Getting a 4yo dressed in the morning

[mirabelle04]

My son systematically resists getting dressed in the morning.

He's just about 4yo, he is reasonably autonomous as he can undress and dress himself mostly on his own. Ofc we don't mind helping when he needs/asks. We're well aware that the "putting on clothes crisis" is a thing around his age, but that doesn't make it easier on us...

It has been going on for quite some time now. We got him a child sized dresser so he can easily see and choose his clothing, we tried planning tomorrow's outfit before going to bed, but when the time comes to get out of his pjs, all hell breaks loose every single time. We're talking full blown tantrums, screaming, running around type of deal, that usually ends up in time out and parental exasperation.

This is driving my husband and I up a wall. We're at the point where we're dreading that moment every morning. I'm so over getting angry at my son every single time. I wish we could just start the day peacefully. To top it off we have a newborn, so the sleep deprivation doesn't help to remain composed in the early morning. I'm taking any tip other parents can give me on the issue.

Hi OP. I could have written your post a few months back, and I don't think it's a coincidence that we also had a newborn... I think we really underestimate how hard it is for our children to adjust to a new sibling. I was similarly frustrated with my DC as he has always been really independent/more than able to dress himself physically and would tantrum when getting ready for things he enjoys. I tried all the tricks: making it fun, making a game of it etc...

I then started reading Janet Lansbury's blog and had a bit of a lightbulb moment. I don't think the tantrums were about getting dressed but about about transitions - obvs my DC was too young to express himself but I think he was communicating that he found it hard to leave us (especially knowing new sibling was at home - that's hard to make sense of!)

Anyways, I tried two things:

1. 'Leaning in' to the tantrum and validating the feeling e.g. "I know you're finding it hard to get dressed etc". This also really helped me to reframe what was going on so I didn't get so wound up!
2. 'Confident momentum' - no more negotiating/ game playing but clearly stating what was going to happen and going through with it. Sometimes this meant physically getting clothes on/off but I was surprised at how effective this was....

www.janetlansbury.com/2016/07/confident-momentum-how-to-stop-battling-your-toddlers-resistance-and-defiance/

This is the blogpost/podcast I found most helpful. It really helped me to reframe what was happening:

www.janetlansbury.com/2020/10/meltdowns-at-bedtime-or-anytime/

[quote mirabelle04]@EllieSattler Morning bath on week ends actually sound like a good idea, I might try that. I thought about getting him dressed right out of bed on school days but that means he'll probably get breakfast all over his school clothes. Might be worth it anyway though.[/quote]
This is what I do with my 7 year old who still hates getting dressed. She gets dressed before breakfast. I could not care less if she goes in dirty!

@mirabelle04 I get mine into his clothes before breakfast, all except his school jumper (that was if he spills on his polo shirt it gets covered up hah!

Getting dressed before breakfast. Mine are always so hungry in the morning they just get on with it.

Also bribery. Advent calendar at this time of year and for the rest of the year their chewy vitamin tablets they love.

Also you have to really pretend it doesn’t bother you! Just keep it chilled. One of mine was such a bloody pain for some reason he loved the power play of it all on a morning.

We got a funky egg timer, they love trying to beat the sand!