28 month old son - BIG challenge (however love him dearly!)

[mumofro]

I absolutely adore my 28 month old son but for the last year I have had challenges after challenges. Apart from the fact he is a very poor sleeper and eater, he is also non-verbal which can cause a lot of frustration (for us both as we are unable to communicate). When out he won't stay close and just runs off and doesn't listen to any discipline. Saw HV last week who has referred him to a pediatrician due to being delayed in all aspects. He is in a world of his own all the time and HATES being told what to do - ends in tears and tantrums. Trips out are always so unsuccessful which is so disappointing as I am always taking him to nice places which I think he would enjoy (eg Peppa Pig World, Winter Wonderland, Santa Grotto etc) I forever have to have his iPad on me other its near on impossible to leave the house as he screams and screams. He only ever seems happy when at home, soft play or the park where he is free to do as he pleases (to an extent) I am a single Mum and sometimes it can be so difficult as I feel so restricted to what I can do. Help!!

Maybe all those places are a bit overwhelming for him, especially as since most his life has been during covid restrictions.

I would do less overwhelming things and keep it simple like soft play and play grounds.

Even my chilled 5 year old behaved badly at peppa pig world!

I can’t give you any advice on the development delays but starters trying to force #makingmemories days out. He likes soft play and the park so go there instead and save yourself the money and stress. I don’t think many 2YOs appreciate special days out tbh!

You probably won't like this but from what you've written he sounds like a normal 2year old to me.

Try removing the iPad completely and see it that improves his behaviour. We don't allow our kids to have a tablet for any more than 15 mins in very controlled situations. Their behaviour is appalling when they do. My first DC didn't talk until they were over 3 and it was tough going.

Solidarity though. It is tough having a little one. 2-3 can be a great age but it can also be the cause of multiple grey hairs. You'll get through it.

How much screen time does he have on a typical day? I find that too much screen time is terrible for toddler behaviour. It should be as little as possible but predictable, eg "20 minutes once you've had your afternoon snack" or whatever. And no amount of tantrumming will make you change your mind.
If outings like Santa's grotto etc. are too stressful for him, I'd give them a miss for now. Not all 2 year olds find them fun, for some they are just too much, too overstimulating. If he's happy running wild at the park, then just stick to that for the time being and try again in 6 months time or so.

Also adding that "special days out" such as PP world or Santa really are overwhelming for little ones. My kids hated Santa until they were 5 and didn't really engage. Don't waste your money!

I’m sorry but he doesn’t sound like a normal two year old in respect to his lack of speech. Maybe look into signing with him. Perhaps it may help to ask on the SEN board. I think you may have too high expectation of big days out. Remember parenting is cumulative so you don’t need to do big days out or santa visits now when he is two just at some point. My 2 year old loves a trip to Morrisons to push a small trolley, a quick trip to a quiet cafe for 10 minute drink and a snack, a 20 min trip to the library, running for hours at the park or soft play. At this age they are happy to be able to run around to burn off their energy and have short time limit trips.

He doesn't necessarily have special needs just because he's behind on his speech. Signing is a great suggestion, definitely give it a go OP!

Sounds pretty normal - it's not called the terrible twos for no reason. Agree with PP, I think a lot of big places (like Peppa Pig world) are overwhelming for little ones and there's a lot of pressure on you to make it a great day so everything is just heightened. We took DD to a nearby farm park at the same age and she HATED everything apart from one slide, we still joke about how we spent £35 to let her play on a slide all day.

Stick to what he likes now and just take the pressure off yourself. Plus if he is speech delayed, quieter places like the park give you more opportunity to chat and explore that can be really useful for his listening and speaking skills. If he runs off a lot then you either need reins or he goes in the buggy, if not you go home. I'd remove the iPad too - we have a little backpack (came with the reins!) and we take that out with us on day trips, has a few small toys, some crayons & colouring in book that we use for DD when we're out to buy 10 minutes peace. It's bloody hard going though.

Be kind to yourself and just do simple trips to a park or soft play.
Don't take the tablet away as others suggest as by the sounds of it he needs it.
If communication and play is difficult try joining in with him at home. Try copying his sounds and actions and play how he plays. Enter his world rather than wanting him to play our way.
Perhaps in the park hold him and say ready steady go and let him go and chase him so you're joining in with him and it becoming a joint game.
Wait for the HV's referral to go through and I'm sure you'll get support from speech and language therapy.