realise I didn’t really understand the SEN perspective. Wishing you and your sons a good year.

Best of luck op. I’d do the same and try to make the biggest difference in my child’s life this year that I could. And yes, see if you can find the carers and support that can continue to work with them for that extra opportunity when you go back to work; while I’ve said I think its critical timing now I do wish you the best in finding a satisfying job in a year.