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Original poster

Unsupportive partner

38 replies

Firsttimemum101101 · 13/12/2021 01:20

Hi everyone!

I apologise in advance for the longwinded message...
Me and my partner have an 8 week old baby, who is amazing but has been very poorly with covid, a viral infection and has a bit of colic and reflux.
He has been crying non stop and extremely irritated with us so understandable, it doesn't annoy me at all but my partner just flips out. He dumps our son on me and doesn't wanna hold him, tells him to "shut the fuck up" gets really frustrated and irritated and says he "doesn't like him" anymore etc. he rolls his eyes whenever I ask if he can hold him or burp him while I get a Muslin etc and rarely does nappies or kicks up a fuss while doing so. I do all the night time work (even while he's been off work) I understand as I'm breastfeeding but he doesn't even offer to help me settle him when he's screaming I ask if he minds helping me, and he seems to think when I barely sleep because our son is up I'm "over exaggerating" or bluntly lying. He thinks he does it on purpose sometimes. I also have found it extremely hard to keep on top of house work as my son wants to be cuddled all the time and he doesn't help and says "it's my job" he won't even get me a drink half the time when I ask while I'm feeding. He says he earns the money eyc but I'm on maternity leave?? I hate that he gets so frustrated with our son, sometimes I'm so exhausted in the night I fall asleep with our son on me and get so upset when I wake up and realise, and he keeps saying "I have to stop doing it" which I'm trying?? Can anyone give me any advice :(

OP posts:
NowEvenBetter · 15/12/2021 13:45

It’s not fair to your child to be exposed to an abuser, can you take the baby to live somewhere safe?

NowEvenBetter · 15/12/2021 13:46

At least you’re not married, so you can just dump the fucker. Unfortunate for your child though, who’ll have to have contact with the abuser.

MelonTits · 15/12/2021 13:48

@NowEvenBetter

At least you’re not married, so you can just dump the fucker. Unfortunate for your child though, who’ll have to have contact with the abuser.
Not necessarily - no need to scare OP into staying.

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NowEvenBetter · 15/12/2021 13:55

Oh, absolutely not ‘scaring her in to staying’, not sure where you wrangled that conclusion from. It’s unfortunate for the child to be burdened with scum for a father, but being made to continue to live with the man will be so, so damaging. OP needs to get the child away from him, urgently.

Sam801 · 15/12/2021 14:38

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

NowEvenBetter · 15/12/2021 14:42

@Sam801

It saddens me to realize that my guesses turned out to be true. I cannot convey what I feel now. Today I get to know that my husband is cheating on me. Although not in a completely honest way, I still found out the truth. With the help of a good application that I found on Google request android spy apps I found deleted messages with my husband's mistress. It turned out that they have been dating for more than a year and I think that he will not break up with me because I am pregnant, in addition, we have a child who is 5 years old. It's hard for me to write about this now, but I need support and advice. What should I do? Is it worth continuing the marriage for the sake of the children?
Start a new thread @Sam801
Original poster
Firsttimemum101101 · 16/12/2021 14:04

Thank you very much everyone, his family are all lovely but I would want to involve them as little as possible as they are in the public eye and I don't want this to become public, I've thought about what everyone has said and I think I've known for a while thay I'm not over reacting I just think I was so gas lit that I started to justify his actions. I've been up all night with our son and trying to settle him and he always jokes that I "do nothing" so I know I'm clearly unappreciated. Thank you all so much I am starting to make plans to surround myself with my family and just pray it all stays private. I will keep you updated as to how it goes. All the best to all of you lovely people xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Firsttimemum101101 · 16/12/2021 14:06

@Sam801 I'm always open to talk if you need someone x

OP posts:
Kona84 · 16/12/2021 21:10

Could he have post natal depression - it affects men too.
It is harder for men to bond with baby.
I too have an 8 week old and my partner struggles more with the crying than I do but I’m breast feeding so I have more tools to calm baby.
However he is changing nappies, spending time playing and cuddling etc, which makes me think your partner might not have the capacity due to his bi polar or post natal depression.
How would he react if you suggested he speak to his doctor?

NowEvenBetter · 16/12/2021 22:24

@Kona84

Could he have post natal depression - it affects men too. It is harder for men to bond with baby. I too have an 8 week old and my partner struggles more with the crying than I do but I’m breast feeding so I have more tools to calm baby. However he is changing nappies, spending time playing and cuddling etc, which makes me think your partner might not have the capacity due to his bi polar or post natal depression. How would he react if you suggested he speak to his doctor?
No he couldn’t, men are not natal. He could be depressed, sure, but he was abusing OP whilst she was pregnant, as well, and depression doesn’t make people abuse others.
NowEvenBetter · 16/12/2021 23:29

As I said, men cannot be natal.

EmergencyHydrangea · 16/12/2021 23:44

Being depressed is not an excuse for abusing his partner and child.

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