Worst thing you have been shamed for or worst advice given?

[LavenderBlue95]

Just out of curiosity really. I have a family member who makes me feel like everything I do is wrong and judges me as a mother all the time.

Apparently, I neglect my DS because he still sleeps in our bedroom at 11.5 months old

Please ignore this person! This seems perfectly reasonable to me. You are doing what suits your family and they should keep their nose out! Are they envious in some way? is it MIL?

She sounds very insecure.

Everything I've ever done with DS by (now ex) H and MIL.

DS did not sleep for more than 2 hours at at time for at least 14 months. MIL stated I should "put him in his cot a 7pm close the door and not open it again till 7am" just like she did with her DS, my then H.

Still makes me feel absolutely sick to my stomach and most likely explains why Ex H is an utterly fucked up abusive wanker to both me and DS.

I feel your pain! It seems like everyone has an opinion once you get pregnant! My worst has been because I'm keeping my child rear facing until age 4 minimum, apparently it's me trying to keep him a baby (nope just trying to keep him as safe as possible).

Not MIL although she's a horrible woman too. This same person has made horrible comments about:

• My C-section recovery
• Waking my baby to feed, he hadn't reached birth weight and had jaundice.
• Having DS in my room past 3/4 months
• Not giving him chocolate wtf??
• Not having a big enough garden
• Him not sleeping through the night by 6 months

Strange behaviour

My 19 month old still sleeps in my bedroom (space issues) but I like it, much easier to deal with night wakings!

I get told constantly by DP and his family my DD’s bedtime is too early (7-8pm) and she should be allowed to stay up until 10/11pm

I am so sorry that first-time mums get these unwanted comments. You are all doing your best while sleep-deprived and adjusting to a huge upheaval in your life. Some of it may be well-meant (from their own experience) but some seems designed to test you and will undermine your confidence. Please have confidence that you are doing what's best for your family, and tell them that, if necessary, "It works for us," then change the subject. Get DH on side so you don't feel you're battling alone.

I was quite an old first-time mum and lived a long way from family, so had less of this, apart from MIL telling me I shouldn't bf because DH would feel left out!

My 2 year old sleeps on a small bed connected to ours so and still pretty much in my bed half the time as he needs the comfort. I don't hive a shit what anyone thinks about that 😂

@Theresamagicalplace

I feel your pain! It seems like everyone has an opinion once you get pregnant! My worst has been because I'm keeping my child rear facing until age 4 minimum, apparently it's me trying to keep him a baby (nope just trying to keep him as safe as possible).

Omg my mum was like this! It seemed to genuinely anger her that I wouldn't put DD forward facing!

I'm always told my children are small, I. 5ft 2 Dh is 5ft 4, yes we are small, no amount of extra calories will make any of us any taller only fatter and we dont need any more of that

Two children
Never been shamed
And I’ve done lots of things listed above
Perhaps i have just not noticed!

Sling naps!

Octogenarian in the GP waiting room when DD was 8 weeks: “She’s not the boss, you’re the boss. She needs training, not carrying like that.”
Dour Great-Aunt, at 5 weeks, wagging her finger at the sling: “What you teach her now, she’ll be doing forever!”
NCT witches until I cut them off: “I don’t understand why she’s still in there – don’t you like sleep? Just pop her in a dark room and she’ll be out like a light.”

Merrily carried on sling napping her til 12 months then she went easily into a cot and sleeps like a dream now, so in conclusion everyone can fuck off

Worst advice given;

“Enjoy every second”
Or
“It only gets harder”

When I was struggling with a newborn. People can get to fuck with that advice - I’d have been a fucking lunatic to have enjoyed every second of that sleep deprived torture, and it got INFINITELY BETTER.

I think every parent has a nice long list of these. I've deliberately forgotten the ones that actually hurt at the time and I only remember the ridiculous ones. My favourites:

• I should be feeding 2 month old vegetable soup in a bottle and stop breastfeeding
• Baby should be asleep every night by 7pm
• I shouldn't let toddler son carry a hot pink handbag because it's for girls and he'll grow up confused
• I should be feeding kids 'kids' food' like chicken nuggets, sausages etc instead of giving them whatever we're having.

The third one was from DS's nursery teacher.

Wow, some of these comments!!

The person who said these things to me isn't the older generation but someone with a child who is 4 months older than my DS!

Luckily, DP agrees with me that she's just a judgemental cow who thinks her way is the only way

A relative over the years has continued to say we spoil our children in various ways. Cuddling them to sleep if they were unsettled as babies, letting them come in our bed, buying them too many toys, letting them stay up too late, didn’t make them get part time jobs by 16, bought them tech, allowed them an opinion! etc. This relative insisted my kids would be bratty and ungrateful and he got more and more annoyed when each year passed and that never happened. He was very hard on his children. When it became clear that they were not nightmare teens, he began saying they’ll be unable to cope with life as adults as they’ve had it too easy. 🙄 He seems desperate for our kids to fail, it’s really quite hateful.

I was in a supermarket once with my baby ( maybe 8 months) and I'd bought some baby food sachets, which were in my trolley. A lady came up to me and told me I was terrible for using them and that I should be giving my dd homecooked etc. She was really loud and I was so embarassed. I'd only bought them because we were going on a 10 hour flight and I wanted to make sure I had plenty for her to eat going there and back. I've never been very confident so I didn't say anything at the time, but I always wish I had. I normally made healthy meals every day for her and it was none of her business anyway.

Lol OP so funny reading your post, my family member shamed me because I didn't have my daughter in my room any more once she turned 7 months! Never mind that my husband works shifts and was waking her all the time. You can't win, some people have such fragile egos they have to feel that they are the 'best' at parenting which means shitting on you no matter what you do.

My sibling told me my child wasn't disabled enough to need support

My fil complained we were failing my eldest because we didn't send him to private school.

I keep my distance these days.

Accused of child abuse when I didn't wean DS at 4 months. Repeatedly pointed out that the advice was 6 months.
Then accused of child abuse again when I started him on solids approximately 2 weeks before he was 6 months old

Was also told I was putting my babies life in danger because I "insisted" on fitting the infant carrier seat in the car incorrectly. Only I was doing it the way we were shown in the shop and the way it showed in the instruction manual

^ all from MIL and SIL.

Crazy that people think they know our children better than ourselves!

I've never had a bad comment from my family just advice when I've asked. I'm the worst mother in the world according to DP's family

@DropYourSword

Worst advice given;

“Enjoy every second”
Or
“It only gets harder”

When I was struggling with a newborn. People can get to fuck with that advice - I’d have been a fucking lunatic to have enjoyed every second of that sleep deprived torture, and it got INFINITELY BETTER.

100% agree with this ^

Once at a parent and baby group I was bottle feeding my newborn when a mother with a 6+month old started lecturing me in a very patronising tone on firstly how bottle feeding was such a terrible thing, that I really should start to 'dress' my baby rather than putting him in babygrows, and finished her lecture that perhaps I should focus more on properly caring for my baby than making sure my makeup on in the morning. I let her prattle on before bursting out laughing, at which point someone politely pointed out this was my dc4 and I'd already dropped happy, healthy and properly attired dc to school and nursery. Her face was a picture, and made me very aware about judging other parents or giving unsolicited advice.

@Seasidemumma77 oh my god!! I don't know why people think it's acceptable to say things like that, or even have the nerve!! How embarrassing on their part